Secret Subject Swap #5

Hello friends! Can you believe it's February already? I'm very happy because it means we're that much closer to Spring. It has snowed all week and I am ready to look outside of my windows and see grass. I know it's a little premature, but I am so looking forward to longer days and soft breezes. Ahhhh.

It's the first Friday of the month! That means it is Secret Subject Swap time! I panic every month about this project, but then I end up having so much fun discovering new bloggers or laughing with the ones I already love. Remember, we all get a different subject that another blogger thought up and interpret it any old way we'd like.

At the end of the post, I'll leave links to all of the participating blogs. There are 15 this month. Check them out, leave a comment or just tell them hi. Everyone loves to get new traffic. If you're interested in joining the next Secret Swap, get yourself over to Karen's blog, Baking in a Tornado. She's the creator of the swap and she will hook a blogger up!!! Come along now....

This month, my topic was given to me by Karen@ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy. Karen has a family of three and posts all kinds of tips on eating healthy, saving money and organizing. She is also an incredible mom who writes about her beautiful son. Karen's topic for me was: Your favorite brand of candy/chocolate asked you to create a new product. What would it be, what ingredients, flavors, name, packaging?

Holy Hit-the-Jackpot, man! Seriously?? That topic is on my bucket list! Well not really, but now I'm absolutely adding it. Here we go:

***

M&M Mars and Ghiradelli kept calling last week. Constantly. They've been writing for months too, asking for a new line of chocolate. This, after I gave Brach's the idea for child-sized Sour Patch Kids. When I say child-sized, I mean the actual size of a child. Like the size of a three year month-old. Cherry, Lime, Lemon and Orange. You wouldn't know the exact flavor, because they would be covered in citric acid and sugar. After an hour or so, you'd find out your secret flavor! Sure, your tongue may bleed and your teeth may fall out (the package has a warning), but what a way to go. Lime is my personal favorite. I finished one off while catching up with my "stories" on TV.

"Ginormous-Sour-People"(copyright infringement) were a huge hit with kids and parents everywhere!  We showed numerous commercials of the computer-animated-genderless-figures doing the pop-n-lock all the way to the breakfast table. You can put anything with a glass of milk and some toast and call it a start to healthy breakfast. $29.95, my friend. Less than 30 bucks and you can be in a sugar coma alert ALL day!

I know why these companies keep calling ME. They won't leave me alone because they know I have a TON of money AND I have a famous relative. Cash + a famous name = credibility in this town. You know how some people get where they want to be because of who they know? Well people know who I am. I'm not ashamed to use the family name if it gets me what I want. Actually, I ALWAYS get what I want.

My name is Victoria Salt. That's right. Salt. As in my famous mother, Veruca. Veruca Salt. All of this candy-inventing business started one day in the 60's, when my grandfather made his peanut factory workers find found a golden ticket in a silly chocolate bar. The ticket was supposed to be a pass to some candy-making place. There was this whole to-do about touring the factory. Instead, all my mom saw was technicolor, plastic lollipops and overly spray-tanned dancing little men. She and grandpa were forced to follow a wall-paper licking man who sang freaky songs on a boat. Mom was petrified and begged grandpa to let her go home. I guess when she politely asked for a hen who laid eggs, (sounds like a simple request to me) the owner kicked her out! The injustice of it all makes me sick to this day. I guess it doesn't matter now. Grandpa gave mom everything she asked for after that. All she ever wanted to do was create candy that would make people as happy as she always was. Not at all like that kiss-up, wimpy Charlie guy. He runs that so-called company now. He's so busy burping soda bubbles and keeping secrets that he never gets anything done. Oh, and you didn't hear this from me, but I hear his whole family (Like 20 people!) co-sleep in one bed. Whatever.

I guess the least I can do is answer ONE of these chocolate companies. My newest idea is an everlasting jawbreaker ode to my kind, selfless mother, who told me that while it IS better to give than to receive, receiving was MUCH more fun. Gosh, I miss her.

My new chocolate bar will be filled with caramel and double dipped in chocolate. It will melt fabulously in your mouth, clear your palate, then do it all over again. Of course it will be wrapped in gold foil (in homage to grandpa, my mom and that lame ticket she never stopped talking about) and it will be called, "I want it and I want it now!"

That's all you have to say at the store. "I want it and I want it now!" The larger your voice, the cheaper it will be. I believe we would sell it in 1, 5 and 52 pound bars. Women will come from afar to get their special chocolate fix. It will cure headaches and backaches and the worst cases of PMS. Men can eat it too, but it will have different results. Like Viagra. With a few other side effects I can't go into right now.

Come closer. Because like that ridiculous Willy Wonka, I too have a secret. If you quietly go up to the counter with your chocolate bar, lean in very close to the sales person and give them the same eye you give your family when they have jumped on your last nerve...if you say in that scratchy, teeth-clenched,  end-of-your-rope voice, "I want it....and I want it NOW!!!!!!!", that beautiful chocolate will be yours. For free. Yep. Because you deserve to get what you want, just like my momma and me.

Yours truly (I guess),
Victoria Salt-Keebler
(Yes, I am also a trophy wife to an elf. He makes a damn good cracker.)

Thanks again for the topic, Dinosaur Superhero Mommy!
Don't forget to check out these other hard-working ladies. You deserve a laugh or 14 today.

Baking in a Tornado                         

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                      

The Momisodes   

Menopausal Mother             

Quirky Chrissy                         

Momaical                          

Life on the SONny Side             

Chewylicious                            

The Insomniac's Dream               

A Mother Life                                

100 lb Countdown

Something Clever 2.0

Just a Little Nutty

My Brain on Kids 

Happy "Swapping like sisters" Friday, friends!

