Secret Subject Swap #4

Hello friends! It's the beginning of a brand new month and that can only mean one thing: The house payment is due. Other than that, it's time again to participate in the January version of the Secret Subject Swap; a day where 15 bloggers swap unknown topics and do their best not to embarrass themselves by interpreting them. Well, 14 other bloggers probably are trying not to embarrass themselves, I rather like to do that.

The SSS is the brainchild of Karen@ Baking in a Tornado. She works really hard to crank these projects out, so I do my best to make her smile and worry whether or not my procrastination will finally do me in. She arranges all of the swapped topics for the each blogger, so please, go give them each a look. They've worked equally hard on their posts. This is the first half of the January Swap. Check out her blog for future swaps and let her know if you'd like to participate. It's a great way to meet new bloggers and make a few friends along the way.

This month's topic came from Tracy over @ Momaical.

Tracy's topic for me was : Describe an occasion of public humiliation that was instigated by someone you love.

Well, if you know me, you're already familiar with he fact that I need not have someone around to publicly humiliate myself; I do that just fine on my own. I get in the wrong lines at voting booths, I trip in high heels, I wear smashed cookies on my clothes to public events and I never find myself saying the right things at the right times. If anyone is doing the embarrassing, it's me. I've got four family members that could happily give you examples.

Let's see, if I look far back enough to find an example of public humiliation that WASN'T instigated by me...Hmm, let me think..Oh yes. there it is...floating around like a distant dream...

Warning: This is a story from my point of view. It is not in any way, meant to offend anyone.

Cast of Characters:

Princess McRib - Me
Prince Mac-hacker- The Man
Miss Twirl- Around- The daughter
Papa Smurf- The neighbor

Once upon a time, long, long ago (1996) there lived a wild-child, name Princess McRib and her husband, Prince Mac-hacker. They travelled far, far away from their native land shaped like a mitten, to start a new life in a town near a lake filled with salt and brine shrimp. This land was very different from where Princess McRib was raised. Although Prince Mac-hacker found it easy to fit in (he was the very quiet, kind and conforming type), Princess McRib had a much more difficult time. Moving to the suburbs of the new town proved even more difficult. No one wanted to come over for a cup of coffee, let alone go for a G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out). Social Princess McRib began to wilt and even more, worried if moving was the best choice for their daughter, Miss Twirl-around.

Eventually, people began to talk with the Prince and Princess. Kids were allowed to play with Miss Twirl-around and all seemed well. Princess McRib never figured out whether it was her semi-conformed personality that brought the good people around or the fact that she was a teacher of most of the neighborhood kids. For the longest time it didn't matter; she was being acknowledged. The newest family from the land of the mitten was now considered "accepted". They kept both their yard and their heads up.

One day, the Prince and Princess were intoduced to the man across the street, Papa Smurf. Papa Smurf lived alone and was a prominent member of the community. Princess McRib hit it off with him right away, mostly because he loved to tell stories by pointing to every one's house and giving the rundown of the goings on inside them. The information was never taken as gossip, (though that's exactly what it was), but more of as a revelation, to know that other people weren't as perfect as they appeared. Papa knew something about EVERYBODY. Prince and Princess always had Papa Smurf over for dinner, brought him treats and gabbed about his history. Princess McRib carefully prided herself in the fact that Papa Smurf couldn't spread any lightening fast gossip stories about her.

Months down the road, Princess McRib went through a serious surgery. She begged the Prince and those close to her not to speak of it. The worst thing to her, was pity from those who never talked to her otherwise. She hated seeming weak. A sad face or a casserole from strangers would be even worse. Anyway, the surgery didn't go well. Something bad occurred during the procedure and left Princess McRib with 2rd degree burns down her legs. Nightly, Prince Mac-hacker had to change bandages and apply medicine while the Princess cried in pain and in humiliation. Little Miss Twirl-around was a bit frightened after hearing her mom sob, but also seemed to understand that it was a private matter and was being taken care of.

One night, Papa Smurf came to the door and Miss Twirl-Around answered.
"Is your mom home?" he asked looking around.
"Yes. She's in the bathroom." Miss. T.A. said.
"Oh. Well is your dad home?" he asked.
"Let me check." she yelled.
Miss Twirl around came to the bathroom door and saw that Prince was re-wrapping Princess' legs and closed the door softly.
She ran back down to Papa Smurf (who had no idea what was going on) and whispered...
Wait for it...

