Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Buzz on over!
Cast:
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 20)
C., The middle (son, 15)
J., The youngest (son, 9)
Henry and Lila- The dogs
Happy Birthday to yooooooooou. Ugh!:
My poor husband. His birthday is the last day of the year. By that time, we are all sick of wishing and singing and wrapping anything. On one hand, even he is tired of it all. On the other, it is New Year's Eve. We usually spend the evening hosting friends and celebrating with the family. It's always a lot of fun. This year, however, he was turning 40. (This is where the fly on the wall has to follow along.)
To celebrate, I invited our friends on a trip across the state line. Yes, we are rebels. There are casinos and restaurants in the great state of Nevada. It's very grown up. Our friends have 3 children as well, so we love to get away every now and then and have a good time. It was packed this visit (New Year's Eve). The men were playing on the tables and my friend and I were betting big on the penny machines. Being the wild kids we are, we all ended up playing UNO in our hotel room. That ball seems to drop later and later every year. Our friends ended up leaving at 12:01. We are old.
The man's birthday was over. I could tell he had fun. The rest of the "romantic" night went something like this.
Me: "Honey…I have something for you." I reach deep into my tote bag and pull out a huge…bag of Chex mix.
The Man: "No you did not! Have they been opened yet? The little pieces are intact?"
I nod and reach further into my bag.
Me: "I also brought…Red Vines. Still fresh and untouched."
His smile is bigger.
I finally help him undress and push him on the bed. He backs up to the pillows with the Chex mix in one hand and the Licorice in the other. I lean over and softly whisper into his ear..
Me "My final gift? You get this whole bed to yourself." I jump onto the other bed and curl up.
No dog hair. No blanket hogging. No kids interrupting his snores. One night. One whole night!
Best. Birthday. Ever.
The truth and nothing but the truth:
I moved some pantry items into a glass-fronted cabinet.
A.: "Wow. When you look at it that way, we seem unhealthy"
The truth: We are unhealthy.
J.: "Look at all of that frosting! There's a bunch of flavors. Mom, didn't we buy a chocolate kind?"
I shrug.
The truth: Some nights are hard. A tub of frosting and a good novel can do wonders for a girl's sanity.
C.: "Mom, how did you get that nasty bruise on your leg?"
Me: "Hmm. I'm not sure. You know how I'm always bumping into things. Maybe I did it during yoga."
The truth: I bumped hard into the dresser while running across the room. The man had just come through the door announcing it was "Dunkin Donut Wednesday."
The doctor: (at my latest appt.) "Hmm. Your weight is down. Have you changed your diet? Your activities?"
Me: (shaking my head) "Nope. Not one thing."
The truth: It's inexplicable. Maybe it's yoga. And Dunkin Donut Wednesday. Bending, frosting and books. Hey, I found a lifestyle change worth sticking to!
I don't know 'bout birthin' no babies!:
Me: (sitting straight up,in the middle of the night) "OMG! My water just broke!"
The Man: (sitting up just as fast) "What???"
We both get up and find that Henry has emptied out his whole bladder on the bed and apparently, me.
The Man: "I don't know whether to scream at Henry or hug him."
Me: (changing out of my soaked pajamas) "For all that is holy, I'm not having a baby! Give that dog a steak!"
Me: (heaving and choking and ready to kill someone) "What do you mean? Like whether we are male and female? Boy or girl? That's what sex is. That's what you're asking, right? (my voice has hit every octave by now.)
J: "No." (looking flushed) "She told me about when a man and a woman sleep in a bed together…"
Me: "Is it hot in here? Did you hear the doorbell? Have you seen my inhaler?"
J: "You said I could ask you anything. I just want to know where the baby comes from after that."
Me: (Counting to ten. Who is the child poisoning my little boy with this stuff? Wasn't I just yelling at my baby to put away his Lego undies?) I think and breathe, breathe and think.
"That is a really good question. I've been wondering that myself. Let's ask Dad when he comes home."
It's called co-parenting people. I can only do so much.
Based on scientific research, i.e., our running mouths:
The Man: "Do you want to go to the beach?"
Me: "We can't. We have a wedding to plan for."
The Man: "We need to get away."
Me: "What about your job? I know things have been up in the air…"
The Man: "I want to go."
Me: "But I just super-sized these french fries!"
The Man: "Do you want to go or not?"
Me: "I guess so. He## yes, I want to go!"
Future Job: The man and I? Homeless, happy beach bums.
A. (fighting with her brother) "I couldn't care less about that story if I were fast asleep."
Future Job: Supreme Court Judge
C. (Fighting with his brother) "I'm tired of you asking all of those questions. All of the answers you need can be found on the internet. When you don't use the computer it's like saying Steve Jobs lived and died for nothing."
Future Job: Motivational Speaker
J. (getting ready for school) "Where is that yellow pencil? The one with the #2 on it? Once you sharpen them they last for a really long time. I need to find that pencil."
Future Job: SAT and ACT tester (pencil hander-outer)
Finally, Some Random Quotes:Happy Birthday to yooooooooou. Ugh!:
My poor husband. His birthday is the last day of the year. By that time, we are all sick of wishing and singing and wrapping anything. On one hand, even he is tired of it all. On the other, it is New Year's Eve. We usually spend the evening hosting friends and celebrating with the family. It's always a lot of fun. This year, however, he was turning 40. (This is where the fly on the wall has to follow along.)
