Hello friends! It's the beginning of a brand new month and that can only mean one thing: The house payment is due. Other than that, it's time again to participate in the January version of the Secret Subject Swap; a day where 15 bloggers swap unknown topics and do their best not to embarrass themselves by interpreting them. Well, 14 other bloggers probably are trying not to embarrass themselves, I rather like to do that.
The SSS is the brainchild of Karen@ Baking in a Tornado. She works really hard to crank these projects out, so I do my best to make her smile and worry whether or not my procrastination will finally do me in. She arranges all of the swapped topics for the each blogger, so please, go give them each a look. They've worked equally hard on their posts. This is the first half of the January Swap. Check out her blog for future swaps and let her know if you'd like to participate. It's a great way to meet new bloggers and make a few friends along the way.
This month's topic came from Tracy over @ Momaical.
Tracy's topic for me was : Describe an occasion of public humiliation that was instigated by someone you love.
Well, if you know me, you're already familiar with he fact that I need not have someone around to publicly humiliate myself; I do that just fine on my own. I get in the wrong lines at voting booths, I trip in high heels, I wear smashed cookies on my clothes to public events and I never find myself saying the right things at the right times. If anyone is doing the embarrassing, it's me. I've got four family members that could happily give you examples.
Let's see, if I look far back enough to find an example of public humiliation that WASN'T instigated by me...Hmm, let me think..Oh yes. there it is...floating around like a distant dream...
Warning: This is a story from my point of view. It is not in any way, meant to offend anyone.
Cast of Characters:
Princess McRib - Me
Prince Mac-hacker- The Man
Miss Twirl- Around- The daughter
Papa Smurf- The neighbor
Once upon a time, long, long ago (1996) there lived a wild-child, name Princess McRib and her husband, Prince Mac-hacker. They travelled far, far away from their native land shaped like a mitten, to start a new life in a town near a lake filled with salt and brine shrimp. This land was very different from where Princess McRib was raised. Although Prince Mac-hacker found it easy to fit in (he was the very quiet, kind and conforming type), Princess McRib had a much more difficult time. Moving to the suburbs of the new town proved even more difficult. No one wanted to come over for a cup of coffee, let alone go for a G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out). Social Princess McRib began to wilt and even more, worried if moving was the best choice for their daughter, Miss Twirl-around.
Eventually, people began to talk with the Prince and Princess. Kids were allowed to play with Miss Twirl-around and all seemed well. Princess McRib never figured out whether it was her semi-conformed personality that brought the good people around or the fact that she was a teacher of most of the neighborhood kids. For the longest time it didn't matter; she was being acknowledged. The newest family from the land of the mitten was now considered "accepted". They kept both their yard and their heads up.
One day, the Prince and Princess were intoduced to the man across the street, Papa Smurf. Papa Smurf lived alone and was a prominent member of the community. Princess McRib hit it off with him right away, mostly because he loved to tell stories by pointing to every one's house and giving the rundown of the goings on inside them. The information was never taken as gossip, (though that's exactly what it was), but more of as a revelation, to know that other people weren't as perfect as they appeared. Papa knew something about EVERYBODY. Prince and Princess always had Papa Smurf over for dinner, brought him treats and gabbed about his history. Princess McRib carefully prided herself in the fact that Papa Smurf couldn't spread any lightening fast
Months down the road, Princess McRib went through a serious surgery. She begged the Prince and those close to her not to speak of it. The worst thing to her, was pity from those who never talked to her otherwise. She hated seeming weak. A sad face or a casserole from strangers would be even worse. Anyway, the surgery didn't go well. Something bad occurred during the procedure and left Princess McRib with 2rd degree burns down her legs. Nightly, Prince Mac-hacker had to change bandages and apply medicine while the Princess cried in pain and in humiliation. Little Miss Twirl-around was a bit frightened after hearing her mom sob, but also seemed to understand that it was a private matter and was being taken care of.
One night, Papa Smurf came to the door and Miss Twirl-Around answered.
"Is your mom home?" he asked looking around.
"Yes. She's in the bathroom." Miss. T.A. said.
"Oh. Well is your dad home?" he asked.
"Let me check." she yelled.
Miss Twirl around came to the bathroom door and saw that Prince was re-wrapping Princess' legs and closed the door softly.
She ran back down to Papa Smurf (who had no idea what was going on) and whispered...
Wait for it...
"My dad is in the bathroom shower with my mom. She's bent over and he's rubbing that spot between her legs until she feels better."
And there you have it. Like the ringing of a bell. The axis of the earth tilted a degree. Miss Twirl-Around had inadvertently set off rumors via Papa Smurf, that Prince Mac-hacker and Princess McRib were playing sex games while their young daughter fed cheerios to the toddler, Mister Teletubbie. It was only a matter of time before others would be pointing at our house and retelling the story operator-style.
-People never quite looked at us the same. New neighbors moved in and I watched as Papa Smurf would casually point to our house with his introductions. I wasn't totally broken hearted. Some of our very best friends had heard the story and decided we were still cool enough to hang out with.
The best part was, after that, I always found extra Victoria Secret coupons in our mailbox.
At the very least, I was probably never going to get another casserole again.
Don't forget to check out the other 15 bloggers who participated in this swap. Their blogs are listed below :)
Happy "Everybody-has-days-like-this" Day, friends!