-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Secret Subject Swap #4


Hello friends! It's the beginning of a brand new month and that can only mean one thing: The house payment is due. Other than that, it's time again to participate in the January version of the Secret Subject Swap; a day where 15 bloggers swap unknown topics and do their best not to embarrass themselves by interpreting them. Well, 14 other bloggers probably are trying not to embarrass themselves, I rather like to do that.

The SSS is the brainchild of Karen@ Baking in a Tornado. She works really hard to crank these projects out, so I do my best to make her smile and worry whether or not my procrastination will finally do me in. She arranges all of the swapped topics for the each blogger, so please, go give them each a look. They've worked equally hard on their posts. This is the first half of the January Swap. Check out her blog for future swaps and let her know if you'd like to participate. It's a great way to meet new bloggers and make a few friends along the way.



This month's topic came from Tracy over @ Momaical.

Tracy's topic for me was : Describe an occasion of public humiliation that was instigated by someone you love.

Well, if you know me, you're already familiar with he fact that I need not have someone around to publicly humiliate myself; I do that just fine on my own. I get in the wrong lines at voting booths, I trip in high heels, I wear smashed cookies on my clothes to public events and I never find myself saying the right things at the right times. If anyone is doing the embarrassing, it's me. I've got four family members that could happily give you examples.

Let's see, if I look far back enough to find an example of public humiliation that WASN'T instigated by me...Hmm, let me think..Oh yes. there it is...floating around like a distant dream...

Warning: This is a story from my point of view. It is not in any way, meant to offend anyone.

Cast of Characters:

Princess McRib - Me
Prince Mac-hacker- The Man
Miss Twirl- Around- The daughter
Papa Smurf- The neighbor

Once upon a time, long, long ago (1996) there lived a wild-child, name Princess McRib and her husband, Prince Mac-hacker. They travelled far, far away from their native land shaped like a mitten, to start a new life in a town near a lake filled with salt and brine shrimp. This land was very different from where Princess McRib was raised. Although Prince Mac-hacker found it easy to fit in (he was the very quiet, kind and conforming type), Princess McRib had a much more difficult time. Moving to the suburbs of the new town proved even more difficult. No one wanted to come over for a cup of coffee, let alone go for a G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out). Social Princess McRib began to wilt and even more, worried if moving was the best choice for their daughter, Miss Twirl-around.

Eventually, people began to talk with the Prince and Princess. Kids were allowed to play with Miss Twirl-around and all seemed well. Princess McRib never figured out whether it was her semi-conformed personality that brought the good people around or the fact that she was a teacher of most of the neighborhood kids. For the longest time it didn't matter; she was being acknowledged. The newest family from the land of the mitten was now considered "accepted". They kept both their yard and their heads up.

One day, the Prince and Princess were intoduced to the man across the street, Papa Smurf. Papa Smurf lived alone and was a prominent member of the community. Princess McRib hit it off with him right away, mostly because he loved to tell stories by pointing to every one's house and giving the rundown of the goings on inside them. The information was never taken as gossip, (though that's exactly what it was), but more of as a revelation, to know that other people weren't as perfect as they appeared. Papa knew something about EVERYBODY. Prince and Princess always had Papa Smurf over for dinner, brought him treats and gabbed about his history. Princess McRib carefully prided herself in the fact that Papa Smurf couldn't spread any lightening fast gossip stories about her.

Months down the road, Princess McRib went through a serious surgery. She begged the Prince and those close to her not to speak of it. The worst thing to her, was pity from those who never talked to her otherwise. She hated seeming weak. A sad face or a casserole from strangers would be even worse. Anyway, the surgery didn't go well. Something bad occurred during the procedure and left Princess McRib with 2rd degree burns down her legs. Nightly, Prince Mac-hacker had to change bandages and apply medicine while the Princess cried in pain and in humiliation. Little Miss Twirl-around was a bit frightened after hearing her mom sob, but also seemed to understand that it was a private matter and was being taken care of.