To celebrate, I invited our friends on a trip across the state line. Yes, we are rebels. There are casinos and restaurants in the great state of Nevada. It's very grown up. Our friends have 3 children as well, so we love to get away every now and then and have a good time. It was packed this visit (New Year's Eve). The men were playing on the tables and my friend and I were betting big on the penny machines. Being the wild kids we are, we all ended up playing UNO in our hotel room. That ball seems to drop later and later every year. Our friends ended up leaving at 12:01. We are old.
The man's birthday was over. I could tell he had fun. The rest of the "romantic" night went something like this.
Me: "Honey…I have something for you." I reach deep into my tote bag and pull out a huge…bag of Chex mix.
The Man: "No you did not! Have they been opened yet? The little pieces are intact?"
I nod and reach further into my bag.
Me: "I also brought…Red Vines. Still fresh and untouched."
His smile is bigger.
I finally help him undress and push him on the bed. He backs up to the pillows with the Chex mix in one hand and the Licorice in the other. I lean over and softly whisper into his ear..
Me "My final gift? You get this whole bed to yourself." I jump onto the other bed and curl up.
No dog hair. No blanket hogging. No kids interrupting his snores. One night. One whole night!
Best. Birthday. Ever.
The truth and nothing but the truth:
I moved some pantry items into a glass-fronted cabinet.
A.: "Wow. When you look at it that way, we seem unhealthy"
The truth: We are unhealthy.
J.: "Look at all of that frosting! There's a bunch of flavors. Mom, didn't we buy a chocolate kind?"
I shrug.
The truth: Some nights are hard. A tub of frosting and a good novel can do wonders for a girl's sanity.
C.: "Mom, how did you get that nasty bruise on your leg?"
Me: "Hmm. I'm not sure. You know how I'm always bumping into things. Maybe I did it during yoga."
The truth: I bumped hard into the dresser while running across the room. The man had just come through the door announcing it was "Dunkin Donut Wednesday."
The doctor: (at my latest appt.) "Hmm. Your weight is down. Have you changed your diet? Your activities?"
Me: (shaking my head) "Nope. Not one thing."
The truth: It's inexplicable. Maybe it's yoga. And Dunkin Donut Wednesday. Bending, frosting and books. Hey, I found a lifestyle change worth sticking to!
Downward facing dog.
I don't know 'bout birthin' no babies!:
The Man: (sitting up just as fast) "What???"
We both get up and find that Henry has emptied out his whole bladder on the bed and apparently, me.
The Man: "I don't know whether to scream at Henry or hug him."
Me: (changing out of my soaked pajamas) "For all that is holy, I'm not having a baby! Give that dog a steak!"
***
J: "Mom, I have to talk to you. I was talking to (so and so) and they told me about... sex."Me: (heaving and choking and ready to kill someone) "What do you mean? Like whether we are male and female? Boy or girl? That's what sex is. That's what you're asking, right? (my voice has hit every octave by now.)
J: "No." (looking flushed) "She told me about when a man and a woman sleep in a bed together…"
Me: "Is it hot in here? Did you hear the doorbell? Have you seen my inhaler?"
J: "You said I could ask you anything. I just want to know where the baby comes from after that."
Me: (Counting to ten. Who is the child poisoning my little boy with this stuff? Wasn't I just yelling at my baby to put away his Lego undies?) I think and breathe, breathe and think.
"That is a really good question. I've been wondering that myself. Let's ask Dad when he comes home."
It's called co-parenting people. I can only do so much.
My babies
Future jobs for my family:Based on scientific research, i.e., our running mouths:
The Man: "Do you want to go to the beach?"
Me: "We can't. We have a wedding to plan for."
The Man: "We need to get away."
Me: "What about your job? I know things have been up in the air…"
The Man: "I want to go."
Me: "But I just super-sized these french fries!"
The Man: "Do you want to go or not?"
Me: "
Future Job: The man and I? Homeless, happy beach bums.
A. (fighting with her brother) "I couldn't care less about that story if I were fast asleep."
Future Job: Supreme Court Judge
C. (Fighting with his brother) "I'm tired of you asking all of those questions. All of the answers you need can be found on the internet. When you don't use the computer it's like saying Steve Jobs lived and died for nothing."
Future Job: Motivational Speaker
J. (getting ready for school) "Where is that yellow pencil? The one with the #2 on it? Once you sharpen them they last for a really long time. I need to find that pencil."
Future Job: SAT and ACT tester (pencil hander-outer)
C. to me: "Great, mom. You moved dad's leather chair into your bedroom. Now, we'll never see him."
J. to me: "Of course you have nice handwriting. You've been doing cursive for 99 years!"
J. to the man: "What do you say we make it a FIVE day weekend?"
A. to her fiance': "Do these pants make me look fat? (he shakes his head no). Why? Do you think I'm skinny? Don't you like my big butt? (he says he does.) So. You think I have a big butt?" Let the games begin.
Me to anyone who will listen: "Yes, we're having a wedding. Yes, It's in August. Yes, she is ready. Yes, we love him. No, she is not going to have a baby. Yes, she is finishing her degree. Yes, I would love if she'd stay down the hall from me forever. No, I haven't stopped crying. Yes, I do have my therapist AND my pharmacist booked solid for the two weeks prior to and after the wedding."
My baby girl is getting married. Help me.
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