-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Secret Subject Swap-February '14

Happy February, friends!

If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in a secret e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 11 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

My “Secret Subject” is:
Martha Stewart, inspiration or horrible show off?
It was submitted by:  http://spinstersnacks.com

Martha, Martha, Martha.

I wrote a small note to Martha and Bob Villa a few years back. It sadly explained how we three were NOT alike in our decorating. I respect both for their careful, planned-out projects; but for the love of wood-glue and sawdust, I just can't be a step-by-step girl. I re-did my whole staircase with fall garland still on the banister. I begged my husband (ignoring his pleas) to install a glass door on our bathroom. I'm a little off. Admit it. That's why you're here in the first place.

Martha's likes: delicate china, bidets, and building things "plumb, level and square."
My likes: eating cookie dough from the mixer,  peeing when the kids will let me, and using tons of caulk.


So. Is Martha a show-off? I'm not sure. Anytime I think of the ridiculous, glitterific-dodecagon crafts she comes up with, I try to remember that she has a huge staff behind her. Those people are probably coming up (hourly) with more ways to make humans feel inadequate. I doubt it's purposeful. I also doubt that Martha milks her own cows and rips her own cheese cloth to come up with cream for her morning coffee. She's a brand. There are things I disagree with regarding her process, but she's obviously doing something right to be where she is today. Rather than tear her down as a person, I thought I'd high-light a few differences between ol' Martha and me. There are many solutions to problems. Some are careful, calculated, precise and thorough, and some are mine.

Here are a few quotes from Martha and me:

Martha: "I have cotton or flannel sheets, depending on the weather. They have to be ironed, and I get my bed changed nearly everyday.".-brainyquote.com

Me: "If I make it to bed without having to shake off a pound of dog hair, without having my fitted sheet pop up from where the fabric pulled away from the elastic, or even if I have to kick off a few jellybeans/popcorn/kids from the bed, I've had a good day. The man knows when the sheets have been freshly washed because there is always a "damp spot" that the dryer has missed; and somehow, that always ends up on his side."
***
Martha: "I have a minor gripe…Who are these bloggers? They're not trained editors at Vogue magazine. I mean, there are bloggers writing recipes that aren't tested, that aren't necessarily any good, or are copies of everything that really good editors have created or done. So, bloggers create kind of a popularity, but they are not the experts. We have to understand that."- Bloomberg TV

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Bloggers are wonderful. They've used social media to benefit their businesses, build contacts and network. They connect with others offering advice, support or an often-needed smile. Many bloggers are beyond educated. Not only by holding college degrees, but by raising children without "guides". We pull foods for dinner out of what we have left in our pantries (not from french cookbooks). When our children are crying, we are the only ones who get to solve their problems. Most of us do not have a "staff." I have about 100 followers, which is anything but popular. Still, I write for my sanity as well as to share my ideas. As for using our recipes and having them work? If they can feed a husband, three finicky children and 2 dogs, I say they are more than tested. Dang it, I can rock a grilled cheese sandwich! Can an editor at Vogue make micro-wave popcorn ala shellybean? I think not. You know what? That's okay too. I'm happy to share the recipe. You're always welcome to read about my world; my successes and my epic fails. That's what bloggers do."
Micro-wave popcorn ala' shellybean


***
Martha: "It's a good thing."
Me: "On the eighth day, God made caulk, and it was good."


***

Martha: "I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time." -brainyquote.com
* "I love to be sick! There is nothing like throwing up or writhing in pain on my 'down-time."- said no woman EVER.
***

Martha: "I find that when you have a real interest in life and a curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing"- thinkexist.com

Me: "I find that in order to walk upright and produce clear thoughts, one needs to sleep. Lack of it often makes the creative dull; it makes workers (blue and white collar) incapable of properly doing their jobs. Most of all, it makes for one grouchy household. We all know it: When mama ain't happy….COME ON NOW."


studying sleep :)



***
Martha: "Never ate fast food. I proudly can tell you that I've eaten one Burger King and I think maybe two McDonald's... and today I ate an In-N-Out burger. It was okay. You know, it's not my favorite food. I would much rather have a salad or sushi or something like that.-credit: Foodista
Me: "God Bless you, Martha Stewart."

