How I spent my winter break 2014

Hello, friends!
A lot of kids went back to school this week.  I'm sure more than a few of them had to answer this question:
How did you spend your winter break?

Some children might have described their fabulous vacations. Some probably wrote about spending time with their families. Others still, could have written about being glued to their TV/computers/video games for a full fourteen days.

I was wondering how I could possibly describe my own Winter/Christmas break. Then it came to me. I'd use Potato Heads. Why, you ask? Well, on one hand it could be the after-effects of a NyQuil-induced coma. On the other hand... no, it's probably just that.

How I Spent My Winter Break by Shellybean

Dec 21. The kids had school on the Monday and Tuesday before Christmas. The youngest started getting sick on Sunday afternoon. Here is a pic of me rolling my eyes, thinking he was just trying to get out of his short school week.

December 21-23. The youngest was not exaggerating. He quickly came down with a fever, started coughing and complained of aching all over. I don't care how old your kids get. When they're in pain and crying, you don't leave their side. The flu had hit and it hit with a vengeance. It took no longer than a day before I felt exactly the same symptoms.

December 24-26 We had to cancel our family Christmas party. I was supposed to host at the house. There was no way that could possibly happen. The youngest was still feeling horrible and I just wanted to die. Notice the man keeping his space. I think he was hugging a can of Lysol the whole time. BTW, the man with the steel immune system was only sick one day out of vacation: Christmas Day.

December 26-28 While the man held tight to his anti-bacterial wipes, I held on to this. Kleenex tissues with Vicks and NyQuil. You see, NyQuil doesn't care if you cough up a lung. It doesn't make you feel guilty if you're unable to answer the phone or check your computer. NyQuil doesn't judge.

December 29-31. The 29th was my eldest's birthday. I made her a cake and we went to lunch. I don't clearly remember any of these events, but she assures me it was all good. I spent that night and the next trying to stay away from the light. The 31st was the man's birthday. We had made plans with our best friends to go a New Year's Eve party in the neighboring state.

January 1. I made it until 7:30 p.m. I swear people, I may or may not have used a potato for this picture. That is exactly how I felt. 

After a day or two, I was feeling more like myself. I could eat real food again and could stand up with out the world turning upside down. After some rest and a few hot showers I'm as good as new.

Yes, that's me up there, still in need of a good waxing. Okay, so I'm ALMOST as good as new...

Happy Healthy New Year, friends!

-Michele

Secret Subject Swap- July!

Hello, July!! It's time for the SSS!

If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 11 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

My “Secret Subject” is:

"You decide to clean out your neglected closet. While cleaning, you come across something that causes you to gasp in shock. What is it and why did it catch you off guard?"

It was submitted by: Marcia@ http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/  I love this woman and her blog. Please be sure to check her out. Here we go...

I was cleaning out the back of my closet when I saw them. A new pair of shoes, waiting to be broken in. You'd think I could just pass over something so regular; something every closet holds. The shoes though, don't belong to anyone who lives in our home. They are waiting for their rightful owner to claim them.

Years ago, we met a man sitting on the curb in front of our house. We thought he might be a solicitor or someone who was waiting for a ride. As we drew closer to him, we could tell that he was distressed and squinting fiercely at something in his hands. It was a pair of eye glasses. The lenses were so thick, you could see the magnification of them on the ground below. Tiny pebbles from the street looked like flat stones; the kind you might use for skipping in a lake. One of the arms of the glasses had come loose. My husband, seeing his frustration, invited the man inside. I thought he might resist, but the stranger walked through the door and softly introduced himself. He continued to fumble with the glasses while momentarily holding them up to find his way.

I offered up some cool lemonade while my husband handed over the repaired glasses. Grateful, the man placed the glasses back on his face, playing a bit with the frames so they fit squarely over his nose.  Rolling his eyes around to check the view from glasses, he began to grin. He looked up and truly saw us for the first time.

We must have spent hours talking over the dinner I demanded that he stay for. We learned that he was a writer and a world traveler. Between tiny bites of food, he would show us various photographs that he kept in a journal.  Alongside the many colorful pictures was his handwriting. The words were created with tiny, carefully written, capital letters. I thought the writing looked as if he was afraid the blank pages may run out.

The soft-voiced man spoke of the adventures he'd been on and those he had yet to take. When I asked him if he ever got lonely, he answered no. He told me how he loved to find himself in huge crowds of people. His technique was to be still while listening to the stories of others around him. This is how he found the inspiration for his writing. The photographs he explained, were taken by strangers he'd met on his journeys. Each picture represented a beautiful place with ordinary people surrounding him. He wasn't lonely at all. Where I might feel alone and frightened in a crowd, he was soaking in the whole experience.  He traveled lightly, carrying only a camera, his journal, a water bottle and the clothes on his back. There was something so simple about it. I have to admit, I was a little envious.

It was my husband who noticed the man's shoes. They were worn to the point that the toe was fraying and the soles were barely visible. I was touched at the humbleness of the man as he took a new pair of shoes offered up by my husband. They were a bit big, but they would more than do. I tried to offer the man new clothes, but he explained how he once saw a woman in similar clothes at a train station. He was adamant that they had a "moment" and that if she were to ever see him again, she might recognize him by his outfit. My husband and I, adorned our own matching sports jerseys smiled in admitting that his theory wasn't totally off base.

