Fly on the Wall: October 2014

Hey there!  Welcome to the October Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 12 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....

Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Buzz on over!

Why is your dame moving her lips?

All right, I don't WANT to chalk this up to living in Utah, but I just don't know anymore. If you look up feminism and our state in the news as of late, you're going to find some very passionate articles. Read a few if you get a chance and then we can discuss.

I know this doesn't happen EVERY where here, but I swear to you, I'm a magnet for sexism.

My current (actually, ongoing) issue is with salesmen. It doesn't matter if I'm buying an appliance, a car, or in today's instance, furniture. It always starts the same way. Without fail, the salesmen comes up to us, but only looks my husband in the eyes.
Salesman: (staring at Mark) "Can I help you folks with something?"
Mark: (pointing to me) "Well, we gave our living room furniture to our daughter, so we're looking for some new stuff."
Salesman: (to Mark) "Are you looking for anything in particular?"
Mark: (again, pointing to me). "I have no idea. Michele has done most of the research. I'm leaving it up to her."
Salesman: (rocking back and forth on his heels, with his hands in his pockets, he leans once again towards Mark) "Well, what does the little lady like?"

Sweet father of upholstery. What year is this? Will this man's short-sleeve shirt and clip-on tie begin to melt if he has to look at me? I could have been holding a huge wad of hundred dollar bills whilst pointing to a sofa and I'd bet that salesman would have slapped me on the behind and asked me to make him a drink. 

When the last salesperson saw the disgust in my eyes, he turned away from me and whispered to Mark in a, 'You poor man. You've got one of THOSE women..' faces and said in a singsong voice, "You know what they say! Happy Wife, Happy Life! "
If I had one of the man parts required to speak to these guys, I would have pulled it out and beat them with it. But then, I may have messed up my pretty dress.

Three furniture stores. Each out of huge sales. Each getting a letter to the highest ranking female I can find.

Long story short, we found our living room set at an out-of-the way non big-box furniture place. Mark sat down on a comfy sofa while I picked out what I wanted, arranged for the delivery and paid the bill. Guess what? My uterus didn't even fall out.

My cute new stuff.

Photo property of DownEast Home

Some things never change:
I was scanning over an article I had written for a friend's blog forever and a day ago. Life got in the way, so it didn't get posted. In it, I was listing 25 things I'm always nagging my children about. The funny thing is, the list still works today. ALL OF IT. 
SO, I'm sharing it.. Any month of the year, a FLY could hear me yelling saying these things: (If you visit this blog often, you'll already be somewhat familiar with the list.)

1. Did you brush your teeth today?

2. When was the last time you got in the shower?

3. Where are you going now?

4. When will you be home?
5. Who ate my candy bar?

6. How long have you actually had to finish the assignment that’s due tomorrow?

7. Will a how-to meeting help our family learn to replace toilet paper?

8. Why are you hoarding wet towels?

9. Where is your pillowcase?

10. Where are all of my forks?

11. Are you really going to wear that?

12. Where’s your jacket/scarf/coat/boots?

13. Can you tell me this story in 30 words or less?

14. What were you thinking?

15. Who hit who first?

16. Why did you say that to your brother?

17. Why did you do that to your sister?

18. Do I look pleased?

19. Do I care what your friends get to do?

20. Did anyone in the public witness this?

21. Did you say “Thank You”?

22. Did you say you were sorry?

23.  Where did you get THAT idea?

24. What is that smell?

25. For the love of all that is holy, WHY?

More quotes from random family members:

"Come to our house. If we're not crafting or eating, we're yelling. All of those things are fun to witness."

"If you're giving away the sofas, are they perhaps being accompanied by the side tables as well?"

"At the checkout I found a bag of Jolly Rancher Lolly pops. I was instantly disappointed. Who wouldn't name those things Jolly Pops? I would buy those in a heartbeat. I mean, I bought them any way, but I'd do it again with a smile on my face." 

"Are we ever going to eat the shrimp in the freezer or are they just going to become one with the ice?"

"I'm not here to say 'Hi', I just need a fork."

"Send that sleep-machine back. The white noise sound makes me think that someone's going to tell CarolAnn to stay away from the light."

"Sure mom. We promise to help clean-up after 'craft night'."
Mmm hmm.

They didn't keep their promise. The project coming together here will be in a new post on Tuesday. Stop by to check it out :)

Go visit the other crazy kids participating in the October Fly :)
Happy Friday, Friends!

