Fly On The Wall- August!

Hey there!  Welcome to the August Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 14 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....

Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Get in there!

Cast:
Me
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 15)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Our dogs: Lila and Henry

Why aren't we billionaires?: (convos from the living room)

C. : "You know you're grown up when ring pops won't fit on your finger. Where's a candy key chain when you need it?"

***

J. : "I think there should be a sport called 'Dance-ketball'. You could hip-hop to the hoop!"
Me: "You know how to hip-hop?"
J. : Well, I would fancy-dance with a partner. That way I could get double the points."

***

Me: (about fire safety) "We need a tube slide to go from your bedroom to the back yard."
A big old collective "No!"
Me:  "Why not? How fun would that be?"
A. : "First of all, the cold would get in."
C. : "Second, Hobos and raccoons might come in."
Me: "UP a slide?"
J. : "Plus, during a fire we shouldn't be thinking of fun things like going down a slide."

Outside, Inside.

Me: (to the man after shopping with my friend at a resale shop) "Guess what? I found a table to redo. It was 80% off! Isn't that wonderful?"
The man: "That depends on what it originally sold for. Should I guess?"
Me: "Nope. Just help me bring it in..."

***

Me: "Hey Honey? Your sister (from Germany) is coming over tomorrow. Don't you think we should mow the backyard?
C. : "Don't do it, Dad. She's from Munich. How does she know whether or not small trees grow out of fire pits and cement cracks?"

Dog TV:

Direct TV came out with a channel solely dedicated to dogs. It's intended as a bit of a babysitter while people are at work. The husband wasn't convinced at the $4.99 a month price.

I send this pic to everyone I know:

Lila watching Dog TV!!

 Me.: "It works! Lila loves Dog TV. We have to get it!"

Two days later I receive these pics from the man:

Lila watching CNN!

Lila watching Food Network. It's a Christmas Miracle!

My "Coffee Bean":

After the urging of many girlfriends and family members, I'm posting a photo of my newest baby. Her name is "Sophia". The man says that it's the ugliest car he's ever seen. It reminds me of my old Chevy Chevette. (Is that a good thing?) The two older kids are mad that it's a stick shift. My husband and daughter's boyfriend do not fit in it unless the top is down. But they all are happy that I can see over the windshield and touch the clutch at the same time. Moreover, they are happy because I am so very grateful for it. The color of the car? Espresso. Kismet?

The first day of school:

Well, I have a junior in college starting next week, A sophomore in high school and a third grader that, get ready for it....I'm homeschooling. Yep. That's almost all I have to say about that. The little guy has been a trooper; we really are going to have a lot of fun together.

C.: (to the youngest). "Being home schooled is going to be awesome. The only bully at school will be mom!"
The man: "Yeah. She's going to make you give her your lunch money."
Me: (to the youngest). "Don't listen to them. We'll have long recesses and field trips..."
C.: "I'd be careful. Mom is notorious for pushing kids off the monkey bars and giving wedgies..."
Awesome.

Lessons learned this month:

• You don't have to be a student in this house to get a wedgie.
• Hair appointments CERTAINLY can take 5 hours when you're chopping all of your hair off AND going back to your natural color (What?). So that covers about an hour and a half. Oh yeah, the rest of the appointment took place at the pancake house. God bless girlfriend therapy and strawberry crepes.

• It's a sad moment when you hug your kids over-the-shoulder and realize they are taller than you.
• Old dogs AND old ladies can take stairs two at a time when the pizza guy delivers on Fridays.
• Neighbors that actually watered their gardens this year are good sharers.
• Tears can be shed when the first Dunkin' Donuts opens up down the street. Sheer joy and perhaps dancing may also happen when the man brings Dunkin' Donuts K-cups home for you. Even better? Waking up to your third grader telling you that a dozen donuts equals 11. Yeah, that lemon custard didn't quite make it home.

***For those of you who have been wondering where I've been: I really have no excuse. I love and appreciate each and every one of my readers and online friends. (Yeah, I just used three 'ands" in my last sentence.) I'm just contemplating whether or not this blog has reached its natural end. Please know that I'm going to get to responding to your posts; past and present. Look for me to pop up to the top of your reading list every once in a while. Now that I've typed this, I'll probably become a daily blogger.