One night, Papa Smurf came to the door and Miss Twirl-Around answered.
"Is your mom home?" he asked looking around.
"Yes. She's in the bathroom." Miss. T.A. said.
"Oh. Well is your dad home?" he asked.
"Let me check." she yelled.
Miss Twirl around came to the bathroom door and saw that Prince was re-wrapping Princess' legs and closed the door softly.
She ran back down to Papa Smurf (who had no idea what was going on) and whispered...
Wait for it...

"My dad is in the bathroom shower with my mom. She's bent over and he's rubbing that spot between her legs until she feels better."

And there you have it. Like the ringing of a bell. The axis of the earth tilted a degree. Miss Twirl-Around had inadvertently set off rumors via Papa Smurf,  that Prince Mac-hacker and Princess McRib were playing sex games while their young daughter fed cheerios to the toddler, Mister Teletubbie. It was only a matter of time before others would be pointing at our house and retelling the story operator-style.

-People never quite looked at us the same. New neighbors moved in and I watched as Papa Smurf would casually point to our house with his introductions. I wasn't totally broken hearted. Some of our very best friends had heard the story and decided we were still cool enough to hang out with.

The best part was, after that, I always found extra Victoria Secret coupons in our mailbox.

At the very least, I was probably never going to get another casserole again.

Don't forget to check out the other 15 bloggers who participated in this swap. Their blogs are listed below :)

Happy "Everybody-has-days-like-this" Day, friends!

-Michele


Baking in a Tornado                              
Chewylicious   
The Mommy Chronicles       
The Insomniac's Dream                          

46 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Yes, they are. Honestly, I wouldn't have any fun stories to tell if it weren't for them.

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  2. OMG, this is unbelievable. Just when we think we've escaped the gossip hounds unscathed, our children fix that! But the Victoria's Secret coupons kinda make up for it, right? As with everything you write, I LOVED this. I SO wish you'd write every day. And I do hope that spot between your legs is all better!

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    1. Children add spice, don't they? The Victoria Secret coupons rocked, until we moved. I'll have to start some new juicy rumors, I guess. Thanks for the hilarious comment..That spot between my legs has healed nicely, thank you very much. <3

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  3. This was awesome!
    OMG the things that kids say!
    That is classic!
    Thanks for sharing. I love reading your SSS and Fly posts.

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    1. Thanks for reading that whole thing, Meg! My daughter was trying to be so kind and private back then. She's always been protective of me; it's funny that it all turned out that way. I asked her permission to retell the story. She just laughed and said, "Go ahead. I didn't do anything wrong." She's absolutely right.

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  4. Out of the mouths of babes! That was hilarious (sorry). Kids just don't have a filter...at all. But, score on the coupons, right?!

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    1. Always a score on the coupons! The fact that kids don't have a filter has made my life pretty fun place. Every age brings something new.

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  5. OMG!!!! I totally sprayed my cereal onto the screen!!! That is one classic tale!!! Loved it!!

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    1. Thank you Roshni. I really did love that old neighborhood. Lots of memories like that one, but I did make some great friends :)

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  6. OMG OMG OMG OMG...I can't stop laughing.I can't breathe. This is great...You just never know when a kid is going to tell something about you.

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    1. My kids have lots to tell!! I've gotten myself in more trouble than I care to count. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks!

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  7. oh dear.....I felt so bad for you...i couldn't even laugh i was traumatized as if it had happened to me!!! LOL i'm so sorry hun but you sure did a great job...i got lost for a little bit with princess/prince and papa smurf...too many characters HAHAHA and me with my ADD lol xoxox great job! loved it!

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    1. Don't be traumatized! I wouldn't have retold the story had I not gotten over the shock myself. I guess I should have named the characters. I'm always so worried about hurting someone's feelings when I write. I loved my old neighborhood, adjusting was just really hard. Thanks for following along, though. I appreciate your comment!

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  8. OMG!!!!! That is the best thing ever!!!! Amazing. Just amazing.

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    1. Thanks for reading, Mama Pants! The swaps are always so much fun! Glad you made it all the way through the story!!