So he left us, nodding at the invitation to return when he was back in town again. Every now and again, the former stranger kept his promise and stopped by for an occasional meal packed with stories and photos of his latest journeys. He had so much to teach us with his words and experiences, we felt as if he was the one doing all the giving. After a while, my family would pick up an extra pair of shoes or an exact match of his long-sleeved t-shirts in anticipation of his next visit. He always accepted the gifts, appreciatively. We'd receive postcards he created from his photos. They came from every corner of the world showing our friend amongst strangers. Sometimes, there were so many people in his photographs, we'd find it hard to spot him. The children always thought of it as a game, trying to see which one of them could find our world-traveling friend first.

The stretches between visits became fewer and further between. During our last visit, our friend explained how he still hadn't found the love of his life and that he felt empty inside. He described his pain as feeling two-dimensional. What once felt wonderful was now becoming mundane. The blending in was not enough anymore. Listening and "hiding" in crowds now felt claustrophobic. He said there were moments when he wanted to throw his hands in the air and scream, "I'm here! Can't you see me? Doesn't anybody care? I am not invisible!"

I asked him to take a break. I told him he was welcome to stay with us. After a few days though, he was gone. The postcards still come. The writing is sloppier. The words are larger and the notes are shorter. My hope is for him to find peace; to find himself. I want him to feel like he can be equal with a crowd and be seen at the same time. I await the day he comes back with another story, or even better, with the love of his life.

Until then, a silly long-sleeved tee hangs with my husband's plaid shirts. The hat my daughter knitted for our adopted-family member sits with the winter coats... And the shoes. Those shoes wait for the day the doorbell rings and we welcome his worn body back into our home.

I still spend a lot nights thinking about him. I ask myself many questions.

What exactly brought that man to the front of OUR house so many years ago?

Is he safe? Is he healthy?

Would I recognize him among a crowd full of strangers?

Is he still wearing those same old clothes while waiting for his soul-mate?

Was he just a figment of my imagination?

Most of all, I just sit and wonder

Where IS Waldo?

*

*

*

Image from www.toybook.com

Thanks once again to my girl, Marcia, for the topic. 

If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. You can also read all about the swap by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!

http://BakingInATornado.com                                   Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/                                       The Momisodes

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/             Moore Organized Mayhem

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                Stacy Sews and Schools

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                     Menopausal Mother

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                             The Insomniac’s Dream

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                       Searching For Sanity

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                              Evil Joy Speaks     

Happy Swappin' Friday, friends.
-Michele

Fly On the Wall- June!

Hey-O!  Welcome to the June Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 11 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....

Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on.. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Get in there!

Cast:
Me
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 15)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Our dogs: Lila and Henry

Father's Day:

Me: (continuing on with our tradition of breakfast in bed...) "Would you like pancakes? How about an omelet? French toast?
The man: "Wow, any of those sound great."
Me: "Good, get up. We're going to Denny's."

***

Me: "Did you finish Dad's card? What does it say?"
J.: "Lots of things. Mostly that he's the best dad I've ever had."
A. "The best? Who was your second best dad?"
J:  (looking at me, confused) "Huh?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm not touching that."

The dogs:

J: "Mom, you're going to be SO mad at Henry..."
Me: "Do NOT tell me he peed on your floor.. I spent the whole day steam-cleaning that carpet!"
J: "He didn't pee....He pooped."
Me: (running up the stairs) "You've got to be kidding me!"
J: "Nope. Not kidding...(following me to continue his tattling) and I think he ate crayons. It's rainbow poop!"

***

A.: "Henry peed on the kitchen floor last night. It was kind of funny. It was an exact straight line; it went on forever."
Me: "What? Did you stop him and put him outside?"
A.:  "I cleaned it up, but I didn't stop him.  He just kept going. And going. Straight as an arrow. It was incredible."

*** 

Me: (getting very close to Henry's cute, little face). "If you keep peeing on my floor, I'm going to have to take that little "thing"of yours off..."
The Man: "Aw. Welcome to our home, Henry. You're family now."

Keepin' Up the House:

The man: "Are we going to keep these paint chips pinned to the wall forever? They're all over the house."
Me: "I'm waiting to see which ones I like. I have to see them in the light during all times of the day."
The man: "Are you waiting to see how they look in the light of all four seasons?"

***

Me: "Are you planning on fixing the fireplace anytime soon?"
The man: "It's summer, woman!"
Me: "That's what you said last summer." (We're go-getters, people.)

***

Me: "I'm cleaning out the freezer in the garage. This is the time, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but you guys have 48 hours to eat the rest of the twin pops and ice cream sandwiches. After that, everything gets thrown out."
J: (racing his brother, sister AND dad to the garage door) "This is the best day of my whole life!"

That Awkward Moment:

-When you're hanging out on your bed with your daughter. You have wet hair and a mud mask on. She has braided her hair and has her retainer in. You're both in sweats and sharing a 1 pound box of fudge. You're doing this whilst making fun of "Toddlers and Tiaras," which is blaring on the TV. "Who watches this crap?" one of you asks.  Neither answers, nor do either of you change the channel. For two hours.