Rhetorical question of the month:

Uttered by my truly wonderful (and mostly helpful) therapist:

"What? You are homeschooling this year? Haven't we discussed your blah blah blah? Your youngest? Have you gone mad?"

Um....Yeah. 

That. 

Here's my check.

Thanks once again for stopping by, and to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The Blogging Original", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.

Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go on! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...

Baking In A Tornado                                    

Just a Little Nutty                                

Follow Me Home                          

Stacy Sews and Schools             

The Sadder But Wiser Girl                              

Menopausal Mother                   

Moore Organized Mayhem           

The Insomniac's Dream                                  

The Momisodes                                      

Spatulas on Parade                      

Dates to Diapers                          

Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn't Play Well With Others                                  

The Rowdy Baker                                  

Trashy Blog                                       

Barbara & 1923     

All my sincerest wishes AND love sent your way,

Michele

                              

Secret Subject Swap- August

Hello, August!! It's time for the SSS!

If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 12 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

Your “Secret Subject” is: 

You discover quite on accident that your toilet is a portal to another world.  Fill us in: What kind of place would it be, magical or mythical?

It was submitted by: http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com  Sarah is an awesome blogger. Be sure to check her out. She's on Twitter and FB too!

Ew! Really, Sarah? Do you remember I have three boys? Can I go down the toilet wrapped in Clorox wipes? Here I go: (maybe another route...)

I've always believed in parallel universes. Not so much in time travel itself, but more about different planes of our lives going on a different times. A wormhole maybe? Is that the same as a portal? I'm not sure. I often dream I'm watching a younger me live out a day that really happened. I'm not able to talk to "me". I just watch. Perhaps I'm not dreaming and am somehow allowed to pass through one of the planes of time. Since I'm unable to speak in my dreams, I decided once to write notes to the younger me and leave them behind; hoping they'd be discovered. Where in the world would I put them? How would I find them? I knew. I'd set them next to a toilet. Who doesn't need to use, or clean the toilet? I've done it all my life, right? I was hoping that one day, the younger me would catch on and look for them. Maybe it IS time travel...information from the future. Toilets, though? Still, I figured it would work. God knows I've spent enough time cleaning toilets over the years. There has to be SOMETHING to look forward to, right? Here are a few examples I've left during certain "dreams".

Dear four year old Shelly,
     Super cute tricycle! I wish you looked happier when you rode it. That thing has streamers! Who doesn't love streamers? I understand if it's the outfit. Sadly, for the next ten years, your Garanimal-matching clothes won't improve, but it's OK. Your sister will get your hand-me-downs just in time for you to get the joke.
A few tips:
*Keep the bangs. You will try to grow them out, but will end up wearing them like that for the rest of your life.
*Don't be afraid to laugh and tell your stories to the people you love most. They don't mind listening one bit.
*The neighborhood friends you have right now will be some of the dearest friends you'll have when you're older.
*The world is SO much bigger and better than the tiny yard you're afraid to leave. Always remember that.
     Love, Shelly

***

Dear High-School Shelly,

     Hello, you music loving freak! I saw you and your bestie dancing to "Material Girl and Raspberry Beret" You do know what all of those lyrics mean, right?
A few tips:
*Throw away everything NEON after this year. It will try to make a comeback later , but you will just look like a dang fool trying to wear it. You look like a fool now, but then, so does everyone else.
*Just say no to perms, blue eyeshadow, stonewashed jeans and anything bought at Spencer Gifts.
*Less Baby Soft perfume and please purchase a good pair of tweezers. Please. I'm serious.
*Throw away the scale.
*The mean girls? Just you wait. Karma is beautiful.
*Pay more attention to your classes than the boys (yeah, right).
*You will never get the Calvin Klein's or Gloria Vanderbilt's. When you have the money for all of those things you've always dreamed of, you will choose yoga pants. Every. Single. Time.
*The world is so much bigger than high school, girl. Always remember that.
     Love, Shelly Lynn

