Fly on the Wall- May!

Hey friends!  Welcome to the May Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 12 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....

Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on.. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Get in there!

Cast:
Me
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 14)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Our dogs

The thing is, this has been a very crazy month. The kids are busy finishing up school, the man has been putting in some serious hours at work and I have been busy filling bag orders. Throw Mother's Day, a birthday party, dentist appointments, a retirement party, a band concert AND an awards ceremony in the mix,  and you will understand that if you were a fly on the wall at my house, you were pretty much alone.
I'm letting you in on what you would have witnessed about our family:

via text messaging:

The man: (from work) I'm going to be late again. So sorry.
Me: What is this? Do you have a girlfriend on the side or something?
The man: I wish. I'm starving...
Me: Well, if she's making extra, bring some home.

***

A. : Are you at the grocery?
Me: Yes, Why?
A. : Just wanted to let you know that all the cool moms buy name-brand Capt'n Crunch. I think you're a cool mom. That is all.
A. : Also, awesome moms find chocolate flavored peanut butter. No pressure.

***

Me: I can't get a hold of your sister. What do you think of this new library bag?

C: Mom, I'm at school. I'm not supposed to be texting.
Me: Then why are you texting?
C. Touche'
Me: So, What do you think of the bag?
C. : What does it say?
Me: "You're grounded."
C. : Oh, now I see. It's like a miracle. I can read. Great bag. Can I get back to lunch now?

***

The man: Are you home?
Me: Yes
The man: I'm home now. Where are you?
Me: Did you really have to text that? Couldn't you yell for me or something?
The man: You text your own children to dinner!
Me: You're right. Hey, while you're at it, text them and ask them to pick up McDonald's.

Conversations heard before bed:

Me: J! You have a huge hole in your sock! It's not even covering your toes! How did that happen?
J: It started out as a small hole, but I figured if I ripped it far enough, I could wear it AND my flip flops.

***

J: Mom, Mother's Day is coming up. I was wondering if I could have 10 dollars.
Me:  Um, that's sweet, but you don't have to get me a present.
J: Huh? No. I made you a card at school. I want to buy a LEGO.

***

Me: Ack! This room is disgusting! It smells like boys! Open a window!
C: Sorry mom. I just ran out of my pretty princess spray...

***

Me: Did you brush your teeth today?
The children just stare at me.
Me: What if I told you I took your toothbrushes and know exactly when they were last used?
C. I'd put my money on you for that bet, mom. Where did you hide them and how long have you had them?
The man: (shaking his head) I've never felt so proud.

***

J: I think I made a deal with God in heaven before I was born. I told him I wanted to be a man. That way,  I wasn't going to have to go through childbirth. Yuk.
A. : Keep talking like that and you won't meet a woman who will give you any children!
J:. Duh! Adoption!!

Random talk heard 'round the house:

Me: Don't pick up that phone! It's bad news. We are avoiding ALL bad news today, people. I'm not kidding! This is going to be a peaceful dinner if it kills us.
C: (walking toward the table) Here's the mail, mom. Look at you! You got Jury Duty!

***

Me: Problems, man. I've got too many today.
The man: Is there enough chocolate to make these problem go away?
Me: Probably not, but I don't see why we can't give it a try...

***

The man: Look at the books on your side of the bed! It looks like Oprah's Super Soul Sunday over there.
A.: Dad knows about Oprah's Super Soul Sunday? You guys have been married way too long.


The awkward moment when:

• You FINALLY get around to making your 8 year-old's recipe for Bacon Pasta and it is the best thing you've tasted all month.

• You realize you've lived in a house for 6 years without ever owning a "working" plunger-until it's too late.

• You come home from a morning-out with a girlfriend and find garbage strewn all over your home, 2 dogs cowering in the corner, a pillow with all of the stuffing shaken out, aaaaaannnnd this:

Dang Dogs!!!

Yes, readers, I went there. I came home to find HALF of a bra. Awkward? Yes. The fact that I looked all over the house for the other half to no avail? Creepy. The chances that the other half will definitely show up in the presence of some important visitor? Guaranteed.