Baking in a Tornado                          

The Rowdy Baker                                  

Just a Little Nutty                                

The Momisodes                                          

Spatulas on Parade                          

The Sadder But Wiser Girl                                   

Follow Me Home                          

Stacy Sews and Schools                 

Menopausal Mother                          

Battered Hope                            

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                         

Someone Else's Genius                

Crumpets and Bollocks               

Use Your Words: Pattern Stories #3

Today’s post is a writing challenge created by Karen @ Baking in A Tornado. This is how it works: 13 participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, but there's a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who received their words or in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featured in this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they were given and how they used them. 

My words are: 

vengeful irony (optional) ~ eye broccoli (opposite of eye candy) ~ insidious ~ stroll ~ alluring ~ insignificant

They were submitted by: http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com  
Holy Hannah with those words, woman!!

Pattern Stories #3
   

Pattern drawings are the property of Kwik Sew Pattern Co. 

Pattern #852 was designed by Kerstin Martensson.

Despite blasting Donna Summer's disco loveliness overhead, nothing and no one could help Julia and Kristy connect during last month's photo shoot.

The two had been competing for the same modeling gigs in what seemed like forever. No matter how much Julia had tried, she could never measure up to what Kristy brought to the stage. 

At the Prell shampoo shoot last May, Kristy showed up with bouncy, newly-frosted hair. The color was so alluring, Julia didn't even make it into the final photo. When Julia had practiced the perfect motions for a "cross-your-heart" bra commercial later that month, Kristy strolled in with a new set of perky double Ds. Julia had always felt insignificant in Kristy's shadow.

Then came the day when the girls were competing for the front page of McCall's magazine. The cover-girl would show off the most anticipated piece of clothing for fall: The culottes. Every girl wanted to get their hands on a pair and wear them with the other must-haves of the season: knee-high leather boots.

Kristy had the insidious plan of choosing the tomato-colored culottes knowing the leather boots would match marvelously. She was sure to make the cover.

But when the photographer caught sight of the eye broccoli that were Julia's feet, he demanded that the boots cover any sight of them, and in his words, " the legs they were attached to."

Kristy, who was not at all happy at this turn of events, decided to show off her glorious Double Ds  once again in a revealing button-up blouse. Surely that would clinch the job.

Unfortunately, in what can only be described as a vengeful irony, two buttons on that fabulous shirt popped off and bounced out of sight. Kristy would spend the rest of the shoot in her last-season moccasins, carefully covering up her "girls." She would have to save her beautifully whitened smile (via Pearl Drops) for another day.

All was not lost for Kristy. While Julia made the September cover of McCall's, both women were featured on Kwik Sew's new pattern for culottes. (Any claims to the notion that Kristy's cover was due in-part to her father owning the Kwik Sew company should be dismissed, as this was purely coincidental.)


Happy Friday, friends :)
Check out all the cool kids participating this week:

Baking in a Tornado                              

Spatulas on Parade                       

Stacy Sews and Schools                   

Follow Me Home                        

Battered Hope                             

The Bergham's Life Chronicles                    

Evil Joy Speaks                  

The Momisodes                                    

Someone Else's Genius                        

Confessions of a part-time working mom            

Crumpets and Bollocks                 

Sparkly Poetic Weirdo                     

Eileen's Perpetually Busy                    

             

Tailgate With Us: Reversible Busy Bags

Hello friends!

Have you ever been to a tailgating party? They're usually celebrated before, during or after a sports game (either outside your home or in). Have you ever been to one where you didn't need to bring anything? Well, THIS is that kind of party. All you need to do is pull up a comfy chair, grab a little something warm to drink, and start reading. Karen@ Baking in a Tornado came up with a way for a group of bloggers to throw a new kind of "Virtual Tailgating" celebration and it's all for you!

Each blogger up in that beautiful Brady Bunch-looking collage (9 of us all together) has prepared a 'lil "Tailgating Awesomeness" for you. It may be delicious, adorable, informative or comfortable. You'll find each of the links to these great projects at the end of this post.

First up, though, is my tutorial for Reversible Busy Bags. These are small carry-alls that your little one can bring to a game or any event. You can fill them with art supplies, treats, or books. Make them smaller for tots or bigger for you. Once you get the hang of making them, you may even want to create some for gifts (think Halloween treat bags!) They are my design. So please, don't sell them without my written permission.

Want to learn to make one? Follow my photo tutorial! It's a bit lengthy, but easy to follow.
Need to come back when you have more time? Bookmark the link up there in your address bar.
Want to order one instead? Leave me a message in the shellybean shop!