-When you find out that your 15 year old, who is staying with his awesome grandparents so he can attend an art camp, has been allowed to buy throwing knives. Three of them. In the midst of your fit-throwing, the boy gives you the aforementioned 1 pound box of fudge. Like that's going to make you forget. Hmm? What were you saying, again?

-When you ask who forgot to flush the toilet and everyone says, "It wasn't me". Your youngest then says, "Well, I don't think it was me. What does it look like?" Yeah, that.

Finally, the text conversation winner for June:

C. (the 15 year old, from his grandparents' house):  I just witnessed a horse getting castrated. #scarredforlife."
Me: What? Where?
C.:  In the barn. Grandpa called the vet over to neuter one of his stallions.
Me: Gross!
C.: I'll send you a picture if you'd like.
Me: Um, no thanks. I'm eating.
C. : Your loss.
Me : I'm broken hearted over it.
C. : I'm feeling queasy.
Me: I hope you don't have meatballs for dinner.
C. :No chance. Had them last night. BTW, these are actually white.
Me: Ack! TMI.
C. The vet had to use a razor blade. He had to cut twice.
Me: Well, that makes sense. Poor horse.
C: Don't worry, they gave it a shot. It just fell over. It's knocked out.
Me: That's the way to do it, I guess. Hey, I thought you'd be sleeping by now. It is summer vacation!
C. Nope, I will never sleep again!
Me: Nightmares! You better wear your long pants to bed.
C.: I think you missed the part about me NEVER sleeping.
Me: I think this is the perfect inspiration for your art. Haha!
C: No wonder Van Gogh cut off his own ear.


Thanks once again for stopping by, and to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The lady who celebrated her one year blogiversary!", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.

Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go do it! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado

Just a Little Nutty                               

Follow Me Home                      

Stacy Sews and Schools                  

The Sadder but Wiser Girl                      

Menopausal Mother                  

Moore Organized Mayhem                 

The Insomniac's Dream                       

The Momisodes                                

Spatulas on Parade   

The Rowdy Baker

Evil Joy Speaks

Happy "There's No Place Like Home" Day, friends :)
-Michele

An award and an embarrassing apology.

Friends. Are you still out there? Well, for those of you who have me posted on your sidebar, perhaps you saw my name pop to the top of your list. I can't even remember what that's like! For the rest of you, well, you'll either find my new post by stalking the blog or maybe I'll FB it. I haven't been there in awhile either. I do understand that unless you feed something, you can not expect it to grow. I'm pleasantly surprised to see that so many people still stop by the blog. I appreciate that more than you know. Lately, I've just been busy watering and feeding the real me. Yep,  I stopped growing. Literally came to a halt. I'm trying to fix it, and weird as it may seem, I feel more comfortable talking about it right here. For now, there are too many details, but to give you the condensed version, "I made a mistake. A stupid, careless mistake." When drama flows around me, that tends to happen, but this time, I hurt the ones I love the most.

I thought it would be brilliantly helpful (economically, healthy, emotionally, creatively) if I stopped taking my prescribed medications. I'm not talking about slowly weaning off of them. I'm not talking about taking away one med each day. Nope, I was going to be the strong woman I felt I could be and I stopped. Cold Turkey. The man begged me not to. But he's a "Big Pharma" guy; of course he'd say that. My pharmacist bestie said that it was not a smart thing to do. I figured I was helping her out by not having to fill all those scripts! My daughter begged me not to. All I kept thinking was  that I could be that mom who was strong enough without all of the medicines that were clouding up who I really was. I couldn't even remember who I was. I wasn't sure if I even missed her or not. I have an online buddy who also told me to take everything slowly; to make sure I was talking with my doctor before making such a decision. I could talk to the moon and back about who or why I was doing this. The simple and selfish answer? It was for me. I worry that one day we might not have the insurance to cover some of the ridiculously priced drugs. I worry that while taking them, I'm not the mom/wife/friend/superwoman I'm supposed to be. I quit taking them with no regard for anyone but myself. I was going to be my own hero; not leaning on anyone but myself, because that's what strong girls do.

I'm a freaking fool. That's all I can say about that right now. The rest is too painful. And embarrassing. So embarrassing, I was willing to start a sentence with the word, "And".

There's my apology. I'm so sorry to any of the wonderful people I've let down. If you felt like I wasn't listening to your advice, well, get in line. I had my own agenda. Now I have to pick up some pieces and do some serious work.

You're probably thinking, "What the He**? I came here because the woman said she received some awards? I don't need any of this Debbie Downer stuff!" To you, again, I say, "Get in line". 

I actually was  blessed enough to receive 3 awards. I'm spreading them out over the week, so you're not overwhelmed by all this happiness I'm throwing out to you. Calm down, people. Breathe.

Award #1 was given to my by the wonderful Sarah @The Mommy Chronicles. Sarah, if you're saying, "What? When did I give that to her? Well that would be a big, fat, (let me look...) four months ago!! Which blog award did I receive? Oh, that's right:

Bless you, Sarah, I hope you still feel like passing that baby on, because I love it and want to stick it right over there on the side of my blog (Where it looks like I rock as a blogger). My untimely response has in no way diminished my excitement! I absolutely owe you a coffee for this one :)

The Rules for accepting this award are:

1. Accept the award! Thank you, Thank you Sarah!

2. Post the award and link back to the person who gave it to you.

3. Give ten facts about yourself.

4. Award some other bloggers .

My ten facts. (Haven't I spilled enough shame on the world of bloggers already?)