Get ready, people. The trashiest girl in the neighborhood is going to be gossip-worthy whilst shopping this weekend.

Pay no attention to the "girls" I'll be carrying around. Especially the one that will be sagging past my knee. Oh, to be a FLY on the wall for that.

Dream big, lop-sided, or go home!

Thanks once again to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The lady who supports everyone", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.

Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go do it! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado
Just a Little Nutty                               

Follow Me Home                      

Stacy Sews and Schools                  

The Sadder but Wiser Girl                      

Menopausal Mother                  

Moore Organized Mayhem                 

The Insomniac's Dream                       

The Momisodes                                

Spatulas on Parade                 

Mom Rants and Comfy Pants

Tiny Steps Mommy

The Rowdy Baker      

Happy "Supportive"Memorial Day Weekend, friends :)
-Michele

Secret Subject Swap- May!

It's MAY!! Time for the SSS! Sunday is Mother's Day. It is supposed to be sunny and in the 80's! Wha? I know, right? Magnificent.

If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 12 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

My Secret Subject this month was:  Tell me about your day.  From someone else's point of view.
It was submitted by: www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com  She's on FB and Twitter too! Go to her page and hook yourself up :)

Here, dear friends, is a look at a typical day in my life...as told by Henry and Lila, my dogs. I figured they'd be as good as any one to describe to you what goes down here. They are the only ones with me 24/7.

Henry and Lila, it's all yours. Be kind. Remember, I feed you.

Henry: What should we say? Huh? Huh? Where should we start? When do I get to talk about mama? Huh? Huh?
Lila: Henry. Chill. I am 49 years old. She's not our real mother. We're doing this for purely selfish reasons. "Mom" just made gravy ice-cream. If we get this over with, it will be all ours. Let's see....

Lila: Mom's Day starts off the same. She says she is a morning person, but I'm going to go ahead and disagree. She fights getting up. Let's face it. The woman loves her sleep. Maybe that's why we love her...

Henry: I start to smell the coffee pot and know it's time for our food too. Get up mom! Get up! Are you ready? Huh? Let's get up!
Lila: Yes, please take your time, dear woman. It's not like I'm wasting away or anything...

Lila: After breakfast, it's chore time. Mom does the laundry and sweeps up all of our dog hair. She loves that so much she does it about three times every day. Today, she decides to bake cookies for our brother's teachers. I hope they don't want the recipe; those things came in frozen balls out of a box.. I'm surprised she took the time to divide them before throwing them in the oven. I only sound like I don't care because we're not allowed to eat chocolate. The next time the woman makes dog biscuits, I'll be sure to write down the recipe.

Henry: Mom went to get the mail. Where did she go? When is she coming back? Why can't I see her? Will I still get a snack? Are you going to look at me?

Lila: Calm down, brother. she's right there. Taking pictures of our sadness. How dare she think us missing her would make a nice photo op? I'm very upset right now. I need a nap. Let the woman clean while we sleep. Quick! Off to the sofa!

3 hours later......Mom decides to sneak downstairs to practice yoga. Without us.

Lila: She won't miss her Swiffer at all, will she? What? You don't think I did this, do you?

Henry: Lila said to tell you I did this...

Mom is cooking dinner, so we are wrestling with each other til she tells us to stop.

Lila: You know, the woman has 4 bathrooms. She cleans them all. She's always complaining about the family missing the seat and that she has to clean up their mess. They still get to pee in the house! Henry poops on the carpet and we both get sent to the bedroom. Life is so unfair. I may run away. After dinner.

Lila: No, We're not in jail. We get the whole top two floors of the house. Mom is down in her shop working. If we sit here long enough, she'll miss us and come up. She'll probably give us steak, but probably not. Dang milk bones...

Henry: She'll be right back, Where did she go? I can't see her! Who are we looking for  again? Did you say steak? Hmm?

Lila: I bet you guessed. No steak. Only lonely bowls of Puppy Chow. Mom tried to slip us some beef chunks from the stew, but it felt like an empty hug. Don't get me wrong, I ate it. I'm not a fool.

Henry: We got food and water and special beef! I love life! I think I'll sleep.