***

Dear College Student Shell,
     Oh dear. What a transition for you. Leaving home was a huge step. I'm so happy that you went to a different city and started anew. I know it's a very difficult time for you. Change has always been hard, but these are going to be some of the best and worst days of your life. Hang in there.
A few tips:
*Go to all of the games and events. These years will fly by.
*The person you're mourning over would "beat you with a wooden stick" (his words) if he knew what you were missing out on. Make the best of everything because he taught you to.
*Just because nickel beers start getting served at six a.m., doesn't give you permission to wait outside at 5:45 a.m. with your besties knowing full well you will miss your eight o'clock Gym class. There are so many things wrong with that last sentence, I just have to smile and know you won't listen. Neither will your friends. Maybe that's ok.
*Freshman 15 is a saying. It is not a challenge. You will however, match that challenge and ante up about 10 more pounds. Nickel beer, anyone?
***You will go to many dances and bars. You will have lots of parties and even visit the library a few times. There will be a lot of potential guys out there. Go ahead and have a little fun, but know this. There is a young, kind-hearted boy who is working his way through college at Target, He will steal your heart and you'll wonder if you should be sticking to any one guy. Hint Hint. It's him.
*The world is so much bigger than your University. It's okay to wander out every now and then.

     Love, Michele (The boy at Target likes to call you by your real name. What?)

***

Dear 35 year old Michele,
     Well, Well. You are doing okay! You have the career you've always wanted and 3 beautiful, healthy children. How about that husband? (I told you one could find EVERYTHING at Target!) I'm writing to you because these are the years that are passing the quickest. I'm not scaring you. At this moment you have mentors and elders that are wrapping themselves around you. Soon, you will be losing some of the most important people in the world to you. There will be health issues and tragedies and circle-of-life losses. Though it will be devastating at the time, you will learn so much from the memories of these people.
A few tips:
*Be grateful for every second you have with the people you love.
*Friends and mentors, neighbors and acquaintances will show up in the worst of times. Recognize that.
*Write letters and take pictures and say I love you more than you should.
*Save all of your clothes for awhile; sizes 16 down to zero. You will need them all in the next few years, and not in the order you think. Yeah.
*The world is bigger than your family and friends, but keep it small and cozy for the next little while. You'll be glad you did.
     Love, shel

I was going to end my SSS here, but this very morning, while cleaning up someone else's pee, I found an envelope behind the toilet bowl cleaner. It is at these moments that the letters come back to me. I wonder after all of these years, how many I've missed? How many have I forgot? Do I remember writing them or is it only because I read them? I can't be sure. I do know that they show up when I need them.

Dear 42 year old "shellybean",

I hope you were able to find this letter and not have to pull it up like a sticker from the restroom floor. Really lady, haven't you got those boys trained by now? The kids are going back to school. I know that change is always a bit difficult, yet, here we are again. You're going to be fine. Better than fine; I think :)
Some tips:
*No, they still have not invented a remote control that can answer your phone or a cell phone that can change channels on TV. Quit trying!
*You will still find your lipstick at the very bottom of your purse (You make bags for goodness sake. How have we not solved this yet?)
*Your keys will usually be found on the second shelf of the fridge-right next to last night's dessert. That's not going away anytime soon.
*You have everything you need right now. Look around and be grateful for it.
*You just got "TOLD" by a fellow blogger friend on how to enjoy life. She said in three paragraphs what you've been seeing a therapist for for years. Listen to them both, please. It will save your sanity and possibly your life.
*Keep breathing and laughing.
*For the love of Moses and the burning bush, WHY didn't you throw away that neon hyper-colored sweatshirt? I told you this years ago. Neon is NOT coming back for ahem, ladies in their 40s.
*The world is so much bigger than you. It will still revolve whether or not you decide to participate. Always choose to participate.
Till next time,
Michele

Thanks so much Sarah, for the topic!  xox

If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. You can also read all about the swap by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!

Baking in a Tornado                              

The Momisodes                                  

Just a Little Nutty                           

Follow Me Home                    

Moore Organized Mayhem        

Stacy Sews and Schools           

The Sadder but Wiser Girl                           

Menopausal Mother                              

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                                 

The Insomniac's Dream                         

Searching for Sanity                  

Evil Joy Speaks       

Happy "Sweet Dreams", my friends!

-Michele