-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Random, Serious stuff.

Hey friends. It has been so long since I've last blogged. What I feel really guilty about is that I haven't been commenting on all of my friend's blogs. I love my connection to you. I'm going to work my butt off to catch up. Pinky swear.

I've written this post 20 different times and deleted it 20 times. I didn't know how to explain my absence with humor, but I also didn't want to seem too dramatic. I have lovely friends who have written heartfelt posts on their current situations. I just don't have the energy right now. If you know more than what I've written down, please know that what I've posted, I've discussed with my family. I haven't elaborated for the sake of what my children know. (age appropriately)

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what I've been up to since January 4th. For informational purposes only. In list form, for no reason at all.Yes, there are some things that I said I'd not speak about on this blog, but hey. It is MY blog. This is usually where I insert that I hope I'm not offending anyone with my post, but I'm going to take a pass on that this time...

Procrastination:
1. I wrote on FB last year that I would make something handmade for 5 people before 2012 ended. I really did think about it all year.  I was 25 days late. The good news is I heard from four of the five recipients. They really didn't seem to mind (meaning, they forgot about it too). I received some beautiful thank-you messages.

Little sewing kits with my apologies for being so late.


2. I decided I would not write on my personal FB page until I finished that job, so, um..yeah.
3. I purposely stayed away from my favorite blogs during much of this time because answering them all seemed overwhelming. Before you say that commenting on my friend's hard work isn't important, understand that it is important to me.

Physical Health:
1. I have an overlapping autoimmune disease.
2. In the past two years, many of the symptoms have gotten worse.
3. I'm always exhausted.
4. My doctor says I look sicker on paper than in real life. SCORE!
5. I hate that my kids see me feeling weak.
6. I had five biopsies done this month. (They all were benign!) Four of them did not get infected.
7. I am not dead.

Mental Health:
1. This is hard.
2. In 1999, I was diagnosed with PTSD and a major depressive disorder.
3. I do not know when any of my autoimmune symptoms started, but I know the exact day when my depression did.
4. I started to write about my past and hours later was mortified at what I could remember.
5. I let my husband read what I wrote.
6. I couldn't look him in the eye for 3 days.
7. Two of my very best friends and the man let me know that it was all okay.
8. I called my psychiatrist in an emergency over it all..... and she didn't show up for the appt.
9. It was for a good reason, but still!!!!
10. My mental health is 10 times more embarrassing to me than anything else.
11. I'm afraid some people will never understand. On the other hand, I'm glad those people don't have to understand.
12. I hate my children seeing me weak.
13. I am not dead.

Gratefulness:
1. I have two girlfriends who know almost everything about me. They listened to me tell my stories and let me cry my eyes out. No judging, only support and extreme kindness.
2. Our best friends let us come along to Nevada for a weekend to celebrate one of their 40th birthdays. I gambled too much (with pennies; I'm such a rebel,) I imbibed too much, (6% alcohol outside of Utah, y'all!) I talked TOO much and had the best time I've had in months.
3. I have a blog friend who emails with me and encourages me in ways I don't deserve. If we lived near one another, we would be all kinds of great friends..and trouble.
4. I have a cousin and another friend who play Words with friends with me. It's a small connection, but when you're too sad to talk, at least you can spell.
5. My kids and man. I told you I hate seeming weak in front of them, yet it happens. Each one of them has had a kind word. The eldest changed my bandages, The middle child hugs me and brings me gumdrops. The youngest reads me his stories and the man listens to me complain, holds me when I cry and dispenses my drugs like a master caretaker. All of them have taken their turns cuddling on my bed, talking about their worlds and watching TV.
6. It is because of all of these people and more that I'm still alive.

Misc.:
1. I dropped my Twitter account.
2. I sewed a bunch of stuff.
3. My daughter and I opened our windows and batted down icicles with Nerf swords. (Our neighbors love us.)
4. I reopened my Twitter. (Thanks, K.)
5. We bought our new dryer and it looks like an oven. (neither of us cook)
Dryer AND baked potato maker?

There it is. In a nutshell. I call my blog a crazy journey. Crazy because if I say it first, you won't have to. I've been doing a lot of constructive things as well, but I will blog about them later. This is enough golden information for anyone to take in all at once.

Happy "Livin La Vida Loca" friends.
I've missed you.

Feel free to comment and ask me anything. I'm happy to answer any questions. If you feel they're too personal, shoot me an e-mail. If you do comment, please leave your name. No "anonymous" people, please. If this post has scared you away, please know that THAT is okay, too. If you don't have anything to say but want me to know you're here, you can say that. Just like at school. Shellybean? Here! kind of. ;)



Friday, January 4, 2013

Secret Subject Swap #4


Hello friends! It's the beginning of a brand new month and that can only mean one thing: The house payment is due. Other than that, it's time again to participate in the January version of the Secret Subject Swap; a day where 15 bloggers swap unknown topics and do their best not to embarrass themselves by interpreting them. Well, 14 other bloggers probably are trying not to embarrass themselves, I rather like to do that.