"My dad is in the bathroom shower with my mom. She's bent over and he's rubbing that spot between her legs until she feels better."

And there you have it. Like the ringing of a bell. The axis of the earth tilted a degree. Miss Twirl-Around had inadvertently set off rumors via Papa Smurf,  that Prince Mac-hacker and Princess McRib were playing sex games while their young daughter fed cheerios to the toddler, Mister Teletubbie. It was only a matter of time before others would be pointing at our house and retelling the story operator-style.

-People never quite looked at us the same. New neighbors moved in and I watched as Papa Smurf would casually point to our house with his introductions. I wasn't totally broken hearted. Some of our very best friends had heard the story and decided we were still cool enough to hang out with.

The best part was, after that, I always found extra Victoria Secret coupons in our mailbox.

At the very least, I was probably never going to get another casserole again.

Don't forget to check out the other 15 bloggers who participated in this swap. Their blogs are listed below :)

Happy "Everybody-has-days-like-this" Day, friends!

-Michele

Baking in a Tornado                              

Chewylicious   

It's a Dome Life

My life as Lucille

The Mommy Chronicles       

The Insomniac's Dream                          

Life on Peanut Layne

Raising Reagan

De Bie Hive

My Brain on Kids 

The Adventures of the Family Pants

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

Just a Little Nutty

Momaical

Can I get some milk with that?

The man's sister made a comment the other day about visiting a store where girl scouts were outside, still selling their infamous cookies in the warm weather. She was surprised that the gals were hocking their goods in beautiful May, rather than in March; the usual cookie season.

She was trying to convey that the troops were lucky to be soliciting the heavenly treats without freezing their little green beanies off. March is a cold month to be out selling $3.50 worth of childhood memories. Door-to-door, in the cold wind and rain, people ceremoniously rip down their "No Soliciting" signs in hopes of grabbing a traditional package or six of the now too small boxes-of-disappointment.

I say this because instead of the glorious sleeves of cookies of long ago, they are now individually encased in plastic packages that hold all of eight or twelve cookies.  We continue to buy smaller, thinner boxes that cruelly list the ingredients and as an extra stab in the patch-covered sash, the cookie company  now also lists the calories. Ugh.

I thought about my sister-in-law's encounter for all of three seconds, and I too became concerned. My worry wasn't whether the cookies might taste stale, or even (gasp) that they could be past their expiration date.  I didn't care if these pre-teens were vending the last left-overs of the year....

So, what was it that was bothering me?  Were my feelings bitter about the selling of these cookies later than the traditional cookie season? Was I upset that we as a nation are being encouraged to purchase less product for more money? Was I appalled that there isn't a natural ingredient in any of the cookie products or that two little cookies count as a serving?????

No. My feelings instead were of pure jealousy. I mean, why does my sister-in-law get to live in such a magical place that girl scout cookies are apparently for sale year round? Why is it that her town gets to eat Trefoils in the sun or stuff their mouths with thin mints on days appropriate for picnics? If you live in this "field-of-dreams" town, is it NOT required to hide your Samoas in the bottom of the freezer under the broccoli? Can you actually have whole wheat crackers in their own box rather than hide your precious reserve of Tag-a-longs? I'd be willing to bet this enchanted city hands out Lemon Creams with their parking tickets too.

Hmm. I think I smell injustice.

If injustice smells like peanut butter.

What's your favorite Girl Scout cookie? Would you eat them if they were available year 'round?

For those of us that have to wait for March, here's a few simple recipes that will tide you over, for the weekend :)

To make Lemon Creams, Peanut Butter Patties, Thin Mints and Samoa knock-offs, You'll  need:

Animal Crackers (bag)
Creamy peanut butter 1/4 cup
Meltable chocolate 1 1/2 cup
Marshmallow fluff 1/4 cup
peppermint flavoring/ extract 1 tsp
coconut  (fresh and toasted) 1/4 cup each
caramel topping (squeeze bottle)
lemon frosting in a can
Parchment paper
Cookie sheets (One for each kind of cookie)

1. Place cookies flat side up on various cookie sheets. I used about 24 on each.

2. On one pan, spread peanut butter on the flat side of all cookies. Spread it thick. Set aside.
On the second pan of cookies, squirt carmel sauce on each cookie. Sprinkle fresh coconut over the carmel. Set aside.