Lila: Oh yeah! Our favorite time of the day! Walking with mom rocks. I'm kind of slow, she's kind of slow...

Henry: I can't believe we're going to walk! I love to walk. I love to walk really fast. You said I could lead this time. It's almost dark. Let. Us. Gooooo!

Henry: That's it Lila! Move those trunks!

Lila: Wheeeeeeeeeeze.

Lila: All right. Mom said she had to write her blog. That's fine. I don't know why Henry is up here. He has a very nice bed on the floor with my name on it. If mom would just take the time to give me my belly rub, we could all move on and get our own stuff done.

Lila: Yeah. So thanks for coming. We'll get up tomorrow and do it all over again. After mom checks her work and makes sure all of her computer friends are comfy for the night, she'll slip under those covers and I'll be able to lay across her like the letter T. If she will just finish....That's right, Mamacita, close that window out. And that one. And your mail. If you hit that FB button, I'm going to start howling like there's no tomorrow. I need my shut eye....Come on, you can do it....

Henry: Hey dad! You, taking the pictures. You smell like food. Did you bring snacks? Are they for me? They are! I knew it! Can I have some? Why is everyone so tired? You want to watch basketball? Come over here. Show me some love!

Lila: Eh. Good night, peeps. 

Thanks once again to Evil Joy Speaks. That was a fun topic :)

If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. You can also read all about the swap by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!

Baking in a Tornado                       

Chewylicious                   

Just a Little Nutty                    

follow me home             

Stacy Sews and Schools

A Working Mom's Whoas

The Sadder but Wiser Girl

Menopausal Mother

Dates 2 Diapers

Akashic Aisles: The Basement View 

They Call Me Mummy

Evil Joy Speaks             

Happy " Go Outside, Already!" Day, friends

-Michele

I didn't know my child was a loser until the PTA told me....

Trophy Triumph!!

I received this cute little trophy from Karen@Baking in a Tornado. She created this award with her friend Kristy over at Black Sheep Mom. It represents making it through the everyday things that might otherwise break us down. Karen wrote me a message before giving it to me, asking if it would be okay. OK? Are you kidding me? It's a trophy of a woman ready to pull her hair out! How does that NOT scream, "Here you go Michele, enjoy your moment with a trophy of a woman that could be your twin."? Nope. She gave it to me because she is awesome and because with the trophy you are allowed to vent. Mmmhmm. If you live in "Blog Land" you're probably thinking, "Shellybean venting? Oh this is going to be fun!" If you live in my real world and know how I can be, you're scooting up really close to the screen hoping this is not about you. (Don't worry, it's probably not.)

In accepting this award awesome trophy, we must do the following:

1. Display the Trophy in your post.
2. Write a short piece that starts with this: "I didn't kill beat up____________today. It doesn't have to be a person; it can be an appliance, a business or anything else you choose.
3. Nominate a few people to pass the trophy on to and let them know it is THEIR turn to vent.

As usual, this is my story to tell. Please do not take offense to the following vent (unless it was you):

I didn't beat-up  a few of the "ridunkulously tunnel-visioned"adults  at my son's school today. Not that I would, I'm not a violent person. I've had just about enough of the "Haves/Have Nots" business going on in our elementary school right now. Here is one of 3,567 things I'm venting about...

The thing is, I actually taught at this school. For a good chunk of time.  I don't know how else to explain it. I was the first teacher that many of the students at the school encountered (I taught Kindergarten.) For the first month, all we practiced were procedures. How to sit in a chair, how to share pencils, how to work as teams, how to enjoy books, how to be kind. That last one was a doosy. I wasn't a strict teacher, but I always felt that my students deserved to feel safe, loved and accepted. I demanded this from each person I met and I demanded it of myself. The reasoning behind this has to do with my childhood and the fact that school was a safe-haven for me. I knew that I wasn't ever going to let a student slip through my fingers without knowing that they mattered; that they were important and respected. If you made someone else feel like less of a person because they didn't have as much money, if you mentioned someone was wearing the same clothes two days in a row, If you made fun of anyone that didn't meet your standards, we would spend another day practicing. "You can't say, You can't play." It was our cheesy mantra, but we lived by it. Teachers after me kept that attitude going. We were a school of equals. Every student was valued.

