If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 12 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make
Your “Secret Subject” is:
The cleaning wizard visits. Offers you the chance to forever forgo your least favorite chore. The one chore you will Never Ever have to do again. What is it? Who do you wish it upon? Why?
It was submitted by: www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com
WARNING: If TMI is not your thing, you better move on now...
WARNING: If TMI is not your thing, you better move on now...
Never again? Do you promise Ms. Cleaning Wizard? I'd half expect her to answer.
"Yes, my dear. Why, you've had the power to stop all along…"
I'd cry happy tears. Twirling would be probable. Maybe some rocking on the floor. I'm sure eating ice-cream straight out of the carton would be happening as well. Solo. Mmm.
Which chore you ask? If you read this blog, you'd more than likely already know my answer.
I hope it counts as one chore. Cleaning the toilet. The lid, the bowl, the front, the disgusting part where the screws attach AT the lid, and the 2 foot perimeter of the whole dang area around it. Please tell me that all falls under the category of "Cleaning the porcelain princess".
Hey. I've had my share of college days and hugging the cold white bowl. There were, in fact those nasty evenings after eating too much Taco Bell. I've even broken my water over the toilet. Yes, the john and I have REALLY gotten to know one another. My point is, I have never gagged in any of those situations like I do cleaning our toilets now.
Does it have to do with having teens? Have toilets become smaller, thus leaving an impossible target? Is it like my dogs? Are people in my home marking their territory? Let me tell you one thing. Those dogs (who have been known to eat each other's poop) won't even go near our bathrooms.
Every day, I lift the lid to find tiny yellow drops. Most days, there is a matching yellow stream down the front and onto the grout of the cold tile floor. I stopped using rugs; they were getting "damp". I stopped setting the brush and bleach so close to the toilet (I was trying to give clues!), but the bottles were covered in what I can only describe as "honey-colred spatter". If I really wanted to know (and I don't!), I'd buy one of those black light things. I know I wouldn't find a murder scene. Nope. But I just MIGHT find out who has been peeing on my walls. Maybe they wrote their name like guys do in the snow. If this isn't TMI, then get ready. It's highly likely that one of my family members forgoes the toilet paper altogether and just slides off the bowl, leaving me with, oh, I don't know. Just a daily piece of sunshine? I'd like to think that person is saving a rain forest somewhere while I'm stuck spraying chemicals from atop the washing machine.
On the off-chance I haven't hit the bathrooms yet? Well that's when the friends or family stop over, of course!
"Can I just quickly use your potty? Thanks!" says someone who's asking rhetorically.
Shock and a hit to my stomach. OMG. What in the world will they see? Should I stop them? Should I tell them to squat? Should I pretend we didn't pay the water bill and swiftly push them back out the door? It has happened to me, kids. More than once.
All right. So if the Clorox fairy is REALLY giving me a free pass, who should get the job? Is it fair to give it to the daughter that's as sickened as me? The man? He is 6'2" after all. How about the teen with all of his teen friends?
The youngest? Would he even be strong enough to scrape the yellow gunk off of the floor?
I only have one answer. It's a good idea, because it can be used two fold. I'm thinking of putting a different colored tablet (the kind used for dying Easter eggs) into every family member's drink for a few days. Do you follow me? The colored urine would give away the culprit. Genius, I know. That person would forever be destined to clean the royal throne. I can see it sparkling now. Gleaming, really.
Oh yeah. Remember how I said two fold? That "colorful" person (or another) will give themselves up when they spit their toothpaste in the sink. A little color with a whole bunch of toothpaste. Why rinse the gunk down, right? That's what mom is for!
Excuse me while I put on the old ruby slippers. Hmm? The Lysol/Borax/Clorox/Comet fairy likes the fuzzy purple slippers? You've got it. Closing the eyes and clicking my heels a few times...
"There's nowhere like the beach,
there's nowhere like the sea.
Fairy grant me just one wish,
Let someone else clean the pee."
Thanks for the prompt, Evil Joy Speaks.!
If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. She is incredible. You can also read all about the swaps by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.
Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!
Happy "Enjoy the daylight while you can", friends.
-Michele
-Michele
