-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Fly on the Wall- April!


Hey friends!  Welcome to the April Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 11 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....



Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on.. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Wha?? Oh yeah!

If you were a fly on the wall at my house this month, this is what you would have witnessed:

Cast:
Me
The Man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 14)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Henry and Lila (our dogs )

The Laundry:
The man: (folding clothes, looking flustered) "Is this your shirt or A's?"
Me: "It's mine."
The man (holding up unmatched socks) "Are these yours or A's?"
Me: "Those are A's"
The Man (holding up bras,  then throwing them down.) "Yeah. I'm not doing this."
*
A: (hearing the dryer "music" that signals the cycle is finished) "Mom, that song on the dryer stresses me out."
Me: "Why?"
A: "I always feel guilty...like I have to take care of it before you do."
Me: "Well then, get up and go get it."
A: "I don't feel THAT guilty..."

The Dogs:
Lila, the huge beagle, has decided to sleep at the end of our bed. It takes her about three tries to actually reach the top. I figure she can stay, since she's worked so hard to reach the top... and the fact that her ginormous belly keeps my icy feet warm.

Me: (needing my sleep, man) "For all that is holy, PLEASE stop snoring!!"
Both the man and Lila wake and stare at me for all of three seconds. They both roll over and go back to sleep.

Me: (waking later) "What in the WORLD is that awful smell? What did you eat?"
Both the man and Lila wake up. Same stare, same result.
I need my own room. For some odd reason, I think both Lila and the man would be okay with that.
*

Me: (holding half of a flip-flop and a bone) "Henry! This is the second pair of shoes you have ruined! THIS is a bone. It is okay to chew. See? It smells like gravy. THESE are my good shoes. You. Don't. Eat. Them!"
J: "Mom, it's probably because your feet smell like 'Beggin' Strips."
C: "Or Snausages."

In the Kitchen:

J: "Mom, I set the table so it looks like we're in a restaurant."
Me: (noticing the silverware wrapped in napkins and the place mats lined up) "Hey that looks nice. Why did you set it up like a restaurant?"
J: "At the restaurant, you don't have to clean up after dinner."
*
J. had to create a recipe at school. He printed off two copies and put one on my open cookbook on the counter. It was for "Bacon Pasta." After listing the ingredients, "Bacon and pasta", he gave these directions.
1. Fry the bacon in a pot.
2. Boil them noodles. Stir well.
3. Spice it up. The end.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, people.

This month, your five "FLY"senses would have:

Smelled: Bacon Pasta and Wet dogs
Felt: my wrath after finding chewed shoes and poop that wasn't outside.
Saw: Scratched doors from the still-new dogs. They look like what you'd imagine people in coffins (who aren't dead) would leave. I think those marks are from the dogs. Who doesn't try to claw their way out of this house every now and then?
Tasted: McDonald's (on the nights we weren't eating Bacon Pasta) and apparently, my shoes.

and finally, heard:
The man: "Michele, Is it ironic that you used a Hershey Bar as a bookmark in 'The Hunger Games?'"
Me: "Nope. It's just the wrapper. I ate the chocolate. I was 'hungry'."

Thanks once again to the Fly's creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The lady who supports everyone", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will hook a blogger up.



Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go do it! Tell them I sent you. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado                                 
Just a Little Nutty                                     
follow me home                              
Stacy Sews and Schools                   
The Sadder but Wiser Girl                             
Menopausal Mother                         
Moore Organized Mayhem                 
The Insomniac's Dream                                  
The Momisodes                                      
Tiny Steps Mommy                                 
Outsmarted Mommy                              

I hope you find a moment this weekend to smile, my friends.
-Michele

Friday, April 5, 2013

Secret Subject Swap #7 April!


It's the beginning of April and time for the SSS! The flowers are blooming, the birds are out and I am opening every window and door to welcome it all in.


