-A mostly true journey of a girl, her man and their three kids; all trying to live harmoniously in a house somewhere in Utah. Names and exact locations may be changed in order to protect the grouchy.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The one about a sister and a brother...

I was able to visit with my sister this evening for awhile. We live across the country from each other and often find even a quick phone call difficult. She is busy with a toddler and I am busy with my kids, and sometimes, it seems as if there are not enough minutes (or hours) to say all that we want to say.

I'm extremely close with my siblings. I have a brother as well. We have strong connections with each other. You know the kind...you beat the crap out of each other when you're little. You yell, you push, you pray for the day when you'll have your own things. And then a strange thing happens. Exactly what you wish for happens. And a little piece of you goes missing.

For me, it's more like a gaping wound. I have a wonderful husband. I have three amazing kids. And they make me mad sometimes. And they make me laugh and love and smile. But being away from my siblings is hard. Time is cruel when you're separated from the ones you shared rooms with. I watch my kids look at each other when I'm ranting about something ridiculous, and miss that camaraderie of having someone have my back when all else failed. Yes, my brother and sister and I fought with each other, but we'd also fight to the death for each other.

It is still that way. My sister is neck-deep in being a new mother. My brother is building his grown life. I power through with the day to day goings-on in my world....and so we go, living our days, creating memories, struggling, celebrating, crying and laughing separately. Every once in a while though, the stars align and we find time to talk. We write letters by snail-mail. We in-box each other on Facebook. We call each other for just a minute and want to talk for days. I find myself protective of them, and they of me. I want to see them. Hold them. Cherish them. Mostly though, I want to laugh with them. We're all funniest when together. We bring up silly memories or act out vignettes of our lives together as kids. My daughter once said on a visit home, "Mom, I've never heard you laugh like that before!" It's true. These precious people know everything good and bad about me.

We have since gained fantastic family members in spouses and children. We have lost some of the few people we trusted with all of our hearts. We've faced illnesses and mourned for relationships we couldn't keep. And we've done it together.

I'm not really sure why I wanted to post this. Maybe because my brother isn't feeling well today. Maybe because someone I love lost his brother recently. Maybe because someone else I love almost lost his. Perhaps it was because for about an hour today I was able to feel like I was in the room with my baby sister, laughing and crying in tandem ; without fear, and completely comfortable during all of it.

So yes, their physical absence sometimes does feel like a gaping wound. But the laughing and joking, the communication and understanding of unconditional love between the three of us makes for a pretty good looking band-aid. I am so blessed.

Have a wonderful Friday, friends.

5 comments:

  1. I've got a sad smile on my face because your post was so bitter-sweet. I think this is why I miss you so much. You're every emotion, so real and uninhibited. God bless. Have a beautiful weekend with your fantastic family.

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  2. Gazing out the window to watch snow drift and feel as if you are doing the same at this very moment. The miles of earth between us and yet you are always right next to me. Perhaps our laughter is not always heard, but smiles are always felt, prayers are always spoken, and heart always yearns to be within the same room. Home is where you are. Your words are breaths that I feel inside my chest while the snowflakes reflect sunlight. I hope you are smiling as I hold you close in my mind. Distant, but never far away. I love you my sister and am thankful for you in this life!

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  3. I love watching you with your brother and sister. While you are all amazing in your own right, when you are together its like watching three pieces of one heart come together as one beautiful entity for a moment in time. All I can do is smile when I see you all. MWB

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  4. I have always believed that before you come to this earth, you get to somehow choose the people who will test you, reassure you, comfort you and make you become your best possible self. I know that I was given both you and Charley to protect me in this crazy life. There is a line from the movie, 'What Dreams May Come", A father looks to his son and says, "There is no one else I would want to walk through hell with". That holds so true with my relationship with you both. And really Michele, you've both held my hand through the sorrow this life can bring. You've always been there in my greatest moments and achievements. I am a good Mother because of your advice and support. I am a better woman because I got to share a childhood with you and learn what it truly meant to be strong, compassionate and worthy of some semblance of kindness. You are my rock and a blessing that I get to keep for a lifetime. I adore you. I miss you. And I will eternally be the little girl who wants to be just like her big sis. I love you. I'm still eating.

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  5. Wow. I'm so touched by all of your comments. Shan and Mary, thank you for understanding. Kimmi and Charley; I love you both so much.

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