Hey-O! Welcome to the July Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 11 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....
Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Get in there!
Cast:
Me
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 15)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Our dogs: Lila and Henry
Keeping things neat:
Me: "I hate that I can't wear black pants in this house. There is dog hair everywhere."
A. : "Just don't wear black pants."
Me: "That's half of my wardrobe. What am I supposed to do? Have YOU seen anyone with 'hairy' pants?"
A. : "Have you seen my unshaven legs in the winter? It's a very comfortable look."
A. : (serious tone) "Mom."
C. : (equally serious)"We HAVE to talk to you."
Me : "About what?"
The middle child opens my laptop and sits down next to me. His sister sits on the other side.
A. : "Please Mom. Let us offer you our help. It's not you...well, it kind of is. It's about your 'Hoarder's' status desktop."Just let me make folders and I can organize it all for you."
Me: "Are you guys kidding me? I don't have a problem. It's completely organized."
C. : (softly) "If you'll just let me, I can at least organize it so the photos will be aligned. We're worried about you, Mom."
Me: "Put my computer down and back away slowly..."
Honestly, I don't know what the big deal is.
Me: "I hate that I can't wear black pants in this house. There is dog hair everywhere."
A. : "Just don't wear black pants."
Me: "That's half of my wardrobe. What am I supposed to do? Have YOU seen anyone with 'hairy' pants?"
A. : "Have you seen my unshaven legs in the winter? It's a very comfortable look."
***
A. : (serious tone) "Mom."
C. : (equally serious)"We HAVE to talk to you."
Me : "About what?"
The middle child opens my laptop and sits down next to me. His sister sits on the other side.
A. : "Please Mom. Let us offer you our help. It's not you...well, it kind of is. It's about your 'Hoarder's' status desktop."Just let me make folders and I can organize it all for you."
Me: "Are you guys kidding me? I don't have a problem. It's completely organized."
C. : (softly) "If you'll just let me, I can at least organize it so the photos will be aligned. We're worried about you, Mom."
Me: "Put my computer down and back away slowly..."
Honestly, I don't know what the big deal is.
Yeah, it's organized chaos.
Death and dying:
On our weekend get-away, I complain to the speeding husband.
Me: "You'd better slow down. I CANNOT die on this trip."
The man: "THIS trip?"
Me: "Yes. I didn't make the bed or clean the bathroom this morning."
The man: "So. IF you die, this will matter how?"
Me: "I don't want your family coming over thinking we're messy."
The man: "So. If we die, you think that my family would be mainly focused on how clean our house is?"
Me: (thinking it over for 1.5 seconds). "Chance takers are accident makers. Eyes on the road, man."
***
The middle child had had the stomach flu. He was lying on the floor in the living room.
Me: "You know, C. you'll probably inherit all of my stuff..."
He looks oddly at me and my daughter gasps.
Me: "What? I was just going to say that you'll probably inherit all of my health problems."
Collectively, the kids sigh.
A.: "I thought you were saying that he was going to inherit everything from you! How fair is that?"
C. : "I thought the same thing, but I also think I deserve to inherit everything you own."
J. : "Hey! What do I get?"
Me: "You guys are morbid. Anyway, I'd divide everything up evenly between the three of you."
C. : "What about Dad?"
J. : "Ugh. Now we have to divide her stuff FOUR ways?"
The dogs:
The man was on a business trip to Minnesota when I sent him this photo with a text:
Me: "I surely hope you're not being replaced..."
Lila, sleeping in the man's spot.
The phone rings and what do you know, it's the man.
The man: "Put me on speaker phone."
I do.
The man: "Lila...Can you hear me? Huh girl?"
Lila looks around trying to locate that familiar voice.
The man: "Lila, listen to me. I am not dead. You may think I'm gone for good, but I am not. Enjoy that time in my spot. When I get home you're going to be sleeping on the floor!"
Lila continues to look around, spins, then puts her head back on his pillow.
Me: "Yeah, honey? She looks pretty scared. I think you put her in her place."
I hang up while Lila and I look at one another. I shake my head and I swear, Lila laughed.
***
Henry was neutered about a week after we brought him home. Our neighbor, who has a tiny dachshund, always comments on how his little Roxie and our Henry would have cute babies. It really is a sweet thought, but the cone, purple stitches and removal-of-his-goods was all worth it in the end. Henry was NEVER meant to be a father. Whew.
Just a few of Henry's "babies."
Lessons learned in my house this month:
-There is no way on God's green earth that a pint of Ben & Jerry's "New York Super Fudge Chunk" serves four people. No way at all. Maybe two people. Two people that look just like me.
-Giving away hundreds of your "teaching" books and supplies and watching your former life being packed away in boxes hurts more than you thought it would.
-Cooking meals in 100 degree weather is NOT cool. Having the family wrapped around the dinner table totally is.
- I HAVE to remember to record the FLY on the WALL stuff as it happens. The kids get tired of trying to recall the funny moments.
-The dog's bladders are NOT equal to the amount of water they drink. They pee twice as much as they take in. So do I.
-When my kids are sick, nothing else matters.
-I can learn the words to every Disney show theme song. I CAN'T get the theme song to "Good Luck Charlie" out of my head.
-It's not impossible to put a puzzle together in a power outage. In fact, it's empowering. Apparently though, I'm NOT allowed to say that I know how it feels to be a blind Mary Ingalls.
***
Thanks once again for stopping by, and to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The Insane-Whisperer", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.
Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go do it! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...
Baking in a Tornado
Baking in a Tornado