-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Fly On the Wall: February '14

Hey there!  Welcome to the February Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 11 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....


Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Buzz on over!

Cast:
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 20)
C., The middle (son, 15)
J., The youngest (son, 9)
Henry and Lila- The dogs

We weren't in the house much. I'm assuming flies follow our family. It's probably the smell.

Trip to the Beach:

It was beautiful and warm. I counted every blessing while we were there. Getting away; hearing the ocean at night; feeling the sand between my toes. I was in heaven. It was good for my soul.


Hours before, we were looking at a foot of snow in our yard. It's amazing how you can go from that to feeling the warm sun on your skin.

I got punked by a bird. I felt so sorry for him! I tried to dig in my purse for something to feed this one-legged flyer. Look how he is balancing that round belly on just one little stick leg! It's like me in tree pose.

I step closer. With tears welling in my eyes, I close in.  Just like that, the chubby feathered animal popped out his other leg and laughed at me. They all laughed at me. 

I suppressed my cravings for eating poultry. That day.
***

On the way home, I got the middle seat. I tried to be friendly to the man beside me. (The other side). He wanted no part of my company.
I tell my husband about him at the airport.

Me: "That guy was grouchy."
The man: "He probably didn't want to be bothered."
Me: "I offered him some of my Red Vines. He rolled his evil eyes at me."
The man: "Why would he take your licorice? He didn't know you. He didn't know where your hands have been…"
Me: "Where my hands have been? They've been in a bag of Red Vines! Geesh."

The Lego Movie:

We saw it. We loved it. Morgan Freeman completes me.

The man and I were bumping each other and talking about our favorite parts of the movie. There were many.

C. and J. :"Um, Mom? Dad? Remember us? We came with you!"
The man: (looking at me and laughing) "Oh yeah. That's right. We brought kids. Get in the car, I guess we'll take you home."
***
C. : "Thanks for the movie. And the treats. That coke was huge!"
The man: "No problem. We only had to dip a little into your college fund for the concessions."
C. : (nervously) "You dipped into my college fund?"
The man to me: "College fund? What college fund??"
We simultaneously laugh for the next ten seconds…
***
Me: " (Walking into the boys' room,) "What are you doing?"
J. : "C. is helping me sort Legos by color!"
Me:  "Can I help?"
C.: "I don't know, Mom. You always get crazy over this stuff."
Me.: What are you talking about? That's mean!"
C. : "Never mind. Here." He moves, makes a space for me, and explains the process."
Me: (after about ten minutes of sorting,) "Hey. Don't you think we should put the boxes in order of color? ROY G. BIV any one? Where do the clear ones go? This piece is white and blue. Where does IT go? Why aren't the green pieces in a green box? Shouldn't there be a separate box for characters? Wheels HAVE to go in another box, right?."
J. is puzzled and C. is shaking his head. I decide to leave.


Dark green and light green in the same box? I can't work under these conditions.



Let's all make fun of mom:

C: "Mom needs a swear jar."
J. "Mom needs to put money in the jar every time she eats sugar."
A. "Gather round, my family. If this works, we're going to Disneyland!"
***

A. to me after I run to the mailbox in my bare feet: "Show-off. We all can't have reptile feet."
C. "Mom. Yeah, what happened? Your feet look like webbed-duck feet."
Me: "If dad and I ever get divorced, he's getting full custody."
The man: "HEY! Not so fast!."
***
We were laughing one night at dinner talking about silly stuff we used to do:

A.: "I remember when I was small, I thought the moon followed me."
C.: "When I was little I thought giraffes were really tall horses."
J.: "I thought EL-em-en-O-P was one letter."
Me: "When I was in first grade, I ate paste."
Pause. My whole family got up and left.


I refuse to think paste was made from any animal. At least the paste I ate.

After a few days, I wake up to this:


It's a Glue Factory. I'm sorry, PETA.