The SSS is the brainchild of Karen@ Baking in a Tornado. She works really hard to crank these projects out, so I do my best to make her smile and worry whether or not my procrastination will finally do me in. She arranges all of the swapped topics for the each blogger, so please, go give them each a look. They've worked equally hard on their posts. This is the first half of the January Swap. Check out her blog for future swaps and let her know if you'd like to participate. It's a great way to meet new bloggers and make a few friends along the way.



This month's topic came from Tracy over @ Momaical.

Tracy's topic for me was : Describe an occasion of public humiliation that was instigated by someone you love.

Well, if you know me, you're already familiar with he fact that I need not have someone around to publicly humiliate myself; I do that just fine on my own. I get in the wrong lines at voting booths, I trip in high heels, I wear smashed cookies on my clothes to public events and I never find myself saying the right things at the right times. If anyone is doing the embarrassing, it's me. I've got four family members that could happily give you examples.

Let's see, if I look far back enough to find an example of public humiliation that WASN'T instigated by me...Hmm, let me think..Oh yes. there it is...floating around like a distant dream...

Warning: This is a story from my point of view. It is not in any way, meant to offend anyone.

Cast of Characters:

Princess McRib - Me
Prince Mac-hacker- The Man
Miss Twirl- Around- The daughter
Papa Smurf- The neighbor

Once upon a time, long, long ago (1996) there lived a wild-child, name Princess McRib and her husband, Prince Mac-hacker. They travelled far, far away from their native land shaped like a mitten, to start a new life in a town near a lake filled with salt and brine shrimp. This land was very different from where Princess McRib was raised. Although Prince Mac-hacker found it easy to fit in (he was the very quiet, kind and conforming type), Princess McRib had a much more difficult time. Moving to the suburbs of the new town proved even more difficult. No one wanted to come over for a cup of coffee, let alone go for a G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out). Social Princess McRib began to wilt and even more, worried if moving was the best choice for their daughter, Miss Twirl-around.

Eventually, people began to talk with the Prince and Princess. Kids were allowed to play with Miss Twirl-around and all seemed well. Princess McRib never figured out whether it was her semi-conformed personality that brought the good people around or the fact that she was a teacher of most of the neighborhood kids. For the longest time it didn't matter; she was being acknowledged. The newest family from the land of the mitten was now considered "accepted". They kept both their yard and their heads up.

One day, the Prince and Princess were intoduced to the man across the street, Papa Smurf. Papa Smurf lived alone and was a prominent member of the community. Princess McRib hit it off with him right away, mostly because he loved to tell stories by pointing to every one's house and giving the rundown of the goings on inside them. The information was never taken as gossip, (though that's exactly what it was), but more of as a revelation, to know that other people weren't as perfect as they appeared. Papa knew something about EVERYBODY. Prince and Princess always had Papa Smurf over for dinner, brought him treats and gabbed about his history. Princess McRib carefully prided herself in the fact that Papa Smurf couldn't spread any lightening fast gossip stories about her.

Months down the road, Princess McRib went through a serious surgery. She begged the Prince and those close to her not to speak of it. The worst thing to her, was pity from those who never talked to her otherwise. She hated seeming weak. A sad face or a casserole from strangers would be even worse. Anyway, the surgery didn't go well. Something bad occurred during the procedure and left Princess McRib with 2rd degree burns down her legs. Nightly, Prince Mac-hacker had to change bandages and apply medicine while the Princess cried in pain and in humiliation. Little Miss Twirl-around was a bit frightened after hearing her mom sob, but also seemed to understand that it was a private matter and was being taken care of.

One night, Papa Smurf came to the door and Miss Twirl-Around answered.
"Is your mom home?" he asked looking around.
"Yes. She's in the bathroom." Miss. T.A. said.
"Oh. Well is your dad home?" he asked.
"Let me check." she yelled.
Miss Twirl around came to the bathroom door and saw that Prince was re-wrapping Princess' legs and closed the door softly.
She ran back down to Papa Smurf (who had no idea what was going on) and whispered...
Wait for it...

"My dad is in the bathroom shower with my mom. She's bent over and he's rubbing that spot between her legs until she feels better."

And there you have it. Like the ringing of a bell. The axis of the earth tilted a degree. Miss Twirl-Around had inadvertently set off rumors via Papa Smurf,  that Prince Mac-hacker and Princess McRib were playing sex games while their young daughter fed cheerios to the toddler, Mister Teletubbie. It was only a matter of time before others would be pointing at our house and retelling the story operator-style.

-People never quite looked at us the same. New neighbors moved in and I watched as Papa Smurf would casually point to our house with his introductions. I wasn't totally broken hearted. Some of our very best friends had heard the story and decided we were still cool enough to hang out with.

The best part was, after that, I always found extra Victoria Secret coupons in our mailbox.

At the very least, I was probably never going to get another casserole again.

Don't forget to check out the other 15 bloggers who participated in this swap. Their blogs are listed below :)

Happy "Everybody-has-days-like-this" Day, friends!

-Michele


Baking in a Tornado                              
Chewylicious   
The Mommy Chronicles       
The Insomniac's Dream                          

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Love and truth?

I think I have figured out this year's resolution.

"Mom. I am glad you are in my life. You are the...BEAST."

Cheers to that whole "working on being kind" thing ;)

Happy 2013, friends.

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