The Cool Kids

Friday, November 8, 2013

Secret Subject Swap- November

Hello, November. Eh. We just finished Halloween, and now all of the Christmas ads/songs/decorations are appearing. Too fast, people. Give us at least SOME Turkey time. The good news?  It's time for the SSS!

If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 12 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

Your “Secret Subject” is:
The cleaning wizard visits. Offers you the chance to forever forgo your least favorite chore. The one chore you will Never Ever have to do again. What is it?  Who do you wish it upon?  Why?

It was submitted by:      

WARNING: If TMI is not your thing, you better move on now...             

Never again? Do you promise Ms. Cleaning Wizard? I'd half expect her to answer.
"Yes, my dear. Why, you've had the power to stop all along…"
I'd cry happy tears. Twirling would be probable. Maybe some rocking on the floor. I'm sure eating ice-cream straight out of the carton would be happening as well. Solo. Mmm.

Which chore you ask? If you read this blog, you'd more than likely already know my answer.
I hope it counts as one chore. Cleaning the toilet. The lid, the bowl, the front, the disgusting part where the screws attach AT the lid, and the 2 foot perimeter of the whole dang area around it. Please tell me that all falls under the category of "Cleaning the porcelain princess".

Hey. I've had my share of college days and hugging the cold white bowl. There were, in fact those nasty evenings after eating too much Taco Bell. I've even broken my water over the toilet. Yes, the john and I have REALLY gotten to know one another. My point is, I have never gagged in any of those situations like I do cleaning our toilets now.

Does it have to do with having teens? Have toilets become smaller, thus leaving an impossible target? Is it like my dogs? Are people in my home marking their territory? Let me tell you one thing. Those dogs (who have been known to eat each other's poop) won't even go near our bathrooms.

Every day, I lift the lid to find tiny yellow drops. Most days, there is a matching yellow stream down the front and onto the grout of the cold tile floor. I stopped using rugs; they were getting "damp". I stopped setting the brush and bleach so close to the toilet (I was trying to give clues!), but the bottles were covered in what I can only describe as "honey-colred spatter". If I really wanted to know (and I don't!), I'd buy one of those black light things. I know I wouldn't find a murder scene. Nope. But I just MIGHT find out who has been peeing on my walls. Maybe they wrote their name like guys do in the snow. If this isn't TMI, then get ready. It's highly likely that one of my family members forgoes the toilet paper altogether and just slides off the bowl, leaving me with, oh, I don't know. Just a daily piece of sunshine? I'd like to think that person is saving a rain forest somewhere while I'm stuck spraying chemicals from atop the washing machine.

On the off-chance I haven't hit the bathrooms yet? Well that's when the friends or family stop over, of course!
"Can I just quickly use your potty? Thanks!" says someone who's asking rhetorically.
Shock and a hit to my stomach. OMG. What in the world will they see? Should I stop them? Should I tell them to squat? Should I pretend we didn't pay the water bill and swiftly push them back out the door? It has happened to me, kids. More than once.

All right. So if the Clorox fairy is REALLY giving me a free pass, who should get the job? Is it fair to give it to the daughter that's as sickened as me? The man? He is 6'2" after all. How about the teen with all of his teen friends?
The youngest? Would he even be strong enough to scrape the yellow gunk off of the floor?

I only have one answer. It's a good idea, because it can be used two fold. I'm thinking of putting a different colored tablet (the kind used for dying Easter eggs) into every family member's drink for a few days. Do you follow me? The colored urine would give away the culprit. Genius, I know. That person would forever be destined to clean the royal throne. I can see it sparkling now. Gleaming, really.

Oh yeah. Remember how I said two fold? That "colorful" person (or another) will give themselves up when they spit their toothpaste in the sink. A little color with a whole bunch of toothpaste. Why rinse the gunk down, right? That's what mom is for!

Excuse me while I put on the old ruby slippers. Hmm? The Lysol/Borax/Clorox/Comet fairy likes the fuzzy purple slippers? You've got it. Closing the eyes and clicking my heels a few times...

"There's nowhere like the beach,
there's nowhere like the sea.
Fairy grant me just one wish,
Let someone else clean the pee."

Thanks for the prompt, Evil Joy Speaks.!

If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. She is incredible. You can also read all about the swaps by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!
Baking in a Tornado                        
The Momisodes                         
Just a Little Nutty                     
Follow Me Home              
The Sadder but Wiser Girl                                     
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                            
Crazy as Normal                                     
Searching for Sanity                   
Dawn's Disaster                           
Menopausal Mother                               
Evil Joy Speaks                           


Happy "Enjoy the daylight while you can", friends.


  1. That is genius!
    That would produce some "colorful" conversation.
    I'll scrub the throne, if you'll do the dishes! ;)

    1. I like washing the dishes, so you have a deal. Except the silverware. That job is for the kids. The worst is when you finish the dishes (kind of like laundry) and the kids come into the kitchen with all of their dirty ones. I feel like I can never keep up!

