-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Fly on the Wall- May!



Hey friends!  Welcome to the May Fly on the Wall Group Challenge. This month, 12 awesome bloggers and I are describing what it would be like if you were to take a peek inside our homes....



Have a "look" around mine, and then go visit the other blogger's pages. There's always something fun, sentimental, or better yet, embarrassing going on.. It's like your house, only we're admitting to the craziness. You have our permission. Get in there!

Cast:
Me
The man
A., the eldest (daughter, 19)
C., The middle (son, 14)
J., The youngest (son, 8)
Our dogs

The thing is, this has been a very crazy month. The kids are busy finishing up school, the man has been putting in some serious hours at work and I have been busy filling bag orders. Throw Mother's Day, a birthday party, dentist appointments, a retirement party, a band concert AND an awards ceremony in the mix,  and you will understand that if you were a fly on the wall at my house, you were pretty much alone.
I'm letting you in on what you would have witnessed about our family:

via text messaging:

The man: (from work) I'm going to be late again. So sorry.
Me: What is this? Do you have a girlfriend on the side or something?
The man: I wish. I'm starving...
Me: Well, if she's making extra, bring some home.

***
A. : Are you at the grocery?
Me: Yes, Why?
A. : Just wanted to let you know that all the cool moms buy name-brand Capt'n Crunch. I think you're a cool mom. That is all.
A. : Also, awesome moms find chocolate flavored peanut butter. No pressure.

***

Me: I can't get a hold of your sister. What do you think of this new library bag?
C: Mom, I'm at school. I'm not supposed to be texting.
Me: Then why are you texting?
C. Touche'
Me: So, What do you think of the bag?
C. : What does it say?
Me: "You're grounded."
C. : Oh, now I see. It's like a miracle. I can read. Great bag. Can I get back to lunch now?

***
The man: Are you home?
Me: Yes
The man: I'm home now. Where are you?
Me: Did you really have to text that? Couldn't you yell for me or something?
The man: You text your own children to dinner!
Me: You're right. Hey, while you're at it, text them and ask them to pick up McDonald's.

Conversations heard before bed:

Me: J! You have a huge hole in your sock! It's not even covering your toes! How did that happen?
J: It started out as a small hole, but I figured if I ripped it far enough, I could wear it AND my flip flops.
***
J: Mom, Mother's Day is coming up. I was wondering if I could have 10 dollars.
Me:  Um, that's sweet, but you don't have to get me a present.
J: Huh? No. I made you a card at school. I want to buy a LEGO.

***
Me: Ack! This room is disgusting! It smells like boys! Open a window!
C: Sorry mom. I just ran out of my pretty princess spray...

***
Me: Did you brush your teeth today?
The children just stare at me.
Me: What if I told you I took your toothbrushes and know exactly when they were last used?
C. I'd put my money on you for that bet, mom. Where did you hide them and how long have you had them?
The man: (shaking his head) I've never felt so proud.
***
J: I think I made a deal with God in heaven before I was born. I told him I wanted to be a man. That way,  I wasn't going to have to go through childbirth. Yuk.
A. : Keep talking like that and you won't meet a woman who will give you any children!
J:. Duh! Adoption!!

Random talk heard 'round the house:

Me: Don't pick up that phone! It's bad news. We are avoiding ALL bad news today, people. I'm not kidding! This is going to be a peaceful dinner if it kills us.
C: (walking toward the table) Here's the mail, mom. Look at you! You got Jury Duty!

***
Me: Problems, man. I've got too many today.
The man: Is there enough chocolate to make these problem go away?
Me: Probably not, but I don't see why we can't give it a try...
***
The man: Look at the books on your side of the bed! It looks like Oprah's Super Soul Sunday over there.
A.: Dad knows about Oprah's Super Soul Sunday? You guys have been married way too long.