Any questions? Leave a comment at the end of this post! I'm happy to help.

Here we go!

Finished measurements of the blue bag (not handles) are 9" by 8.5"by 2"

green bag is 11.5" by 8.5"by 2.5"

The following directions are for the green bag.

You will need:

1/2 yard fabric for outside of the bag, pockets and handles

1/2 yard fabric for lining and lining pockets

1 yard iron-on interfacing. I use Pellon #808 (read directions on pkg.)

2.5 inches of 1/8" elastic

2 buttons (Mine are 7/8")

Thread (I use all-purpose)

Pattern Paper (I use the back of wrapping paper. Look for the kind that measures in 1" square increments; it saves time, peeps!)

Sewing Tools:

Sewing machine, sewing needle, scissors, pins, chalk, iron (set to fabric you're using).

Warnings: Pins are sharp, as are scissors. Use caution. Irons (especially the steam setting) can burn. Remove pins before sewing over them. Don't run with scissors...all that jazz...

From experience: Do NOT fill bags with crayons if they are going to spend ANY time in a warm car. Little ones need to be careful of marker caps. Don't run with suckers in your mouth. You get it.

 Click on each picture to enlarge. Some photos contain detailed instructions/tips.

1. Pattern Pieces (3)

 2. Cut out main fabric, lining and interfacing according to pattern pieces.

 3. Press fabric and lining.

4. Iron on interfacing. You only need to interface TWO of the lining pockets; not all four.

5. Iron and sew handles. 

 6. Transfer handle and elastic markings.

 7. Sew pockets. I used one main fabric and one lining fabric for each pocket.

Two finished pockets will have interfacing. Two will not.

 8. Pin/sew interfaced pockets following directions in the photo.

9. Pin and sew on non-interfaced pockets according to photo.

 10. Measure, mark and top stitch divider pocket.

 11. Pin handles and elastic at markings to main fabric. Baste or stitch close to edge.

 12. Using a 1/2 seam allowance, stitch sides. Press seams open.

 13. Repeat with lining, but leave bottom open at markings.

Leave about 4" open at bottom.

 14. Box corners. You're matching the bottom of the open side seam to the base of the bag seam. Pin. 1/2" seam allowance.

 15. Put main bag into lining. Right sides of both bags will be facing each other. Match side seams and markings of tucked-in handles. Pin along the top. Stitch all the way around.

 16. Remember that 4" opening you left in the bottom of the lining? Open that up and carefully pull the whole bag out. This will eventually pull the lining right side out too. You will tuck that into the bag so it becomes the "lining". You can slip-stitch the 4"hole closed. Now you can top-stitch the finished bag along the bag top.

 17. After you sew on buttons, you can decide which side you like best. Shown here is the bag right side out.

  Here is the bag "Lining" side out. Press bag if needed and load that baby up. I use markers on the inside and colored pencils on the outside. There's construction paper and stickers inside also.

 Here's the back view.

 Here's one for my family's home team(s).

And there you have it. Whew!! 

Don't forget to stop by the other sites participating in this virtual party. Remember, winners NEVER quit, so keep on reading! Each blog is really excited to have you visit! 

The hostess of this rocking tailgate party is none other than Karen, from "Baking in a Tornado". Pop over to see her fantastic recipe for an amazing Glazed Kielbasa Sandwich.

Stacy, from "Stacy Sews and Schools" teaches us how to make her very cute Team Color Headband and Earmuffs.

Robin, from "Someone Else’s Genius" gives us an analysis of college football in her Review of the book "The System: The Glory and Scandal of Big-Time College Football"

Diane, from "Canning and Cooking at Home" is showing us how to make a delicious Spicy Mustard Relish.

Eileen, from "Eileen’s Perpetually Busy" shows us how to make a tailgating Team Colors Seat Cushion With a built-in handle for carrying ease. Sweet!

Lydia, from "Cluttered Genius", has an Easy DIY Upcycled Team Garland that shows you how to make a garland for your tailgating party out of products you already have in your house.

Shawn, from "Literary Litter" provides a tutorial on how to make an adorable Snapcap. It's a crocheted hat that will keep you warm AND let everyone know what's on your mind.

Melissa, from "Home on Deranged" brings technology to tailgating, showing us how to use technology and cool gadgets to ensure you are master of tailgating time!

Cheers to a "FAN"tastic week, my friends :)

-Michele