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  9. Oh holy mother of God! How the HELL did you look at your neighbor in the eye again after that? I still can't look at one of ours--he caught us in a ...uh...delicate situation once and I just can't look at the man now without blushing. GREAT post, fun read, lots of chuckles! XOXO

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    Replies
    1. You know, for years after he'd bring it up with a laugh, but I was always secretly mortified. The truth is, those were the years with small children. Nothing really that exciting was going on in true life! Now I need to read YOUR story! Thanks always for your fun comments!

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  10. That is freaking awesome! The best part is at least the whole neighborhood is probably jealous because they think you get it regularly :) Nice work!
    Kids are amazing aren't they??

    Lanaya
    www.raising-reagan.com

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha! Kids ARE amazing. If I would have thought of that that view back then (when I was so worried about what other people were thinking), my life would have been very-stress free. All these years later and I'm still working on that :) Thanks, Lanaya.

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  11. Kids! Can't live with them...That's about it. I really did laugh out loud, but am so sorry you had to go through both pain and humiliation for me to chuckle like a fool. You poor lady.

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    1. Anon,
      That's hilarious! I'm glad you laughed. The pain is long gone but the humiliation will always live on. I'm glad I made you chuckle. Fools that chuckle are ALWAYS welcome :)

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  12. Ha!!! Now that is pretty funny... the spot that became THE Spot!!!

    Love it... Take care, Slu

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    Replies
    1. Oh Slu, You know I'm always causing trouble. The man said, "Hey, I love casseroles! Don't write that!". I actually was talking about stranger's casseroles, not friend's casseroles. I'm throwing that out there because we are never ones to give up free food!! THE spot! I'll never live that down.

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  13. Oh, my gosh! That is hilarious! Especially since you worked so hard to keep the whole affair under wraps. Out of the mouths of babes, eh? Great job with my topic! Love it!
    Tracy @ Momaical

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, Tracy. I always enjoy the Swaps.

      With three kids, it's now almost impossible to keep anything under wraps!

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  14. HAHA! Loved it! And I loved the names - I think you should all keep em' ;)

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    1. Thanks, Josie. I'm the unhealthiest of eaters and am famous for being excited when the McRib comes to town. Classy, I know! Mark loves everything Macintosh and our eldest spent her early years twirling around, everywhere she went. I think I will keep those names after all! XOX

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  15. Dork- wish I could tell my stories like you do. Too funny.

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    1. Loser. You have many stories to tell. I may have to borrow a few of yours! Like I said, I gained a lot of wonderful things from the old neighborhood. You're definitely one of them. Coffee date soon?

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  16. That was hilarious!I mean pee your pants funny. At least you won't have any nasty casseroles and you can get a decent bra with a coupon!

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    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, A. Do you know how expensive those bras are? I needed those coupons!! Hope you are better!

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  17. oh my goodnes! That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time! ahahaha! Thanks for sharing it in the special way you do <3

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  18. Love it....hilarious. Great story Michelle.

    Irish Carter
    www.dedicated2life.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Irish. Glad to have you stop by. Are you from Brooklyn? I grew up in Jackson!

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  19. Absolutely hilarious! Sorry to hear about the painful area between your legs LOL but at least your prince made it feel better... I'm still LMFAO. Thank you for allowing us/me to laugh at your pain!
    Jae Mac, I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)

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    1. Thanks for laughing at the pain, girl. It's why I love ya! Hahaa. I don't think I was using the word, "Prince" when he was helping me.... I call him prince because he still speaks to me. :)

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  20. Michele, you have just made me smile for a week with that story! Hilarious!

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    1. It was completely worth it to make you smile, Shelly! Thanks for making me smile all the time!

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  21. Oh man...kids. I have so much to look forward to. So funny!

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    Replies
    1. Lillian, they make the world go round. Thanks for stopping by!

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  22. Oh my word, this is SO something my kids would say! LOL!!!!! I can't stop laughing. Hilariously funny!!!

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    1. Thanks Peanut. Sorry I'm just now commenting. I hope you are feeling well soon. I'm glad I could make you laugh. Kids never stop amazing us, eh?

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  23. Loved it Michele, made me laugh, thank you. Smiles.

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    1. Oh, I'm so glad to hear from you, girl! You've been on my mind. Hope you are well. Love and smiles.

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