The awkward moment when:
  • You FINALLY get around to making your 8 year-old's recipe for Bacon Pasta and it is the best thing you've tasted all month.
  • You realize you've lived in a house for 6 years without ever owning a "working" plunger-until it's too late.
  • You come home from a morning-out with a girlfriend and find garbage strewn all over your home, 2 dogs cowering in the corner, a pillow with all of the stuffing shaken out, aaaaaannnnd this:


Dang Dogs!!!

Yes, readers, I went there. I came home to find HALF of a bra. Awkward? Yes. The fact that I looked all over the house for the other half to no avail? Creepy. The chances that the other half will definitely show up in the presence of some important visitor? Guaranteed.

Get ready, people. The trashiest girl in the neighborhood is going to be gossip-worthy whilst shopping this weekend.

Pay no attention to the "girls" I'll be carrying around. Especially the one that will be sagging past my knee. Oh, to be a FLY on the wall for that.

Dream big, lop-sided, or go home!

Thanks once again to the Fly's AMAZING creator, Karen @ Baking In a Tornado, aka "The lady who supports everyone", for hosting this challenge! Would you like to join in the next FLY challenge? Click on the FLY button on my side bar. Karen will more than take care of you.

Take a look at what the other bloggers have going on inside their homes. Go do it! Leave them a comment. You know you want to...

Baking in a Tornado
Just a Little Nutty                               
Follow Me Home                      
Stacy Sews and Schools                  
The Sadder but Wiser Girl                      
Menopausal Mother                  
Moore Organized Mayhem                 
The Insomniac's Dream                       
The Momisodes                                
Spatulas on Parade                 
The Rowdy Baker      


Happy "Supportive"Memorial Day Weekend, friends :)
-Michele


36 comments:

  1. Thanks for the laugh! It was very much needed! :)
    Your FF

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I miss you, Nick Nack. Never miss a flight again ;)

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  2. This is great! I love the pic of the half bra. It always has to happen in front of someone, doesn't it. Also, I text my son to dinner all the time..it's better than an intercom system.

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    1. It will absolutely show up when I have guests. I just know it :( So glad to know I'm not the only texting parent. Definitely better than me screaming like a lunatic. :)

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  3. That truckload of chocolate should be here any day now. You could start a new trend with that bra. How about different colors so you can mix and match as you please :)? Another great post - thanks for sharing!

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    1. You are ridiculous. Are you saying my dingy half bras aren't acceptable? I will be forwarding your idea to Victoria's Secret. The truckload of chocolate, on the other hand will make everything better. ETA?

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  4. SO glad The Hubby doesn't text. He would make me crazy. As it is he will call me from outside or upstairs.... SIGH.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha. Stacy, it is the man who brought all of this ridiculous technology in the house. I had a cell phone for two years with about twenty used minutes on it. Since the kids and man text, I started to follow suite. Now, that's how we communicate. Sad, huh?

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  5. These were great!! Sometimes, my 14 year old will text me after I've gone to bed. When I text back "why are you texting me when I'm in bed?" he always answers, "because I didn't want to wake you up!". Gotta love 'em!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Texting is a whole new world, isn't it? I figure we actually communicate a lot more with it than not. Even if my kids are usually only texting to ask for something!

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  6. This is too funny. Can't believe y'all text each other in the house! About the missing bra half---check the yard--the dogs probably pooped out something that looks like a tampon on the grass...um....at least that's what my dog would have done...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are the laziest bunch of people you have ever met :) When my husband texts for toilet paper from the bathroom, you know you've lost allefforts at seeming like a normal family. What fun is that, anyway? I will totally be looking for the other half of my brassier in the grass :)

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  7. Haha! The texting thing is funny. If quinn were old enough, I am sure it would be much of the same here. Also, I promise not to call during dinner again. What's more, there is no other being on earth that has been called to jury duty more than myself. There has to be a limit as to how many times a person can serve. Thank you for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No worries, that call wasn't you :) The last time I had jury duty I was recovering from surgery. The time before that, I was on bed rest. I guess it is my civic responsibility to actually go this time :) Thanks for taking the time to write; I love that. And you.

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  8. As always, I loved it! I'm sorry your dogs took apart your bra. Makes me kinda happy I don't have a dog....or a bra like that.