If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. She is an amazing woman. You can also read all about the swaps by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's 15 talented participants!



Baking in a Tornado                          
The Momisodes                                       
Stacy Sews and Schools               
follow me home                     
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                                   
Dates 2 Diapers 2                       
Confessions of a Part-time Working Mom                        
Evil Joy Speaks                   
Spinster Snacks                                         
FBX Adventures (In Parenting)                           
More Than Cheese and Beer        
Searching for Sanity                     
Small Talk Mama                                          
Juicebox Confession                         
Spatulas on Parade 
     
Digital cartoon credits: CJM Happy Friday, friends :)
-Michele               

30 comments:

  1. I loved the pictures! And Martha can suck it (*sings* suck itttt....if you are a fan of the show Psych, you know what I mean)

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    Replies
    1. Can I tell you I've been singing "suck itttt" since yesterday? Martha just needs a Starbucks and a snooze button :)

      Delete
  2. Frankly, Martha could use getting knocked off her high horse. I stopped watching her when she was demonstrating a craft, and it quickly became clear she did not prepare it herself. One of her many staff had laid out the supplies, and finished product, all clearly labeled, and Martha didn't know what was going on. I hate her "I do it all, and you're inferior if you can't do it all, too" attitude when, clearly, she can't do it without a huge staff helping her. Yes, she is a business genius, but, you, Shel, are, by far, the better Crafty Goddess!!!! (Love the illustrations!) xxoo

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    1. I have a feeling that if Martha fell off the proverbial horse, her signature glitter would fall out after her :) Anyone who gets off on making people feel inferior (on purpose) needs to reevaluate. Crafty Goddess? That's why I love you. Can crafty Goddesses burn all of their fingers on a glue gun? Can they use caulk? Haha <3 you. C. thanks you for your compliment :)

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  3. This is GREAT!!!! Martha makes me want to SCREAM!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!

    I would love to see her try to do it all herself.

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    1. I would love to see Martha simultaneously pick up warm dog poop and the vomit that comes from a child because of it! Can you imagine her on her hands and knees scrubbing boy pee out of tile grout?

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  4. I have a love/hate thing with Martha. Sometimes she has good ideas that I can do in a more realistic way and make work for her home. But...her recipes have gone wrong at my house. And....my recipes are tested by everyone who has to eat what I make over and over and over again, sometimes 2-3x a week for a month, until I'm happy with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See, you really are the expert at your recipes. Families are good test-labs. Or in my case, guinea pigs :)

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  5. So glad you're not Martha. You're way funnier. And (yes, started a sentence with "and" again) you're perfect just the way you are.

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    1. Haha. Martha and I DO both love snoop dog; he's pretty funny. I highly doubt Martha ever stole her sister's chocolate rabbits. AND she probably doesn't participate in any awesome blog swaps.

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  6. haha yeah, Martha may have some great recipes or decorate beautifully but we bloggers are real people and I'm good with that.

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    1. Holla! Me too, Dawn. I'd much rather "just" be me :) Who needs to do anything that takes more than five-steps? On purpose?

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  7. I love Martha as a mother of DIY and creative inspiration, but in reality she is just the face in front of the creativeness of it all. Funny stuff. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Martha as the mother of DIY. I do like that. I guess you could say that I'm the red-headed step child of DIY.

