Today was productive. :) The kids were all home for end-of-the-quarter/ report card day so we hung around the house doing things we enjoy. The youngest got a chance to play Legos and run around in the yard. The middle child spent his day gabbing with friends via Xbox in his pajamas. The eldest sat on the sofa, knitting and gabbing with me. This quarter has been a busy one for all the kids so it was wonderful to see them be able to decompress.
I was able to get a lot of sewing things completed. I finished a baby bag project, a few more zippys and a ton of little tissue holders. They needed to be finished and mailed out tomorrow for my commenters from a few days back. For those of you that knew you were getting one, they are on their way :)
When I decided to become a stay-at-home-mom, I thought I would be able to be more involved in the kids' lives. To a large extent I have. But they each have so much going on. They have their own little worlds spinning. Sometimes I feel like I'm that cat that watches race cars go around a toy track. The cars keep speeding by while the cat follows with her head and tries to intervene when she can with her paw...
Today was one of those days where I could sit and hear the details and be present with the eldest. As she spoke I listened, paying a bit more attention to every subject. I watched her multitask with that ball of cashmere yarn and her phone; not missing a beat of our conversation.
I know it's coming. I know that next year she may be away at a dorm, or with friends in some apartment. She will be laughing and gabbing with others; sharing inside jokes and making someone laugh until they can't breathe. That's the way it is supposed to be. That is what I want for her.
I watch my friends have relationships with their older daughters and know that there is hope that the eldest and I will remain close. But I have this incredible fear that something wonderful is slipping away from me. I know it's selfish. I know that she's become everything I knew she could be; I just don't know how to share. She has become this amazing adult who I would absolutely be friends with if I wasn't her mom. It's like I'm reading this fantastic book. I'm so in love with the story and the characters but before I know it, I realize there are only a few pages left. What's going to happen when I get to that last page?
Nothing is permanent, I know that. In fact, that young lady is already off tonight, enjoying her world, separate from family. She is having fun on her own. The glimpse of hope here is that I keep receiving texts from her, joking about something silly we talked about today.
I need some advice. How do you love and nurture something your whole life only to let it go? Isn't that the goal of all moms?
Leave me your thoughts...
Happy blessed Friday, friends :)