So you might understand my anger when I say that my son came home last week from school crying. When I asked what was wrong, he didn't want to talk about it. "Did you get hurt? Did someone hurt your feelings? Did you get into trouble? What did you do?" As a teacher, that last question usually gets asked first. Through the sobs he finally told me. "We were in last place. Our class was in last place!"

"Last place for what?" I couldn't think of what he could possibly be talking about.
"Our class didn't raise enough money for the pizza party." he continued.
This is when I figured we'd be having the talk about how it was OK to not win all the time; to take defeat by congratulating the other teams. But then came this:
"Mom! We came in LAST place. Our class walked the track just as hard as everyone! Every class brought enough money for the walk-a-thon except for us!"

All right. "Enough money?" He was definitely exaggerating now. Who would be unkind enough to infer that there was a last place? I'm sure he was just upset that he missed out on a pizza party. This wasn't about how much money an 8 year old child could give, right?  We wouldn't embarrass children for not collecting enough money from their parents. No.

Yes, people. That is exactly what happened. I wouldn't have believed it myself until our school newsletter came home. On page 3 (of 4) was a list of every single teacher's name along side an exact amount down to the cent of what their contributions were. My friend's class collected $935.59. My old coworker was slipping at her job. She collected $552.52. It went on and freaking on. Every teacher. and at the bottom of this money tree was my son's class with a meager $139.02.  Here's my issue. Did they really need to list the amounts? The classes were also placed in order of the parties they won. Pizza parties to 8 classes. Ice Cream Parties to 13 classes! Pizza and Ice Cream party AND a 1 hour recess to 5 classes. The big winner, who collected $1, 472.23 gets a party at a gymnastics center. I'm pretty sure it was the 23 cents that put them over the top. My son's class and one other class were under the "Thanks" column.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not a sour grapes kind of girl. I'm thrilled that there were winning classes. I'm pretty excited that the new playground will finally be up to code. I'm also sure that there were volunteer parents who worked their butts off at the event. What makes me sick is that someone actually printed this list out, with exact numbers of money, had it go through an editing process and be okayed to print. Why not just say, "Our school raised 17,000 dollars! Thank you everyone! Our top class was.______________We will contact the winning classes!" Nope. Just that list, a calendar of going-ons, grade news, and a list of PTA Thank yous...

Here is another vent. There is never a thank you to the handful of parents who were too busy working two jobs so their child could have shoes to wear to school. There were no thank-yous to the other families who quietly donated to every other fundraiser/field trip/art project this year. I don't think I witnessed one shout-out to the single dad that walks his kid to school everyday (because they don't have a car) so that child can take advantage of the free breakfast program...Are those children less worthy because they have a different home-life? On and on it goes.

I apologized to my little boy. I had to tell him that his class didn't "lose" at anything at school. His class donated 7 dollars per student. That was wonderful! I explained that parents give what they can. That it was in some degree, a contest among them, and not the children.

I would totally give up class parties and Field Day to not have another hard-working, loving, young child humiliated. Oh, and those last place teachers of my son's? They have rocked his education this year. He loves going to class and has made all kinds of forever-friends. His teachers have loved my son and have given him all that they can. There, dear readers, are your winners.

So, no. I didn't beat-up those select few tunnel-visioned adults. I'm nicer than that. I don't know what happened in their past that would make them think that any of that was acceptable. I simply hope that they will rethink patting themselves on the back at the cost of others next time. If you can't work together, you will fail alone. Heck, I learned that in Kindergarten! Or on "LOST". I can't remember everything....

Okay. Breathe in-breathe out. Thanks for thinking of me, Karen. You know I love you. I'm passing that sexy-lady trophy to two man-bloggers! They both have salt-of-the-earth blogs and I honor each of them with this prestigious accolade. Work it, boys.

Slu from Slu's World

Jon from Speaking My Mind.

Happy "Be kind to everyone" day, friends.

-Michele