1. I love the show, "Grimm."

2. I love trashy movies like "The Hangover, Bridesmaids, Old School and Hot Tub Time Machine."

2. My daughter is getting ready to fly the coop and I haven't been very nice about it.

3. I have 1000 things to do and an emotional wall I can't seem to knock down in order to complete the tasks.

4. I didn't realize how deep my love was for Mike and Ike's. Ive been eating them as if they were an essential food group.

5. The oscillating fan in my room is my best friend at night. (Hot flashes do not rock.)

6. My favorite thing is laughing. (Do I sound like Buddy the Elf?)

7. In the deepest part of my soul, I do believe I have the capacity to be epically awesome :)

8. I have the best undercover blog friends ever.

9. In case you're wondering, I am back on the "drug wagon".

10. Still don't know what to think about that.

A few bloggers, I think are epically awesome:

1. Dawn @ Words of Deliciousness (yummy recipe genius!)

2.Lilybean @ Needles, Eggshells and Hairspray (hard working, sweet student, sewer and blogger).

3. My friends @ Rock Bottom (Sweet friends who speak the truth)

Stay tuned for my next installment of "Awards and Embarrassment". Oh, Heck yes, there's enough to go around!

Happy, "Be the best YOU you can be today", my friends

-Michele

Fly on the Wall- May!

Hey friends!  Welcome to the May Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 12 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....

Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on.. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Get in there!

Cast:
Me
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 14)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Our dogs

The thing is, this has been a very crazy month. The kids are busy finishing up school, the man has been putting in some serious hours at work and I have been busy filling bag orders. Throw Mother's Day, a birthday party, dentist appointments, a retirement party, a band concert AND an awards ceremony in the mix,  and you will understand that if you were a fly on the wall at my house, you were pretty much alone.
I'm letting you in on what you would have witnessed about our family:

via text messaging:

The man: (from work) I'm going to be late again. So sorry.
Me: What is this? Do you have a girlfriend on the side or something?
The man: I wish. I'm starving...
Me: Well, if she's making extra, bring some home.

***

A. : Are you at the grocery?
Me: Yes, Why?
A. : Just wanted to let you know that all the cool moms buy name-brand Capt'n Crunch. I think you're a cool mom. That is all.
A. : Also, awesome moms find chocolate flavored peanut butter. No pressure.

***

Me: I can't get a hold of your sister. What do you think of this new library bag?

C: Mom, I'm at school. I'm not supposed to be texting.
Me: Then why are you texting?
C. Touche'
Me: So, What do you think of the bag?
C. : What does it say?
Me: "You're grounded."
C. : Oh, now I see. It's like a miracle. I can read. Great bag. Can I get back to lunch now?

***

The man: Are you home?
Me: Yes
The man: I'm home now. Where are you?
Me: Did you really have to text that? Couldn't you yell for me or something?
The man: You text your own children to dinner!
Me: You're right. Hey, while you're at it, text them and ask them to pick up McDonald's.

Conversations heard before bed:

Me: J! You have a huge hole in your sock! It's not even covering your toes! How did that happen?
J: It started out as a small hole, but I figured if I ripped it far enough, I could wear it AND my flip flops.

***

J: Mom, Mother's Day is coming up. I was wondering if I could have 10 dollars.
Me:  Um, that's sweet, but you don't have to get me a present.
J: Huh? No. I made you a card at school. I want to buy a LEGO.

***

Me: Ack! This room is disgusting! It smells like boys! Open a window!
C: Sorry mom. I just ran out of my pretty princess spray...

***

Me: Did you brush your teeth today?
The children just stare at me.
Me: What if I told you I took your toothbrushes and know exactly when they were last used?
C. I'd put my money on you for that bet, mom. Where did you hide them and how long have you had them?
The man: (shaking his head) I've never felt so proud.

***

J: I think I made a deal with God in heaven before I was born. I told him I wanted to be a man. That way,  I wasn't going to have to go through childbirth. Yuk.
A. : Keep talking like that and you won't meet a woman who will give you any children!
J:. Duh! Adoption!!

Random talk heard 'round the house:

Me: Don't pick up that phone! It's bad news. We are avoiding ALL bad news today, people. I'm not kidding! This is going to be a peaceful dinner if it kills us.
C: (walking toward the table) Here's the mail, mom. Look at you! You got Jury Duty!

***

Me: Problems, man. I've got too many today.
The man: Is there enough chocolate to make these problem go away?
Me: Probably not, but I don't see why we can't give it a try...

***

The man: Look at the books on your side of the bed! It looks like Oprah's Super Soul Sunday over there.
A.: Dad knows about Oprah's Super Soul Sunday? You guys have been married way too long.


The awkward moment when:

• You FINALLY get around to making your 8 year-old's recipe for Bacon Pasta and it is the best thing you've tasted all month.