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  8. Your popcorn looks fabulous, I'll be over right away and take you up on your offer to play catch!
    Ironing bed linens, really? And she thinks SLEEPING is a waste of time?
    I had fun reading this :-)
    PS: did you know there is a blogger who calls herself "not Martha"? She makes an awesome leprechaun trap cake: http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/2013/02/preparations-for-green-holiday.html

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    Replies
    1. Haha! We are playing catch with bowls of powdered sugar and donuts. Would that work for you? I can't even imagine ironing my sheets…I'm glad a fellow sleep-lover gets this :) Now, I'm off to find "not Martha". What a great name! Happy Weekend, you!

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  9. Ah Martha Stewart. Making every at home crafter feel inadequate since nineteen something. I used to be in awe of that woman when I was younger, but her stint in jail seemed to take some of the shine off her perfect ideas and her perfect life. Luckily for me my life seems to be closer to yours than hers so your quotes definitely resonated with me.

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    1. I remember watching her on Oprah, and thinking she must be some kind of genius (the DIY world hadn't exploded yet) I was working full time and thinking, how in the world would I ever? Now, I'm home and I think, How would I ever? Haha. I'm glad my quotes resonated more with me. I'd like to think every woman appreciates sleep. And chocolate chip cookie dough :)

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  10. Why Martha be hatin on the bloggers?? Some of her quotes mad her seem like kind of a drag! I think maybe a show off. Thanks for the different perspective.

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    1. I didn't even know Martha had time to be a hater! But, I watched the interview, and sure enough, she was dogging the bloggers. Why do you have to tear someone down to feel better about your self? I think she just needs a few friends to put her back down to ground level.

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  11. First of all, when did you get a giraffe that you can ride through the drive through at McDonald's? And, where do you keep it the rest of the time? I'm pretty sure I've never watched Martha's show but I'd be very surprised if she could handle a caulk gun better than you can. She might have ironed sheets, but we don't have a crack in the house that doesn't have at least some caulk in it. Too bad caulk can't fix electrical problems, right? Another great post and kudos to your illustrator - he did a great job, too.

    Love,
    M

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The giraffe? Totally hidden in our super-clean garage. i.e. under a few hundred amazon boxes. All it takes is a box of super-sized friend and she'll do anything. Sound like someone you know?
      I don't think Martha believes in caulk. I could see her totally starting from scratch. Dang that woman.
      If caulk could fix electrical problems, I'd be rich. The illustrator thanks you. He'd like to be paid in driving lessons and X-box games :)

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  12. I love this! I can't stop laughing. So good.

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    1. So glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by

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  13. I think if I had a full staff, unlimited resources, and more money than I knew what to do with I could be the queen of all home decorating and crafts...but us normal gals just have to make do with what we have and we are okay with it! LOL.

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    1. Hey, I'd rather be a normal girl, any day. I don't have anywhere to put a crown anyway :)

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  14. Love this statement: "Bloggers are wonderful. They've used social media to benefit their businesses, build contacts and network. They connect with others offering advice, support or an often-needed smile. Many bloggers are beyond educated. Not only by holding college degrees, but by raising children without "guides". We pull foods for dinner out of what we have left in our pantries (not from french cookbooks). When our children are crying, we are the only ones who get to solve their problems. Most of us do not have a "staff." I have about 100 followers, which is anything but popular. Still, I write for my sanity as well as to share my ideas."

    You summed up my feelings perfectly. BTW I would love the recipe for Microwave Popcorn ala shellybean. ;)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Haha, Ann; I love you. Blogging has added something very special to my world.
      Are you ready for this? Microwave popcorn. Parmesan cheese, pretzels, Mike and Ikes and Sour Patch kids. GO to a dark place and eat the whole bowl like a boss. Get back to me on your review :)

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  15. After reading this, I realize I am the polar opposite of Martha. Glad you're not like her, either----your sense of humor is far better! I LOVE your cartoons with this post---the cookie dough one is HUL-ARIOUS!!!!!

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    1. THank you Marcia. Its always better to be the best us. Everyone else is already taken. When I told my son that I eat cookie dough out of a mixer, he clearly misunderstood "mixer"….or did he? Love you!

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