February 12th:

If you read this blog, you KNOW that I count my love of chocolate somewhere in-between the love of my three kids. (I won't say the exact order). You also know that in my world, candy makes everything better. You break a dish? You buy me a candy bar and all is forgotten. You are fifteen minutes past your curfew but you have a box of Sourpatch Kids? I lost my watch. Dog poops on the floor but he's bringing you a box of Mike and Ikes? I smell nothing. You get the picture.

You can imagine my anticipation for the 14th of this month. There is a drill. We practice three or four days before. I sit quietly as my family lines up, bearing the gifts of their search. Roses? Set them aside please. Construction paper cards? I will read (and cherish them) in a moment. Boxes of chocolate. There we go. Turtles, chocolate coffee and Junior Mints. Yes. A giant chocolate statue of me? Don't mind if I do.




And so I wait. We have to take a day off of practice so I can go to a doctor's appointment. I don't mind. I think the family has the candy run under control…
If you truly believe in Karma,
If you get the saying, "Be careful what you wish for." If you think to yourself, "Damn that lady. she gets everything she wants. Who needs THAT much chocolate?" "She should get diabetes!"

Okay, you're (hopefully) not THAT mean. Maybe just wishing for a little "Insulin Resistance."
I say to you people, "Couldn't you wish for that any other time of the year?"

Indeed, I have a metabolic syndrome which is forcing me to "radically change my diet". (Doctor's words). I looked at her like she was talking to someone else. Perhaps she messed up paper work. Maybe she's mixing up the February holiday with April Fool's Day. Lots of other things were said this day, but I couldn't focus on any of them. I lost my ability to speak. I envisioned those chocolate treats swirling above my head like sugarplums.
"When does this diet have to start? How long do I have to do it?" I ask incredulously.
"Yesterday and forever." Says the cruel woman in a white lab coat.

Valentine's Day was much like a funeral. People still brought their pre-purchased gifts of sugar love and handed them to me with heads bowed. I had to smile. But I couldn't.

I have walked by the shrine of treats for days. Sneaking tiny pieces here and there until the box of Turtles was gone. What am I supposed to do? Don't answer that. Dang.

Any one up for a partial box of chocolates?

Thanks once again for stopping by, and to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The Blogging Original", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.
Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go on! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado                          
The Rowdy Baker                                  
Just a Little Nutty                                
Spatulas On Parade                          
The Sadder but Wiser Girl                                   
Follow Me Home                            
Searching for Sanity                           
Menopausal Mother                                 
Dates 2 Diapers 2                              
Stacy Sews and Schools                
The Lazy Mom's Cooking Blog                                   
Spinster Snacks   

illustrations by: CJM                                      

Stay sweet, my friends :)
-Michele

22 comments:

  1. I am DYING over the paste comment and the illustration! Hey, next time someone gives you a box of chocolate turtles, just remember who your bloggy buddies are, Mmkay? Love you lots, Michele---funny glimpse into your family life this month. Mmwhaa! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will think of you every time I don't pass up a chocolate turtle (every minute of every day!)
      The middle child has been doing my illustrating. Pretty awesome for doing it while crashing for a calculus test, eh? Priorities...

      Delete
  2. No candy? Wow, good thing Circus Peanuts are nuts, huh?

    So glad you got away for a few days in the sun. Hope you had a great time even if you had to sit next to the grouchy man on the way home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Finally, someone who gets it! Circus peanuts could definitely be a healthy choice for someone like me.
      The trip was lovely. Who wouldn't eat licorice from a stranger?

      Delete
  3. Love your Fly posts SOOOOO much!!!! TOO FUNNY!!
    YAY for getting away from the cold for a while!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Stacy. The funny thing is, the man and I were in shorts and enjoying the sun and water…the natives were wrapped up in scarves. It gets chilly at 60 degrees in SoCal. :)

      Delete
  4. Sorry to hear about the no chocolate thing. Maybe in the weird twinnie universe that is why the box I bought went missing. I kid you not, I bought a box after Valentine's Day and I can't find it ANYWHERE.