• You realize you've lived in a house for 6 years without ever owning a "working" plunger-until it's too late.

• You come home from a morning-out with a girlfriend and find garbage strewn all over your home, 2 dogs cowering in the corner, a pillow with all of the stuffing shaken out, aaaaaannnnd this:

Dang Dogs!!!

Yes, readers, I went there. I came home to find HALF of a bra. Awkward? Yes. The fact that I looked all over the house for the other half to no avail? Creepy. The chances that the other half will definitely show up in the presence of some important visitor? Guaranteed.

Get ready, people. The trashiest girl in the neighborhood is going to be gossip-worthy whilst shopping this weekend.

Pay no attention to the "girls" I'll be carrying around. Especially the one that will be sagging past my knee. Oh, to be a FLY on the wall for that.

Dream big, lop-sided, or go home!

Thanks once again to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The lady who supports everyone", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.

Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go do it! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado
Just a Little Nutty                               

Follow Me Home                      

Stacy Sews and Schools                  

The Sadder but Wiser Girl                      

Menopausal Mother                  

Moore Organized Mayhem                 

The Insomniac's Dream                       

The Momisodes                                

Spatulas on Parade                 

Mom Rants and Comfy Pants

Tiny Steps Mommy

The Rowdy Baker      

Happy "Supportive"Memorial Day Weekend, friends :)
-Michele

I didn't know my child was a loser until the PTA told me....

Trophy Triumph!!

I received this cute little trophy from Karen@Baking in a Tornado. She created this award with her friend Kristy over at Black Sheep Mom. It represents making it through the everyday things that might otherwise break us down. Karen wrote me a message before giving it to me, asking if it would be okay. OK? Are you kidding me? It's a trophy of a woman ready to pull her hair out! How does that NOT scream, "Here you go Michele, enjoy your moment with a trophy of a woman that could be your twin."? Nope. She gave it to me because she is awesome and because with the trophy you are allowed to vent. Mmmhmm. If you live in "Blog Land" you're probably thinking, "Shellybean venting? Oh this is going to be fun!" If you live in my real world and know how I can be, you're scooting up really close to the screen hoping this is not about you. (Don't worry, it's probably not.)

In accepting this award awesome trophy, we must do the following:

1. Display the Trophy in your post.
2. Write a short piece that starts with this: "I didn't kill beat up____________today. It doesn't have to be a person; it can be an appliance, a business or anything else you choose.
3. Nominate a few people to pass the trophy on to and let them know it is THEIR turn to vent.

As usual, this is my story to tell. Please do not take offense to the following vent (unless it was you):

I didn't beat-up  a few of the "ridunkulously tunnel-visioned"adults  at my son's school today. Not that I would, I'm not a violent person. I've had just about enough of the "Haves/Have Nots" business going on in our elementary school right now. Here is one of 3,567 things I'm venting about...

The thing is, I actually taught at this school. For a good chunk of time.  I don't know how else to explain it. I was the first teacher that many of the students at the school encountered (I taught Kindergarten.) For the first month, all we practiced were procedures. How to sit in a chair, how to share pencils, how to work as teams, how to enjoy books, how to be kind. That last one was a doosy. I wasn't a strict teacher, but I always felt that my students deserved to feel safe, loved and accepted. I demanded this from each person I met and I demanded it of myself. The reasoning behind this has to do with my childhood and the fact that school was a safe-haven for me. I knew that I wasn't ever going to let a student slip through my fingers without knowing that they mattered; that they were important and respected. If you made someone else feel like less of a person because they didn't have as much money, if you mentioned someone was wearing the same clothes two days in a row, If you made fun of anyone that didn't meet your standards, we would spend another day practicing. "You can't say, You can't play." It was our cheesy mantra, but we lived by it. Teachers after me kept that attitude going. We were a school of equals. Every student was valued.

So you might understand my anger when I say that my son came home last week from school crying. When I asked what was wrong, he didn't want to talk about it. "Did you get hurt? Did someone hurt your feelings? Did you get into trouble? What did you do?" As a teacher, that last question usually gets asked first. Through the sobs he finally told me. "We were in last place. Our class was in last place!"

"Last place for what?" I couldn't think of what he could possibly be talking about.
"Our class didn't raise enough money for the pizza party." he continued.
This is when I figured we'd be having the talk about how it was OK to not win all the time; to take defeat by congratulating the other teams. But then came this:
"Mom! We came in LAST place. Our class walked the track just as hard as everyone! Every class brought enough money for the walk-a-thon except for us!"

All right. "Enough money?" He was definitely exaggerating now. Who would be unkind enough to infer that there was a last place? I'm sure he was just upset that he missed out on a pizza party. This wasn't about how much money an 8 year old child could give, right?  We wouldn't embarrass children for not collecting enough money from their parents. No.