If you're a regular reader, you know that the Secret Subject Swap is a collaboration between various bloggers. We receive secret topics from a blogger in an e-mail and put our own spin on the subjects. The 12 blogs participating this time are listed at the end of this post. Go have a look and leave a comment. It will make my our day! :)

My Secret Subject this month was:  What is the best April Fool's trick that you've ever played?
It was submitted by: the wonderful Sarah @The Momisodes  She's on FB and Twitter too! Go to her page and hook yourself up :)

I'm pretty terrible at pulling pranks (that work). I've never been the "think six steps ahead of someone else" kind of girl. Unless the prankee is under the age of 7, I fail miserably. My middle son, however, tries each year to one-up himself in the pranking of his mother. Usually, on April 2, I get even by beating grounding him, but if I'm completely honest, I'm usually impressed with his creativity. Here is what I received this year:

Now. There are very few things in the world I hate. "Hate" is a strong word, I know. So I reserve it for the serious stuff, like mean women, spiders, and Good & Plenty (evil, black licorice candy). Right up there on the top of my most hated things?  CLOWNS. Hate, Hate, HATE them. Think of the one in "IT" by Stephen King. Circus Clowns. Paintings of Clowns. Clowns that come to birthday parties...Clowns that sell Happy Meals..They freak my freak, people. My family knows this.

A few months ago, we were in a thrift store and I found a pattern for clown costumes. It was old and I showed it to my husband with a shiver.

Why oh why would you do this to a child?

"Hey, I think my mom made that for me one year!" he said.
I spent 20 serious minutes contemplating our marriage.
I put the pattern back between a 1976 Caftan and a 1972 Shawl.

The next weekend, we were at another store that sold vintage patterns by the bag. I picked a few bags knowing that I would more than likely find a pattern or two I liked out of the lot. Nobody could beat the price of 2.99 for ten patterns.

Oh, you know what I'm going to say next. At the bottom of the gold mine was that same pattern! I screamed and told my son the story. All that mean child did was laugh. I picked the patterns I liked from the bag, put the others in our Salvation Army bin and threw that clown pattern away. I was NOT going to be responsible for making some other unstable terrified woman see that nonsense.

Fast forward to April 1. It was a Monday and the kids were back to school after a week off for Spring Break. I was using the bathroom when I looked up and saw that damn pattern taped to the shower door in front of me! I screamed my middle son's name out loud. Let me ask you this. If a woman screams in her bathroom all alone, can anyone hear her? Oh, just ask the neighbors. Or the elderly couple down the road.

That day, ALL over the house, I found these:

Smaller copies of the pattern. In my laptop, in the fridge, on my water bottle, on the phone...You get it. Each picture was numbered on the back. I knew that there were at least 18 because I found #18 taped to the remote. Of course I only found 13 of them. I turned around every corner looking for them, nervous of where the next ones would pop up. (The next prank? That kid skipped numbers so I would lose my mind looking for the rest...)

After giving up (once the youngest child got home from school and told me about the skipping-of-the-numbers), I went down stairs to gather fabrics for my next set of bags. I was still looking out of the corner of my eye for those little pictures of the pattern..I checked the door to my sewing studio, the ironing board and the cutting table. Nope, none there.


Then I saw it. I looked up realizing that someone had moved my dress form (Betty). The scream was louder and more piercing this time.
*
*
*

Betty doesn't have a head, so he used my pillow......

That pranking child of mine was going to be homeless.

Okay, no he wouldn't. But he would be clothes-less. I hid all of his clothes that day. In the bottom drawer sat the clown costume. Cheers to April 2nd in high school, my son.

So maybe I don't completely fail at pranks...

Happy "Does-anyone-need-an-extra-costume-or-a-teenager?" Day, friends :)

-Michele


If you are interested in joining us for the next Subject Swap, you can visit its creator, the wonderful Karen @ Baking in a Tornado. You can also read all about the swap by clicking on the SSS icon on the side of my blog.

Don't forget to check out this month's talented participants!


Baking in A Tornado                       
Chewylicious                   
The Momisodes                
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                   
Just a Little Nutty                    
Follow Me home (Yeah, that's me!)             
A Mother Life.com                                       
The Insomniac's Dream                                   


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