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    1. Out of all of the things to tear up, the dogs chose that? I was mortified! Is nothing sacred? Next time, I'm leaving out the granny panties. ;)

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  9. Boy room could seriously be bottled and used to fend off attackers, large vicious mammals and used as tear gas.
    Perhaps the dogs used the other side to serve the remainder of the bacon pasta?
    Mmm bacon pasta. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed. What do boys do in their world to smell like that? Wait. Don't answer..
      You may be onto with the bra-thing. Perhaps it was used for a dinner plate, but I have two dogs!
      It's wrong how delicious that bacon pasta was...

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  10. Jury Duty, jury duty, jury duty! Great post, once again, Shellybean! You never fail to make me laugh. Your eldest sounds like a real charmer. As for the texting, it saves your voice, and it is much more efficient. Getting these dogs was a wonderful idea.. I guess I just never realized that you cannot be both a hoarder and a dog-owner, as they will eat anything and everything on the floor. I would also like to say thank you for the captain crunch. I will continue to eat that for my entire life.. Love you!
    -A

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My eldest IS something, all right. I could write a whole post on what the dogs did to your room. Sorry about that :( You are welcome for the Captain Crunch, but the chocolate peanut butter is mine. Wow. Who knew? Love you back.- Mamacello

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    2. And humble too, that eldest of yours...

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    3. humble as they come, Karen. Where do you think I gained ANY of my confidence? From that chick, up there.

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  11. Double M...

    This was really funny. Loved the Texting segment. Happens in my house when the kids are around. Drives me nuts!!! Ha...

    The plunger??? Ha: Same here. Crazy!!!

    Thoroughly Enjoyed!!! Happy Friday, Slu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Slu-
      I was grasping at straws this month. So many things happen that I mean to write down, then forget. If I actually used those "texting skills" to jot down my thoughts, I might be better off.
      Our plunger was cracked right down the side. How does that happen? Thank goodness for the 24 hour market up the street; we would have been in all kinds of nasty trouble :(
      I hope you have a restful, happy weekend!
      -MM

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  12. What has happened to the other half!!? Hee hee - those dogs are going to keep you on your toes!

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    Replies
    1. The other half is a mystery, Claire! WHat's a girl to do? Those dogs are like new kids. XX

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  13. I could text my kids and they STILL wouldn't come down for dinner. Maybe I should text them a pic of a half a bra and see if they come down and say "what the hell"?

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    1. You could text me for dinner and I would find your house. I never say no to dinner. Half of a bra text. Hmmm. They'd probably come down and say, "It wasn't ME!!!"

      Delete
  14. my stomach hurts so much from laughing, just when I thought it was hysterical, the next one was even better. OMG I can't stop laughing...the half a bra...OMG...drooling form laughing so hard.

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    1. I'm glad you liked it and even more happy to have you stop by. Those dogs have definitely added to our busy world :)

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  15. ROTFL your family is as warped as ours. I swear I was laughing so hard and remembering similar conversations when our boys were young.
    Spatulas On Parade

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    Replies
    1. I love meeting other warped families! I am glad we have blogging to record some of the "crazy". I can't say that my kids will be forever happy about it, but, eh. They'll be fine. :)

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  16. HALF A BRA! Hee hee, I can't say that my dog has done THAT yet. I suppose it's only a matter of time! This was great!

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    1. I think I need a list of everything dogs eat. THis would help me know what to hide before leaving the house. Four pair of shoes. MY shoes. I'm not kidding. Start dishing, what else is out there?

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  17. I love reading your stories. May is a crazy month so I'm glad we got a minute to catch up. And don't worry about your dogs - they are so adorable and worth the trouble.
    Love ya - Char

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    1. I'm so glad too, Char. You were quite the help and the coffee certainly didn't' hurt. Thanks for listening to the ranting and for always taking my side. LOL. You are an amazing friend. You were so right about getting the dogs; they have been a lot of fun. (and thy love you!). They know you're a good egg too. <3 you.

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