Yes, people. That is exactly what happened. I wouldn't have believed it myself until our school newsletter came home. On page 3 (of 4) was a list of every single teacher's name along side an exact amount down to the cent of what their contributions were. My friend's class collected $935.59. My old coworker was slipping at her job. She collected $552.52. It went on and freaking on. Every teacher. and at the bottom of this money tree was my son's class with a meager $139.02.  Here's my issue. Did they really need to list the amounts? The classes were also placed in order of the parties they won. Pizza parties to 8 classes. Ice Cream Parties to 13 classes! Pizza and Ice Cream party AND a 1 hour recess to 5 classes. The big winner, who collected $1, 472.23 gets a party at a gymnastics center. I'm pretty sure it was the 23 cents that put them over the top. My son's class and one other class were under the "Thanks" column.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not a sour grapes kind of girl. I'm thrilled that there were winning classes. I'm pretty excited that the new playground will finally be up to code. I'm also sure that there were volunteer parents who worked their butts off at the event. What makes me sick is that someone actually printed this list out, with exact numbers of money, had it go through an editing process and be okayed to print. Why not just say, "Our school raised 17,000 dollars! Thank you everyone! Our top class was.______________We will contact the winning classes!" Nope. Just that list, a calendar of going-ons, grade news, and a list of PTA Thank yous...

Here is another vent. There is never a thank you to the handful of parents who were too busy working two jobs so their child could have shoes to wear to school. There were no thank-yous to the other families who quietly donated to every other fundraiser/field trip/art project this year. I don't think I witnessed one shout-out to the single dad that walks his kid to school everyday (because they don't have a car) so that child can take advantage of the free breakfast program...Are those children less worthy because they have a different home-life? On and on it goes.

I apologized to my little boy. I had to tell him that his class didn't "lose" at anything at school. His class donated 7 dollars per student. That was wonderful! I explained that parents give what they can. That it was in some degree, a contest among them, and not the children.

I would totally give up class parties and Field Day to not have another hard-working, loving, young child humiliated. Oh, and those last place teachers of my son's? They have rocked his education this year. He loves going to class and has made all kinds of forever-friends. His teachers have loved my son and have given him all that they can. There, dear readers, are your winners.

So, no. I didn't beat-up those select few tunnel-visioned adults. I'm nicer than that. I don't know what happened in their past that would make them think that any of that was acceptable. I simply hope that they will rethink patting themselves on the back at the cost of others next time. If you can't work together, you will fail alone. Heck, I learned that in Kindergarten! Or on "LOST". I can't remember everything....

Okay. Breathe in-breathe out. Thanks for thinking of me, Karen. You know I love you. I'm passing that sexy-lady trophy to two man-bloggers! They both have salt-of-the-earth blogs and I honor each of them with this prestigious accolade. Work it, boys.

Slu from Slu's World

Jon from Speaking My Mind.

Happy "Be kind to everyone" day, friends.

-Michele

Secret Subject Swap #7 April!

It's the beginning of April and time for the SSS! The flowers are blooming, the birds are out and I am opening every window and door to welcome it all in.

If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 12 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

My Secret Subject this month was:  What is the best April Fool's trick that you've ever played?
It was submitted by: the wonderful Sarah @The Momisodes  She's on FB and Twitter too! Go to her page and hook yourself up :)

I'm pretty terrible at pulling pranks (that work). I've never been the "think six steps ahead of someone else" kind of girl. Unless the prankee is under the age of 7, I fail miserably. My middle son, however, tries each year to one-up himself in the pranking of his mother. Usually, on April 2, I get even by beating grounding him, but if I'm completely honest, I'm usually impressed with his creativity. Here is what I received this year:

Now. There are very few things in the world I hate. "Hate" is a strong word, I know. So I reserve it for the serious stuff, like mean women, spiders, and Good & Plenty (evil, black licorice candy). Right up there on the top of my most hated things?  CLOWNS. Hate, Hate, HATE them. Think of the one in "IT" by Stephen King. Circus Clowns. Paintings of Clowns. Clowns that come to birthday parties...Clowns that sell Happy Meals..They freak my freak, people. My family knows this.

A few months ago, we were in a thrift store and I found a pattern for clown costumes. It was old and I showed it to my husband with a shiver.

Why oh why would you do this to a child?

"Hey, I think my mom made that for me one year!" he said.
I spent 20 serious minutes contemplating our marriage.
I put the pattern back between a 1976 Caftan and a 1972 Shawl.

The next weekend, we were at another store that sold vintage patterns by the bag. I picked a few bags knowing that I would more than likely find a pattern or two I liked out of the lot. Nobody could beat the price of 2.99 for ten patterns.

Oh, you know what I'm going to say next. At the bottom of the gold mine was that same pattern! I screamed and told my son the story. All that mean child did was laugh. I picked the patterns I liked from the bag, put the others in our Salvation Army bin and threw that clown pattern away. I was NOT going to be responsible for making some other unstable terrified woman see that nonsense.

Fast forward to April 1. It was a Monday and the kids were back to school after a week off for Spring Break. I was using the bathroom when I looked up and saw that damn pattern taped to the shower door in front of me! I screamed my middle son's name out loud. Let me ask you this. If a woman screams in her bathroom all alone, can anyone hear her? Oh, just ask the neighbors. Or the elderly couple down the road.

That day, ALL over the house, I found these:

Smaller copies of the pattern. In my laptop, in the fridge, on my water bottle, on the phone...You get it. Each picture was numbered on the back. I knew that there were at least 18 because I found #18 taped to the remote. Of course I only found 13 of them. I turned around every corner looking for them, nervous of where the next ones would pop up. (The next prank? That kid skipped numbers so I would lose my mind looking for the rest...)

