-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Fly On the Wall- November '13


Hey there!  Welcome to the November Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 13 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....


Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Buzz on over!

Cast:
Me
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 15)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Our dogs: Lila and Henry

Have you ever had one of those months where something goes wrong and you are stupid enough to ask aloud, "Can it get any worse?" Our last few weeks have been like that. Take my advice. NEVER ask if things can get any worse. Of course they can! Whenever you start feeling like you're at the end of your rope though, take a look at the news. The tornadoes in Illinois, the devastation in the Philippines...everything can be put in to perspective very quickly. On that scale, we are doing (and will be) just fine.
If you were a fly on the wall at my house this month, you would have witnessed:

Halloween:

It was a regular Halloween at our house. The older kids were at parties, I was giving out candy, and the man and J. were out collecting the goods. One of our neighbors came to our house and asked if we were the home who was giving away the Bud Light. I wiped a tear from my eye, and gave him a Snickers. I don't share the good stuff…
Henry dressed up as a fish. He loved it!

Lila went as a shark. She hated it.

J. went as Jango Fett


C. was an actor from a black and white movie.



A. went as a winner of a Publisher's Clearing House Contest. Her Man was Ed McMahon. They won!
***
J.: "It's not fair. I have to give all of the chocolate to the sugar witch. It took me a long time to collect all of that."
A.: "Did you know the sugar witch looks a lot like mom?"
C.: "Did you know you can stuff all of your candy in a sock and mom will never find out?"
I give them all the "mom-look."
C.: "What? I learned that from dad."

Food:

Comments from random family members.

"I can't eat Rice Krispies without sugar. It's all Grandma's fault. She poured sugar on those like it was crack. Now I'm addicted. To Sugar. On my cereal…"

"You weren't the first one to invent mixing Rice Krispies with Frosted Flakes. I've been doing that for years with Apple Jacks and Fruit Loops. Yes, I am a Sweet Genius."

"I can't eat these french fries, mom. They taste like…potatoes!"

"Never eat M&Ms out of the bottom of your purse when you also have an open bottle of Advil in there."

"I'm taking my sleeping bag and living at McDonald's for the next little while. They have the McRib AND pralines and cream smoothies. If I get sick of any of it (which I won't,) there's a Dunkin Donuts next door."

Teeth:

We went to our 6 month check up last Saturday. The man had to have a filling replaced, the eldest and the middle child both had a cavity. The youngest and I got off with a clean bill of health.

J: I can't believe it! I don't have any cavities!"
Me.: "I'm so proud of you!"
J. : "Do you know my secret?"
Me: "I think so…"
J: (handing me his box of complimentary toothpaste) "Here, you can have this. My secret is to never brush your teeth. I even told the dentist that."
Awesome.

A.: "Can we please buy toothpaste that doesn't taste like fish?"
C.: "What is this "floss stuff" you were speaking about?"
The man: "You are now responsible for your own dental bills."

Random:

I was stressed out of my mind one day with something completely out of my control. So, I decided to paint the inside of my house. The walls. The doors. A table. The stairs. Some chairs. A chalkboard. I didn't know where to start (because I'm the queen off ADD), so I came home with this.



Where to start? Everywhere. I have no less than five projects going on with no end in sight. My husband gets it, although he hates the chaos. My kids just shake their heads and try not to touch any paint. Another relative told me, "You will never be happy." Ouch! I promised that the man's next wife will be in love with white.

During the painting marathon, I pulled a familiar muscle in my back. It's in my sciatic nerve and I always ending up begging the man to apply these derma-patches to the area. We also have these back beaters that we found at Bed Bath and Beyond. They are fantastic. They are also loud when they hit your back. I never care. I just want the pain to go away.

 Of course when A's boyfriend asks what that "banging sound" is,  the youngest has to chime in.
"Dad's just hitting mom with his blue balls."

How do I find myself in these situations? We have no secrets, people.

Private tips overheard from the kids:

"If you throw lots of underwear down the laundry chute, mom will be happy because she will think you are (actually) changing your underwear."

(Probably not related) "Flushible wipes make everything better."

"Say something nice when you go in mom's room. It will be easier that way to ask for chocolate."

"If you look at the wrapped presents and your name isn't on any of them, you have some serious thinking to do."

Finally:

I was talking to the youngest about these wall stickers called "Fat-heads." Have you heard of them? They are life size stickers of sports heroes or princesses. You can now order (according to him) a "Fat-Head" of yourself.

Me: "Why in the world would you want a life-size sticker of yourself?"
J. "It would be SO cool. I'd always have someone to talk to. I bet we'd even agree on things most of the time."
Hmmm.


Thanks once again for stopping by, and to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The Blogging Original", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.

Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go on! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado                                     
Just a Little Nutty                                
Follow Me Home                          
Stacy Sews and Schools                  
The Sadder but Wiser Girl                            
Menopausal Mother                                     
Moore Organized Mayhem                
The Momisodes                                 
Spatulas on Parade                      
The Rowdy Baker                              
Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn't Play Well With Others                       
Moms Don't Say That                            
Juicebox Confessions                               


We are trying to make it through November without turning on our heater. 9 more days  to go...
Happy Weekend, friends,
-Michele         

Friday, November 8, 2013

Secret Subject Swap- November

Hello, November. Eh. We just finished Halloween, and now all of the Christmas ads/songs/decorations are appearing. Too fast, people. Give us at least SOME Turkey time. The good news?  It's time for the SSS!


If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 12 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

Your “Secret Subject” is:
The cleaning wizard visits. Offers you the chance to forever forgo your least favorite chore. The one chore you will Never Ever have to do again. What is it?  Who do you wish it upon?  Why?


It was submitted by: www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com      

WARNING: If TMI is not your thing, you better move on now...             

Never again? Do you promise Ms. Cleaning Wizard? I'd half expect her to answer.
"Yes, my dear. Why, you've had the power to stop all along…"
I'd cry happy tears. Twirling would be probable. Maybe some rocking on the floor. I'm sure eating ice-cream straight out of the carton would be happening as well. Solo. Mmm.

Which chore you ask? If you read this blog, you'd more than likely already know my answer.
I hope it counts as one chore. Cleaning the toilet. The lid, the bowl, the front, the disgusting part where the screws attach AT the lid, and the 2 foot perimeter of the whole dang area around it. Please tell me that all falls under the category of "Cleaning the porcelain princess".

Hey. I've had my share of college days and hugging the cold white bowl. There were, in fact those nasty evenings after eating too much Taco Bell. I've even broken my water over the toilet. Yes, the john and I have REALLY gotten to know one another. My point is, I have never gagged in any of those situations like I do cleaning our toilets now.

Does it have to do with having teens? Have toilets become smaller, thus leaving an impossible target? Is it like my dogs? Are people in my home marking their territory? Let me tell you one thing. Those dogs (who have been known to eat each other's poop) won't even go near our bathrooms.

Every day, I lift the lid to find tiny yellow drops. Most days, there is a matching yellow stream down the front and onto the grout of the cold tile floor. I stopped using rugs; they were getting "damp". I stopped setting the brush and bleach so close to the toilet (I was trying to give clues!), but the bottles were covered in what I can only describe as "honey-colred spatter". If I really wanted to know (and I don't!), I'd buy one of those black light things. I know I wouldn't find a murder scene. Nope. But I just MIGHT find out who has been peeing on my walls. Maybe they wrote their name like guys do in the snow. If this isn't TMI, then get ready. It's highly likely that one of my family members forgoes the toilet paper altogether and just slides off the bowl, leaving me with, oh, I don't know. Just a daily piece of sunshine? I'd like to think that person is saving a rain forest somewhere while I'm stuck spraying chemicals from atop the washing machine.

On the off-chance I haven't hit the bathrooms yet? Well that's when the friends or family stop over, of course!
"Can I just quickly use your potty? Thanks!" says someone who's asking rhetorically.
Shock and a hit to my stomach. OMG. What in the world will they see? Should I stop them? Should I tell them to squat? Should I pretend we didn't pay the water bill and swiftly push them back out the door? It has happened to me, kids. More than once.

All right. So if the Clorox fairy is REALLY giving me a free pass, who should get the job? Is it fair to give it to the daughter that's as sickened as me? The man? He is 6'2" after all. How about the teen with all of his teen friends?
The youngest? Would he even be strong enough to scrape the yellow gunk off of the floor?

I only have one answer. It's a good idea, because it can be used two fold. I'm thinking of putting a different colored tablet (the kind used for dying Easter eggs) into every family member's drink for a few days. Do you follow me? The colored urine would give away the culprit. Genius, I know. That person would forever be destined to clean the royal throne. I can see it sparkling now. Gleaming, really.

Oh yeah. Remember how I said two fold? That "colorful" person (or another) will give themselves up when they spit their toothpaste in the sink. A little color with a whole bunch of toothpaste. Why rinse the gunk down, right? That's what mom is for!

Excuse me while I put on the old ruby slippers. Hmm? The Lysol/Borax/Clorox/Comet fairy likes the fuzzy purple slippers? You've got it. Closing the eyes and clicking my heels a few times...

"There's nowhere like the beach,
there's nowhere like the sea.
Fairy grant me just one wish,
Let someone else clean the pee."

Thanks for the prompt, Evil Joy Speaks.!

If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. She is incredible. You can also read all about the swaps by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!
Baking in a Tornado                        
The Momisodes                         
Just a Little Nutty                     
Follow Me Home              
The Sadder but Wiser Girl                                     
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                            
Crazy as Normal                                     
Searching for Sanity                   
Dawn's Disaster                           
Menopausal Mother                               
Evil Joy Speaks                           

                     

Happy "Enjoy the daylight while you can", friends.
-Michele                                  

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