  2. I LOVE the idea of the easter egg dye! But I already know who the dirty bathroom culprit is in our house--the 17 yr. old son. Always. Cracks me up that you wrote this post today--the one I did for ITPR this morning is also about nasty bathrooms as well! I think it is a BIG pet peeve of many of us! Funny post, Michele. Now can you send that cleaning wizard over to my house when you're done? I have a toilet that needs a good scrubbing....

    1. THe middle child gave me that idea, because I was going to use regular dye and he is a science freak. WHen I suggested the dye you use for your hair or to color your clothes, he asked me if I was trying to kill our family. What is it with bathrooms? You can have the cleaning wizard as long as she keeps her promise to me. If she does, she's ALL yours. :)

  3. Oh yeah, if you're going to give one up that's the one. Have to admit I was holding my breath the whole time hoping you weren't going to give the chore to me!

    1. I would never pass such a chore on to a fellow mom. That's just cruel. How about you and I come up with that magic recipe I was talking about, then we could hire lovely people to come and clean the bathrooms for us. That would make our families a little bit caring to an outside individual.! <3

  4. OMG - I love what you did with this!!! I clean for other people so I would ask that my entire house be looked after! I look after others' homes - I don't want to do my own after I get home!!!! And seriously - you nailed it - what is with the teenagers not being able to hit the 'target' - they do great when playing video games and nailing the target - can't they aim their pee in the giant hole?!!!?!?

    I Love this post!!! Thanks for taking my prompt and running with it! You rock!!!

    1. I knew the answer to your prompt when I got it. Thank you for that :) I always say it wouldn't do any good for me to have people clean my house. I'd be so embarrassed of the mess, I'd clean it before they got here. I hope you clean polite people's homes! Your video game analogy is perfect. What's up with that? <3

  5. YES. YES. YES. AND AMEN. Totally outnumbered by the males in this house. SO. SO. SO. GROSS. Also - they take the toilet paper off the holder and leave it on the back of the toilet. Why?! Why do they do that?! Boys. Blerg. =)

    1. When my daughter leaves home in the next year, it will be me against 3 boys. I may just close off one of these restrooms to be all mine. The others will just have to rot them selves thru the floors. Okay, that will never happen, We usually run out of toilet paper and no one bothers to put it back on the roll..Ugh

  6. Oh man.......yea, I'd have to give up the chore of cleaning the bathrooms. Both of them, all of it....yup.....

    1. Let's make a movement. We're pissed (get it?) and we r not going to take it anymore!!

  7. Well, you know I'm smiling. I sooooooo 'feel' ya. Now, we are blessed in that once all the kids were gone (finally), we were able to hire Miss Lucy. She comes once a week and she is awesome. We love Miss Lucy.

    However, I had to laugh at the 'when company stops by' section. I'm so freakin' anal that when we are at someone's house for a party and there are several people there, when I go use the restroom, if some before me used the restroom and left any kind of a "mess," I will take the time to "clean it up" before I walk out. In case someone might be standing there waiting to go after me. I don't want them thinking that I left a mess, when it was actually someone else. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! I know, I need help.

    So love seeing that you have written something on my side-bar. Makes my day. Always enjoy, Slu

    1. I told you, I want a Miss Lucy too! Still, I'd have to clean the whole house first, so she wouldn't think we were pigs.
      The secret of the party is to pee and pee ofter before the party. In the off chance you have to use the lavatory and it's a mess, you simply open the door right away and yell "Are you kidding me? Dang!" and then slam the door and go about your business.
      All night after you should look at some strange person, and say, "Really man? Is that what you learned from you mother?" That in fact, could be used in many a situation.
      You're welcome. Keep smiling :)

  8. If cleaning the toilet doesn't count as a chore I'm not sure what does. I like your colored dye idea. Maybe if we use enough so that it starts leaking out of our pores it could come in handy with other disputes, such as who was the last one to touch that item that is now on the floor or who ate the last piece of pie. Of course then we would have more stained stuff to clean up so maybe that wouldn't help anything. Another great post - thanks for the laughs, even if some of them were close to home!

    1. Who ate the last piece of pie? You realize that this was my experiment. There would be no dye for me. The pie mystery will remain just that: a mystery.Along with who ate all of the Halloween Candy and who hasn't dusted since summer...

  9. I hear you on this one. We had an ensuite put in a couple of years back and I now won't let anyone ( yes anyone ) use it apart from me! I need one safe place to go where I know at all times I can sit with no danger of what I will be sitting in/on. I still clean up their mess, but at least I have my own safe place to pee :) XXX

    1. I want my own toilet, Claire! A safe place to pee sounds like heaven…I might never leave :) xx


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