After giving up (once the youngest child got home from school and told me about the skipping-of-the-numbers), I went down stairs to gather fabrics for my next set of bags. I was still looking out of the corner of my eye for those little pictures of the pattern..I checked the door to my sewing studio, the ironing board and the cutting table. Nope, none there.


Then I saw it. I looked up realizing that someone had moved my dress form (Betty). The scream was louder and more piercing this time.

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Betty doesn't have a head, so he used my pillow......

That pranking child of mine was going to be homeless.

Okay, no he wouldn't. But he would be clothes-less. I hid all of his clothes that day. In the bottom drawer sat the clown costume. Cheers to April 2nd in high school, my son.

So maybe I don't completely fail at pranks...

Happy "Does-anyone-need-an-extra-costume-or-a-teenager?" Day, friends :)

-Michele


If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. You can also read all about the swap by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!

Baking in A Tornado                       

Chewylicious                   

The Momisodes                

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                   

Just a Little Nutty                    

Follow Me home (Yeah, that's me!)             

Stacy Sews and Schools     

A Mother Life.com                                       

Confessions of a Failing Domestic Goddess

The Insomniac's Dream                                   

Suburbia Interrupted

Moore Organized Mayhem

Fly on the Wall- #4

Hey friends!  Welcome to the 4th Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 11 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....

Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on.. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. How often can one say that?

If you were a fly on the wall at my house this month, this is what you would have witnessed:

Cast:
Me
The Man
The Eldest (daughter, 19)
The Middle (son, 14)
They Youngest (son, 8)
Henry and Lila (our new dogs )

At dinner:

The Youngest: (looking at his plate) "What IS this?"
The Eldest: "It's Chinese."
The Middle: (five minutes later) "What's inside these egg rolls?"

The Youngest: (whispering like it's a secret) "We don't know. It's Chinese."

In the bathroom:

The Middle: "Wow, Mom. Props to you."
Me: "What for?"
The Middle: "For cleaning the toilets every day. How are you doing it? The water is always blue."
Me: "Um, it's a tablet you put in the toilet tank. Should I be scared that you didn't know that?"
The middle: (walking away) "Wow. Just trying to give you a compliment.."

3 hours later.

The youngest: "Mom! Did you see the magic water in the toilet?"
Me: "It's not magic. It's a blue tablet and I...."
The youngest: "It IS magic!! Come look! I can make the water turn green!"

About my sleeping pills:

(Convo at dinner)

The Man: "BTW, Michele. You HAVE to go straight to sleep after you take those new sleeping pills. You just aren't yourself after you take one."
Me: "I try, but I just can't get to sleep. What do you mean by 'not myself'?"
The Man: "Let's see. Well, last night, you got up and made chicken tacos. 3 of them. At midnight. You don't even like chicken tacos, and you ate them all."
The Eldest: (nodding) "The other night, you made dad get you a big bag of Gardettos and you ate them in bed. When I tried to take them away, you asked me for a Hershey bar."
Me: "OMG. No Wonder my yoga pants feel tight! Are you guys messing with me?"
The Middle: (not even looking up) "You told me I was your favorite child."
Incredulously, I look to my youngest for some comfort.
The youngest: "What? You told me Happy Birthday. My birthday is in October. I didn't say anything because I thought you bought me LEGOS or something..."

Saving dough:

The Middle: "Mom, can I have another bag of chips? I'm starving."
Me: (cutting out coupons and feeling exhausted) "You know what? I told you were are trying to save money. Remember how we're trying to cut back? You guys can't keep eating everything in sight. Don't you know how much we spend on snacks? Blah Blah Blah..."
The Middle: (picking up and observing the NIKE box that was just delivered to our house). "Hey! Are these the new YOGA shoes you were searching all over the country for? The ones you said 'couldn't be found?"
Me: "Yes...They were a gift."
The Middle: "From who???"
Pause.
Stare-down.
Silence.
Me: "Do you want Doritos, Cheetos or Chips?"

That awkward moment when: (new dog edition)

-your boys are laying in dog beds. They are doing this because the new dogs are lying in their beds.

-your youngest child asks you to use your indoor voice because the dogs are sleeping.

-you realize you have two new names to mess up when you are yelling for someone in your family.

-you realize you are using more FeBreeze than Pledge.

and finally,

That awkward moment when:

-your daughter tells you to not to freak out over your male dog showing his private parts every time the wind blows. She then proceeds to tell you that as a CNA she has been working in the men's unit.
"If you've seen one mom, you've seen them all." she says.
You don't remember hitting the floor..

Thanks once again to the Fly's creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The lady who puts everyone first", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will hook a blogger up.



Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go do it! Tell them I sent you. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado

Just a Little Nutty                              

Stacy Sews and Schools             

The Sadder but Wiser Girl                

Menopausal Mother                  

Moore Organized Mayhem       

My Brain on Kids                                                                       

The Momisodes

The Rowdy Baker

Finding Felicity

Caramel Living

Happy Weekend, friends :)
-Michele

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Fly on the Wall Challenge #1

Hello friends!

I've been away from the blog world for forever and six days a bit. I'm hoping to fill you in on why sometime soon...