3. Pour tsp of peppermint extract into a bowl. Add marshmallow fluff and stir until smooth. Spread on to the flat side of cookies on the third pan. The mixture is thick enough not to slide off, so frost as much as you can onto each cookie.

4. On the fourth pan, find matches for your cookies. I used Winnie the Pooh animal crackers, so it was fun to have the youngest match them up. If you're using round cookies- you are a rock star and are all set. Simply frost one flat side with lemon frosting and smoosh another cookie on top. You're done!!!

5. When marshmallow cream has set up (about 30 minutes,) you can start to melt your chocolate (chips or bark). I do mine in the microwave at intervals of 45 seconds until completely smooth. Use tongs or a fork and slowly dip the peanut butter, marshmallow and caramel cookies in the chocolate and let dry on wax paper, parchment paper or a wire rack. I like parchment. You can do each kind of cookie in batches. I like to dip only one side on the coconut caramel cookies. I also like to add darker chocolate chips to the bark for the mint patties. They're not beautiful, but they are delicious!

6. Let cookies set up (about 10 minutes) When set, drizzle carmel on the coconut cookies and finally, sprinkle toasted coconut on the top.

You now have 4 kinds of Girl Scout-like cookies...Enjoy!

Happy Wednesday, friends :)

My Schizophrenic Cupboards..

Remember these?

And this try at organizing?

It didn't last long at all. I'm not kidding. They both filled right back up with junk. During a quick look for food coloring a month ago, I  accidentally knocked over a shelf and dropped/ broke a boxful of various jars of red hots, hard candies and a few thousand sprinkles. I completely lost it. It doesn't take much these days...

Let's say that any attempt to catch 50 things falling simultaneously from high shelves failed miserably.  I  remembered other things that had been bothering me during that day and decided to channel my inner-child, and throw a mini fit screaming, unnecessary tantrum. Yes, nothing is quite as soul-cleansing as picking up millions of cookie decorations while yelling words that could make a sailor call for his mommy. It was not one of my shining moments as a mom. Or a grown-up.

While it seems silly to throw such a fit over a baking cupboard, please know that there are many serious things our family has had to deal with over the last few weeks. I just happen to be the type of person who has to find control and order SOMEWHERE. If it has to be keeping up an unorganized piece of kitchen furniture, then so be it.

The man and I walked off some of my steam that afternoon at Lowe's -or as my older children like to call it, "The most boring store put upon the face of the earth."

I found these cute curtain rod finials-

and got an idea. I didn't share my plan with the man because he was quite finished at the moment with me and home improvement....you know, with our kitchen still looking like the Keebler Elves met Mrs. Fields and Betty Crocker, had a drunken party and left all the evidence on my floor.... Oh, did I not mention the man rescued me mid-tantrum/cleaning? He's very brave when he needs to be...

I picked the finials up with my idea filed away. They had two black and two white ones in stock. I needed all white, but knew I could spray paint the black ones. For heaven's sake. We were at LOWE's- One has a right to think of home improvement. Correct? .

Anywhoo, I've always wanted glass on those cupboard doors. What better way to HAVE to keep the cupboards organized? We had talked about the idea many times before. Truth be told, I talked about them many times. The man would just nod, praying I would think of something else. We I had even considered cutting out the centers of the doors  and replacing them with glass. For five minutes. Neither of us have that much patience nor DIY talent. That's okay, because IKEA had beautiful glass doors that were pretty inexpensive and just the right size. We thought it over and when the man's mom called us last week from IKEA (angels singing,) we decided to go for it and have her pick up the doors.

Those cute finials? They made perfect little feet for the bottom cupboards. We spray painted two of them and had to add about an inch of wood to each one before screwing them into the cabinet base. I absolutely love that they match the feet on my island. I'd show you my island, but it is full of junk right now, so just go with it ....

Those cupboards have a new identity; a little hutch that finally looks like it was meant to be there.  All I have to do now, is figure out what color it wants to be...(quietly though, lest the man consider moving out.)  One thing for sure. It will NOT house anything that has sprinkles. Ever. I think...

Oh, I know. This is a super long story that really could have been told in a picture or two. But just like the doors on that now-organized hutch, transparency is best. Thanks for reading about the crazy things that go on both in this house and in my head :)

Happy Tuesday, friends.

IKEA love...

BTW, there aren't any photos of the "building process". Have you ever put anything by IKEA together? It requires a prenuptial agreement....

Happy Wednesday, friends :)