-Michele

Day 40 of Forty: Sunday Gratitude

You guys. Look at that title. I believe it says Day 40 of Forty. What? I can't believe I kept up with it! I can't believe you kept reading! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

Why is it not Easter Eve? How are the forty days already over? They're technically not. Usually Sundays are "free days"where people can have some of the things they gave up, so they're not counted. Our family chooses to go straight through, even on Sundays, until Easter.

I can't regret that I blogged on Sundays though, because as I look back, I'm able to read about all of the things I was grateful for. Only a handful of things were blogged about, yes. But each one of them was heartfelt and true to me. I probably will still blog until Easter. That seems to be the right thing to do...

Anyway, Thank you, Thank you for following along on this silly journey of mine. I've said so many times before that my blog is here to enjoy. Here to share with you. Of course it's not a play by play of "real life". You would be bored to death or appalled if you saw the goings-on that occur in our everyday lives.  I've enjoyed beyond measure the opportunity to record my thoughts; even if it's only on a "crazy-momma"kind of blog.

I've loved your supportive, helpful, hilarious and loving comments. I thank each one of you who took the time to let me know my words were read and deserved some sort of reaction. Most of all, I'm so very grateful you came along for the ride :)

Here are my grateful five for this week:

1. Youtube. Man o man, who knew I'd be spending my days with the men of "This Old House"? I'm thankful for all of the videos I was able to watch on everything from putting a wax ring on a toilet to making doors hang straight to shimming a floor for a pedestal sink. Who knew? Not me! But I now know how to do a few more things..I also learned that it is completely okay at times to call a plumber :)

2. That "theatre-like" room. Our family was able to sit down there and watch "The Muppet Movie" together. We were able to microwave popcorn, eat some of our treats and sit in the dark together, watching a $1 Redbox movie. It's moments like that, that bring tears to my eyes. I was either really happy to have my family in one place or I was crying because I knew all of the words to the Muppets theme Song. Who can tell?

3. My sister. Yeah, that's probably an easy one, but I had a full-blown break down on Thursday. The kind where someone hurts you so badly, you not only want to, but need to cry. You want to hide in a corner like you did when you were little, when you thought you could become invisible. My sister was the only person I could talk to about my situation that afternoon. I texted her to ask if she could talk and when I heard the home phone ring and finally heard her voice, I ran up to my room, sat in my closet and cried like a five year old. She had me calmed down in five minutes. The thing is, if I talked to anyone else, I would have had to explain back story and a million other things. For a half hour, she was there; understanding every slurred word I could muster. At the end of that thirty minutes, I was completely better. Not one ounce of me was upset anymore. I couldn't be more appreciative of her words and her love when I need them most.

4. Fresh-Mex Salad and an iPhone. During my afore-mentioned breakdown, the man had brought home dinner. I love when it's his night to "cook" because it's always something that a take-out place creates. Believe me when I say that I am as grateful as if he had slaved over a stove; I really am... From texting my sister in the first place, I had my phone with me in the closet. It started to buzz. Through my tears I looked at the phone and there was a text from the man. It said, "When you are ready, there is a salad outside your bedroom door." Maybe that's why I was feeling better. Maybe I should be thanking the man. Again. If you have read enough of this blog, you already understand why he is my best friend. The fact that I'm thankful for him has to be a blanketed- given from now on.

5. FB friends and a hairdresser. I changed my profile pic this week to one that my girlfriend took of me on Tuesday night. I have had more cute comments and "likes"on that pic than any other I've ever posted. I know that it wasn't because all my grey was finally covered. I know it wasn't because I was in the beautiful lighting of a Denney's. I think that what people might have seen instead, was a silly "hair-shot", taken by my very good hairdressing-friend at 11:00 pm, over hot fudge sundaes and cheesy fries. Let me say that again. Over Hot Fudge Sundaes and Cheesy Fries! Can I get an Amen? I never enjoy getting my picture taken. I never feel like I can genuinely smile if I'm "posing". But I posted that photo because it makes me remember the super-fun night I had with an understanding, extremely funny, equal opportunity chocolate-loving friend. That alone makes me smile. For real.

Happy full-of-Grace Sunday, friends

Day 17 of Forty- Tell me about it, Stud.

I was reading the fun comments left on yesterday's blog. Friends teased about the candy stash and hauling TVs up and down the stairs. I'm sure I've mentioned a few times about how much I enjoy reading your comments. They always make me smile and feel connected. It's my favorite part of this whole blog experience.

My sis and forever friend teased about coming over to my house to watch "Grease".  We must have watched that movie 100 times. Memorized every song and sang them at the top of our lungs. If I were to flip through the channels and find that film today, I'd probably drop a few things just to watch it again.

Yeah, I love a good movie. Adding friends AND candy? Well, as my daughter would say,  "THAT would be the Bee's Knees!".  (She's saucy like that...)

It got me thinking about what other movies I'd like to see for the millionth time. Do you have favorite films like that? The ones you could see over and over again because you love them so much?

Leave me a comment and let me know which one(s) you never get tired of seeing. I know it's hard to expect you to read this blog on a Friday or Saturday...but you knew I'd be here! If you comment before my next blog goes up tomorrow, there may be a little somethin'-somethin' coming your way. Who could pass that up?

Favorite movies you'd watch on a loop, friends. Start dishing.

My Picks: (Besides "Grease")

1. Pretty Woman
2. 16 candles/ Breakfast Club/St. Elmo's Fire/Pretty in Pink  (any Brat-pack film)
3. Field of Dreams
4. Anchorman
5. When Harry Met Sally
6. The Princess Bride

Happy Friday, friends :)