A good way for me to get back in the swing of things is to jump on the next blog challenge that my dear blogger friend, Karen has created. Yep, that would be Karen, the genius behind Baking in a Tornado. Let's face it. If it weren't for her, you'd be reading my blog entry from the LAST challenge she created. So thanks again Karen, for helping me find my groove thang...

On to the Challenge:

15 shameless bloggers have invited you to be a fly on the walls of their homes. We are all sharing snippets of some of the drama/fun/embarrassing goings-on that happen behind our closed doors.

Yeah, yeah, I know. That is usually what my blog is about! Sometimes my posts are only a sentence or two. Usually, they ARE about the embarrassing behind-the-scenes happenings in my home. But let's remember, I have no shame. I am ALWAYS ready for someone to laugh with (never at!) me.  This is also a challenge for 14 other bloggers and I can not wait to feel as if I'm not alone in the crazy-town I call my house.

I'm using funny quotes heard 'round the home from my dear family members. Think of it as a super-sized "quote of the day" post. We are always "on"here. So come in. No need to knock. Laugh or cry. Just don't call the Police.

If you were a fly on the wall this month, this is what you would have heard:

The Exercise Room:
"I want to go run, but I also want ice-cream. What kind did you buy?"- the man
"I hit the punching bag and a bunch of dust came off of it. This tells me two things. I haven't exercised and I haven't dusted."- Me
"The window in that room scares me. Someone may look through and see you just lying there, Mom. They may think you're dead."- the youngest
"There's nothing like a Poptart after a workout."- the eldest, to me.

The Kitchen/Food:
"When is Dad coming back from his work trip? I need him to make me the macaroni out of the box. That kind is the best"- the youngest, turning up his nose at baked Mac and cheese.
"I'm going to church AND I look like a Hobo. Do you think I can get double Communion if they think I look hungry enough?"- the eldest
"You have to stop letting people push you around, Mom. Stop feeling like you have to help everybody!.... Will you make me some potato soup?"- the eldest

Things we shouldn't say to visitors:
"Our prayer is better than your prayer and we just didn't say it aloud because our prayer would kick your prayer in the neck."- the eldest's response to the middle child's friend who made the wrong comment about us not saying a prayer before snack.
"Hahahahhaaahaha. Oh, you're a cute young man. It was nice knowing you. Memorize the inside of our home; you won't be seeing it again."- an in-unison nervous laugh and comment from the kids to a visiting friend who said, "You should come to my house. My mom doesn't yell."

Random, but funny enough to make the cut:
"Mom, I've heard how my friends talk to their parents and I have to wonder, How do they still have a face?"- the eldest, gabbing with me about Respect
"I'd like to tell you a secret, Mom....but then you'd know." the un-trusting youngest
"Any pre-cleaning of the house isn't going to lessen the nervous ranting on the morning of Thanksgiving"- the middle child, trying to get out of cleaning.
"Good going, little brother on drinking the last Sunny-D! You know, Sunny-Ds were made in the name of kindness. I'm not sure you're showing that kindness by gulping down the last of it."- middle child.
"Yes, and I'd TOTALLY stick up for you, little brother. But my voice is too sore from not having a Sunny-D to quench my thirst. Your loss. But you probably figured that out while drinking the last of the Sunny-D"- the eldest, joining in on making my son a future serial killer.

Finally, TV:
"I like getting out of classes early. Afternoon TV is ridiculous!  I'm starting to notice that Dr. Phil is picking up his game....and I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty excited about it."-the eldest, making her mother proud  scared.
"If you want to feel better about your life, you should absolutely watch the Maury show. I already feel like I've exceeded a million expectations."- same child, half-studying- half trash-talking.
"Have you seen this "Deadly Women" show? These wives may not know how to cook or clean, but they can wrap up and hide a body like nobody's business! Oh, BTW, you forgot to take the trash out. It's okay I guess. Sleep tight!"- yours truly, to the man, trying to spice up the ol' marriage :)

And that, dear visitors, is a small peek into our home. I can already hear you now, speaking through a forced smile... "There's THAT family. Quick! Lock the door!"

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Please check out the great bloggers who participated in this challenge. You're sure to get a belly laugh or two. Better yet, you may get an, "Oh thank the Sweet Detroit Lions, that happens to other people too!".
In fact, that is my favorite part about the blogging world. Those tiny common threads that bind us together. You can nod in agreement or shake your head in disgust; no one will ever know. Hopefully.

Leave kind comments, kids :)

Happy "Pride-sometimes-IS-on-the-outside" day, friends :)

Blogs participating in today's challenge:

Baking in a Tornado
Simply Chic for You  

The Insomniac's Dream                             

De Bie Hive                                       

My Brain on Kids                                                                               

Just a Little Nutty  

Sorry Kid, Your Mom doesn't play well with others
Stacy Sews and Schools

The Mommy Chronicles
Raising Reagan 
Sanity Waiting to Happen
Momaical

http://frikkenduckie.blogspot.com/

Life on the SONny Side


BTW:

A Big Old Happy Birthday to my baby sister today! If you're reading this far, girl, I hope you know how much I love and miss you :) You know what your birthday means? McRib is right around the corner :)