    Glad you got to get away....that's always a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While I can't deny that the universe sent me your chocolate, I can't confirm it, either. There aren't many things better than chocolate bought at 50% off. I have a stash in case you need some :)
      The sand and sun was everything I wanted.
      Happy Weekend, Twinnie <3

      Delete
  5. A metabolic syndrome not compatible with chocolate? That sounds harsh. Does that mean you'll have to go back to eating paste? Gosh, I hope not!
    Thanks for taking us to the beach :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, perhaps a paste-free diet has been the answer all along! Chocolate should be not only compatible, but required for every human on earth. :)

      Delete
  6. Well, thank goodness. I was just admitting to my daughter and girls that I ate paste in elementary school and they thought I was nuts! Hey, it was...interesting. Slightly pepperminty. A nice change from stale graham crackers, right? :) Sorry about the candy thing - that's devastating to a chocolate lover, but it doesn't sound like you have a choice. I'll bet you can get away with a little dark chocolate, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Slightly pepperminty. Yes! I love that I'm not alone. I believe dark chocolate will be my answer :) You're so sweet .

      Delete
  7. Swear jar = Disney...anger management needed? LOL
    Hand in a bag of red vines, that was funny to me!
    Spatulas On Parade

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not so much angry as…comfortable. It's my test. I'm working on it :) Red vines. For some reason, it makes a terrific traveling snack. :)

      Delete
  8. Seriously... the green Legos SHOULD be in the green box! Glad you enjoyed your time on the beach... still hoping to talk you into moving there (with me) one day. :) Parenting done right: When your children make you a Lego Glue Factory after learning you ate paste as a child. STILL LOL. Oh, cruel Universe... I'm so sorry to hear about your metabolic syndrome and mandatory dietary changes. Sweets are good, and will be hard to give up, but you still have your amazing family for love and support, and to kick around during sugar withdrawal. I'm always here for you, too. Miss you more than you know, girl... xxoo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right??? My color-understanding friend. The beach. Stacy, I'm going to live by the water someday; I just have to.
      My family will take the place of chocolate for now. I don't think they're going to stand being held and hugged and petted before biting into them :) Thanks for the support. I'm definitely going to need it :)

      Delete
  9. Wow, now that you put it all in a blog post, I realize what a busy few weeks we've had. A trip to the beach, the Lego movie, sitting next to a mean guy on a plane (I knew something was wrong with him when he turned down red vines), radical change in diet (when does that start again?) and of course the worst of it: getting punked by a bird. But hey, after all that we're still going, right? Look at all the Legos that were sorted, even if it was a flawed sorting system. Here's a thought - maybe C. should sell his Lego creations and blog animations to earn some money for the movie concession, err, I mean college fund? Another great post - keep them going! Love, M

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was absolutely a busy month. I'm not sharing licorice anymore. I think that's the lesson I was supped to take away from that!
      I told C. to sell his creations. Someone would love the sets he makes to humiliate me. Actually, I take that as family love… About that college savings...

      Delete
  10. Fun post! Sorry about the dietary changes. If you have a chance check out this site: thebloodsugarsolution.com I was part of a beta for the 10 day detox book that is coming out in a few days by Dr Mark Hyman. Life changing stuff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tam. I will definitely check out that site. I need all the help I can get :) Starting to look into Paleo and Atkins. Do you have any thoughts on either of those?

      Delete
  11. Wow, what excitement at your house! There is nothing like a trip to the beach to calm the soul. What a crappy time for a change in diet. Hang in there my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've been pretty busy; but a good bust! Oh Ann, the sound of that water; watching the sunset…it was everything my body needed. I'm hoping the diet will help each of us at our house. We can all benefit from a healthier diet. I'm so glad you stopped by, my friend :)

      Delete

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